UPDATED: MOH plus one?

Is she usually the type to blow off people when she's dating someone?

My first thought is that she should be allowed to bring a date, but I do agree with the idea of "why would she want to" since she'll be so busy.

Ya she does kind of act different when around men. When we'd go out to bars when we lived together as soon as a guy would come talk to her I was practically invisible the rest of the night. I stopped going out with just her, I'd always bring other friends along to prepare for the inevitable guys coming up to her

So there is a very real possibility that she will "ditch" you during the wedding? Yikes that is sticky. How receptive is she to you saying "we have SO MUCH TO DO that day! You won't hardly see that guy"?

I wouldn't do it because it's about a month until your wedding and she's asking for a plus one? Just say it's too late to another to the count. If they met after you sent the invites and after she RSVPd, she really shouldn't be asking to invite them. Especially because it probably won't be serious since they live across the country.

Did you give her a plus one? At that point, I'd say there's not much you can do about it.

Personally I would have given her a plus one from the start. Not only is she your MOH but she's traveling, who really wants to travel across country by themself?

In addition to that you're worried she might not be there wedding day to help as much, but with you being in California already she could always spend te days before the wedding with him and then you arnt going to get much help anyway. I'd rather she bring him to the wedding and enjoy herself spending the day with him at the wedding than not be able to help me out with stuff before hand.

I agree with Heather. I don't think you necessarily have to give single people in your bridal party a plus one, but it's always nice. You can't really judge who they get to bring.

Also, what exactly are you expecting her to do on the day of? I understand like getting ready with you beforehand, but once the ceremony's over, what do you expect her to do? If you're worried about having someone to help when problems come up, hire a day of coordinator. Your MOH is someone you want to honor and stand with you, not someone you want to run interference for you.

Lori, you brought up another question that I wanted to add to this post actually. What has come up with past brides that they needed their maid of honor to do at the actual reception? I've been a bridesmaid three times and never maid of honor and I've never brought a date, never been offered one, never considered bringing one. My definition of a bridesmaid's role is to alleviate any possible stress or Problems from touching the bride. I do remember always having a really great time at the reception and I don't remember being asked to do anything at the reception Because nothing ever came up that was disastrous. Except for my sisters wedding I ended up serving the cake. So does everybody agree that your bridal party really doesn't end up having anything to do during the reception other than just celebrate?

The way I see it is, with everything she has done and will do for you as your maid of Honor, she should get to have a date. Once the reception/dance begin, bridal party duties are over and they deserve to let loose & have some fun. If you originally gave her a plus one, you can't take it back now just because you don't approve of their situation

I've been MOH and a bm multiple times, and I've always brought a date (but I've always been in a serious relationship). After the ceremony and pictures were over, my duties were pretty much give the toast and have fun. Well, I was MOH for my sister's wedding, and my one job was to make sure she got nachoes at the bar we went to after because they were her favorite. I got the girl her nachoes.

But seriously, that's it. If you're honestly worried about big issues coming up, hire a DOC. What are you worried about happening? At one wedding I was in, the venue made the wrong veggie meals. The DOC got the ones the bride had requested. That's pretty much the worst thing I've seen.

Do you have other BMs who can help out if there are issues? What issues do you anticipate having? Sure there could always be things that you can't anticipate but do you have a problem family member that you need her to handle? If there isn't anything specific you need her to do and you have other BMs as backup you might consider letting her invite this guy. You are going to want to spend time w your new husband and with your other guests so you may not need her as much as you think you will.

I'd let her bring him. I didn't want anyone doing work on the day of the wedding, especially at the reception. The only time I needed anyone was when I had to pee and they helped hold my dress. That's about it. You will be so busy at the reception dancing, talking to guests and having a good time that you probably won't even notice that he's there.

I totally agree with Lori. If you are worried about issues, hire a DOC. Your guests are there to celebrate.

I would let her bring him. For all the things she should be helping with, it'll be before the wedding and he wouldn't be involved anyways. He'll sit during the ceremony, and then during the reception (when you are busy with all your other guests), she can have someone to have fun with, dancing and flirting while she feels gorgeous in her dress. You shouldn't need her as your sidekick for the reception.

I was FHs date to a wedding as our second date. We knew each other for 1 month. One of our best dates ever. And probably a reason we're getting married

I gave my BP all a plus 1 even my MOH. After the ceremony is over and the toasts are over at the reception she is free to have a good time and relax.. well try lol. I don't expect much after that from her and she knows that but she also knows that if I her for help she will be right there to help me. When my brother got married 3 years ago I bought a date and it was no problem at all. Actually my date is my FH so it worked out very well

I again agree with Lori, if you are worried about having issues then I would hire a DOC.

Taking out the fact that I'm in the camp that all bridal party should get a +1, what does she have to do once the reception starts? And if she has a guy she's interested in and it's not going to break your budget, why not make it easier for her to enjoy the reception? You asked her to be in your bridal party because she's meaningful to you - so do something nice for her and let her throw down with her temp-man at the reception instead of having to fly it solo. It's really not going to hurt you.

Thank you all for your input and advice! I hadn't calmed down enough with wedding planning to think of the reception as just fun and not work. I will definitely let her bring him and will try not to anticipate catrastrophee (what I'm fearing I'm not really sure).

I do theoretically have a DOC that comes with my catering package, I just don't trust her, which is a whole other issue. I'm meeting with the DOC on Tuesday and I will be open with her about my fears and have a goal of feeling more confident in her by the end of the meeting.

Thank you all!

You brought up a good point,. :/ I set my MOH up with a date, now I realize she may be busy.

but, her date was going to be at the wedding anyhow, and we are keeping things pretty simple as for any 'to do' stuff for take up and break down. the date idea was mostly for them to meet and so they would have dance partners if they felt like dancing. neither one is really going to know anyone.

as for your MOH, she barely knows this guy. if he was a actual boyfriend then I'd say go ahead and include him. but I agree that her having a first date with the guy is a bit of a conflict.

can you talk to her about this? if you haven't given her a plus one and don't want to, then I don't see how you really have to in this situation. but if she is talking like she's bringing him, think this should be discussed.