UPDATE: SO RUDE!! How to uninvite late, inconsiderate guests....

Wait, your rsvp deadline was yesterday and your numbers were due today? Wedding rule #1 give yourself at least a week between your rsvp date and your due date because you always have to follow up with people. I don't think she's rude for being "late" your RSVP deadline was yesterday. You called her and said oh hey sorry you thought your kids were invited but they arnt. It may take her more than a day to figure out a sitter or other arrangements for them. I don't know what advice to give you when it comes to making space for them but just calling them yesterday and expecting to know their new plans by today was kind of silly of you.

Umm your deadline was just yesterday. The correct thing to do is to wait a couple of days to see if any of the straggler rsvps come in, and for those that don't, you contact them to ask if they're coming. You don't jump to uninviting them. You are supposed to leave a couple of weeks between your rsvp deadline and when your head count is due to the venue to follow up with people. Why did you not leave any time between?? Sorry but this was bad planning on your part. As for the niece, I'm sure she got the message that her kids aren't invited.

Technically they aren't late. They just made a mistake that a lot of guests do in thinking that their kids are invited with them.

If its still early where you are i'd call her.. im also surprised you gave yourself 1 day to have the headcount turned in.. you have to feel overwhelmed at the moment..id skip texting or emailing others..call them.

I'm sorry, I have no patience for this crap and I don't think it's bad planning on your part; I think it's rude stupid behavior on their part. Your RSVP's were due, they ignored it and now it's too late. I don't really understand why YOU should have to follow up with people. They don't respond? FQ#$%Q%@&^&k em. If you didn't need the numbers on a specific date you wouldn't have asked for them by a specific date.

These are adults. If they got a court summons, they'd answer it. They have monthly bills, they path them. The concept that an invite to your wedding can just languish until they find the time to answer you is bullshit. They made their decision by not bothering to tell you what their plans are.

Send an email to those who didn't respond and tell them you're sorry they will miss the festivities. If you have to contact the one with kids, make sure she knows that she can't bring them.

I wish more couples, who spend so much time, effort and money trying to plan a fabulous celebration, had the guts to say to their rude relatives and friends, "Sorry; it wasn't important enough for you to RSVP; it's not important enough for us to have you there."

And then concentrate on the people who happily responded yes, or politely responded with their timely regrets.

Celia, I'm sorry but even adults can make mistakes and forget to RSVP. There was a thread on here about etiquette mistakes that brides here have made with other weddings and a TON people HERE admitted to not rsvping on time or at all to other people's weddings. It happens. Weddings are not the center of the universe for those who aren't planning them. Invitations can be thrown in a drawer and forgotten about easily. The onus is on the host to follow up on an invitation. Things also get lost in the mail - we had 2 people say they sent their card back but we never received them. Good thing we followed up.

Okay for those of you who think I planned poorly and did not allow myself enough time between our RSVP deadline and our vendor deadline, I completely agree with you. I knew I screwed this up as soon as the invites were ordered but every person invited to this wedding was an adult and almost all of the ones we are concerned about here are married themselves. Celia, thank you for getting it. Our STD's went out 6 months ago and invites a full 2 months ago. In my mind, when you got the STD, you know in your mind whether or not you are going to make the effort to attend. When the invite comes, put it on your calendar, figure out childcare and send back the RSVP. If there was a question about whether or not we could accommodate the kids, they could have reached out to FH's stepdad or sent an email to us through our website a LONG time ago. Yes, this wedding is a big deal to us and I get that not everyone has it at the top of their priority list, but most of our guests (especially my side) are making it a priority because they are close friends and relatives. I think these people have hideous manners any way you look at it. This is not a backyard 4th of July party where the attitude is 'the more, the merrier!'. It is a formal sit-down dinner with 5 courses. We knew kids would be bored to tears and there is no place for them to let off steam. the fact that this cousin thought nothing of adding her two kids to the bottom of the RSVP absolutely blows my mind. It is RUDE... and for her to blow off calling back my FH after he left her a message was even ruder. We found out yesterday through his stepdad that she was working on finding a babysitter but she couldn't pick up the phone to tell us that? At this point, I want to call her and say, "I'm really sorry Leslie, but we had to have our numbers in to our vendor yesterday and we did not hear from you so we did not include you in them" except I'm not sorry at all.

Whoa, bridezilla, chill out.

Got any kids? I do. And I can guarantee you that kids (and baby sitters, and back up sitters) don't work on your beloved number schedule. You? Are being rude. Very rude, actually, and I'd consider it a blessing anyone wants to come to your wedding if this is how you treat your guests.

So she hasn't called back yet. And? Are you holding all of your guests to your rather ridiculously stringent schedule? Because if you aren't, you're back to being bridezilla again. If you didn't want them to attend, you shouldn't have invited them. Your crappy planning should not (and cannot) dictate their clear efforts to try and find a solution to your princess-ish fit over an understandable assumption on their part. Give them a week, the same you would any other RSVP, and lay off the coffee.

Was it obvious on the invitation that children were not invited? In my opinion, it's better to be safe than sorry. They did RSVP that they will be attending, so I would assume that is still the case. You could call again to reiterate that children were not invited to avoid extra guests.

Take a deep breath, relax, and remember this is not going to ruin your day.

Okay, now to take action. Maybe you can ask the venue if you can have a few more days you're waiting to hear from a couple people. I'm guessing they aren't putting in your food order almost a month in advance, so they might be able to slide on a few days. Second, ask them what happens if you plan for a certain number of people and then a few extras show up that weren't planned. My venue said that they usually prepare 5% extra food so that if people bring a plus one that wasn't invited, they'll have some food, they'll squeeze them in at a table, and everything is fine. So then if they say they prepare extra then give them the number without the kids. If the kids show up then it still shouldn't be a huge problem.

Also, did you have on the invite anything like "2 seats have been reserved in your honor"? Because if you didn't maybe it wasn't very clear that the children weren't invited and they didn't think they were doing anything wrong. But after the phone call maybe they are looking for something to do. Don't blame them for not being able to figure out that night in a day.

Finally, yes it sucks that people don't RSVP on time (or at all). But sometimes people mail out their rsvp on the due date (kind of like bills they assume as long as it's postmarked by then it'll be okay haha). People forget, people are still trying to figure out if the kid's swim lessons schedule can be moved to a different week, etc. Sometimes people can't RSVP right away. And sometimes people just don't understand how important an RSVP is, they don't realize things like food and chair rentals depend on it. But you just have to remember these are people that want to celebrate your day, you should be courteous.

Also...the "last minute" still means on time. I turn in things for work deadlines at the last minute and it still is accepted. It doesn't matter if it's the first or last week. So don't think of it like this is some terribly rude part of the family.

I was just about to say exactly what Happy In Hawaii said.

I'm in the same boat. That's how people are though, and you should have expected that. 99% of brides have to track people down- and it's usually family.

I'm with Celia (for a change). Regardless of how easy it is to do, it is still rude to not RSVP by the deadline. Inconsiderate is inconsiderate.

That said, Danielle, you should have accounted for people's inconsiderate nature...as messed up as it sounds. Hopefully you'll get the info you need quickly. And the people that failed at adulting, well, they will be left out.

I don't think she's being a bridezilla at all. She's expecting adult behavior from adults who clearly aren't capable of it.

If going to the wedding isn't a priority for them, then they can decline. It's that simple.

Weddings are giant, expensive deals. You all know that. I'm astounded at the rude behavior on guests' part that brides and grooms not only forgive, but enable. You arrange travel for them, block hotel rooms and they still grouse about it. You hold your wedding start because apparently in any group of guests there is a portion that can't get their asses out the door to be at someone's life event on time. You allow them to spend the ceremony behind their cellphones and then tweet photos to social media before you're even introduced. You go out of your way to accommodate vegans, gluten free eaters and lactose intolerant people and they can't even bother to send an RSVP back? One they were alerted to months ago?

I"m sorry, I think it's ridiculous. Wait a couple of days and then send that email.

There goes that newbie, throwing that "b" word around again... -_-

I agree with Emily's point that people make mistakes/forget things, but for the most part, I'm with Celia. It's ridiculous that adults need to be tracked down for a verbal RSVP because they couldn't be bothered to send in the self-addressed, stamped envelope. From friends I've talked to who have gotten married in the last few years, it's not uncommon to have 50% of your RSVPs go unreturned. You cannot tell me that 50% of a guest list "forgot" to send them in. No, they are just lazy or rude.

OP, you did screw yourself with your deadline, but you realize that. As far as the person you called, give her a couple of days and check back with her. It probably does take some time to evaluate childcare options. For the rest of the people who have not RSVPed, do you have any guesses? Are there local people you're close to who you can probably count on coming? Long distance guests who are not likely to make the trip? HIH's suggestion of checking with your venue on food overages is a good idea. Probably the place to start, then you can start looking more in depth on your guest list and see how much time you need/want to devote to calling non-RSVPers.

@Celia I agree that she's not being a bridezilla, but mistakes IMO have been made on the brides part too. To set your RSVP date so close to the date that you have to provide your numbers to the venue was an error. Guests are going to assume that the deadline date for the RSVP is the last day they can mail out the RSVP, they are not thinking that they have to consider the time it takes for the post office to deliver the RSVP to the bride and groom.

And the guests adding their kids to the guest list without discussing with the bride and groom - that's a no-no, hopefully the invitation was specific enough stating that only X amount of seats were reserved, and/or something along the lines the invitation being addressed to only those invited and not to the family; this way the couple has something to back them up when informing the guests that their kids cannot attend.

So what are you proposing Celia? No reminders, and no RSVP card back no space for you? A few of our bridal party, grandparents, close family friends haven't sent ours back and it's due in a few days? Do we get to judge based on how close they are? Where do we draw the line that we shoot people a text or call them to see if they can come? I think reminding people and giving them a week to respond is extremely fair, especially because two of OPs guests said yes, added a few, then still assumed that the original two guests couldn't come, at least those two should be included. Mostly to save brides headaches since these people don't understand how important having numbers are, they are probably the same ones who will show up day of and "never received the email" telling them they're too late.

I get people don't RSVP on time. It's an annoyance all of us will have to face. Yes, the bride should have given more time between the due date and final number count. However, if they can't meet the deadline, invite uninvited guests, and on top of it cannot be bothered to reply back when you reach out to them? Then no, the bride isn't being a "bridezilla". She didn't blow up on this person screaming "RAAH WHY ARE YOU INVITING YOUR CHILDREN!!!!"

I'm all for being gracious hosts and being thankful and realizing that your wedding isn't the most important thing in everyone's lives, but Celia is right. Why do we need to exhaust so many brain cells, huffy breaths, hair pulling, etc. to find out if guests are coming or not? They miss the deadline. You call/text/e-mail them ONCE. If they don't respond, you follow up with a "Thanks but no thanks" (not exactly like that but you know what I mean) and be done. Nobody needs to spend hundreds of dollars on invitations, postage, etc. and then have to call a few times, text a few times, e-mail a bunch begging for a response. It's ridiculous.

Okay guys I'm really not a bridezilla....at all. Our STD's went out 7 months in advance, and our invites went 10 weeks in advance (so that's 7 weeks to respond). We did reach out to the others who did not RSVP and have our counts with the exception of these two who will not return FH's call. That is the part that I find so offensive. She could call him and talk about it. Truthfully, if she had told us about the childcare issue a couple of weeks ago, we probably would have figured out a local babysitter for her. I know that our RSVP deadline and vendor deadline were too close but we were trying to give as much time as possible for those who travel for work to know what their schedule would look like.

At this point, I will have FH reach out to her again tonight and see if they can make it or not. Our venue can just adjust our final invoice.

I just reached out to you guys to get opinions because I was annoyed and really didn't want to overreact. This is a tiny wrinkle in an otherwise painless planning process. We had 19 months to make this happen and nothing is going to pop my happy bubble at this point. I think we are two of the luckiest people on the planet. Thanks to those of you who offered kind words and not instant judgment.