Unwanted family members coming to your wedding

@ Kristin- lol like I said if you had read the entire summary... and did I say that ALL my guests were free loading at my wedding ? No I didn't..

@ Ellaenchanted- this is has been a reoccurring thing since I can remember.. my sister and brother were all adopted (they are half I am not related to them at all) and since I can remember she was always very cruel to me (hitting, slapping, spitting in my face, screaming matches you name it) and top of it she was constantly in trouble with the law, my parents , drugs dropped out of school to be with her at the time boyfriend and I always felt abandoned that my only sister was never there for me. She has lived with my parents with her children 3 times since she had moved out years ago (she needed help and we all tried to pitch in) and while she was there her mental issues I'm guessing caused her to do a lot of lashing out to my parents and myself and we would fight constantly and I'm not talking words, I'm talking about full blown items being thrown at me and threats. I know she has issues but I can only do so much and i know for a fact she wasn't getting help or taking meds. So like I mentioned in the original post, there's a lot of bad blood. I've tried to forgive her the first few times things like this happened, but I've gone through the motions with her enough to say I want no more. I know it may sound heartless and selfish and to just "suck it up" like some of the others have been so kind to say, but until you have been in my shoes and this experience happen to you then it's more easier said then done. My parents are so kind and forgive her each time.. to her she can do no wrong no matter the crime and that's what irritates me about this. And btw my parents ARE NOT paying for everything for those who like to think that... FH and I are paying for a large chunk out of our own pockets !

If your sister does respond to the invite that she is going to come, maybe she is doing better (ie taking needed meds) and wants to reconcile. You shouldn't need to spend much time with her if that's not the case. Good luck sorting it all out

@ ellaenchanted - yes I think they feel bad for because of all the chaos she's been through growing up. I have 7 months to figure something out but thank you for listening and your advice it is appreciated

You sent the STD. You're committed. Maybe you should try and work things out with your sister. Perhaps she has gotten her issues dealt with and grown up a bit. My guess is she won't come though.

I empathize with you. I think your mom is just trying to help. I think you realize now that its too late and she's coming. All you can do is speak you're going to be so busy on that day you won't have to be around her a long period of time. I'm sorry this is happening though

Man, I'm not saying this to judge anyone on here, but it is situations like this which is why you shouldn't involve your family in your planning in any way. Keep it all to yourself so you don't go through this. My fiancé and I are keeping our wedding planning to ourselves and even our families and I mean immediate families like parents and siblings are only gonna find out we are even having a wedding when they get their invitation in the mail.

@OP, there might be some useful takeaways here: http://offbeatbride.com/not-inviting-family/

When you take money, there are usually strings attached, and I can't really imagine that if your mother is giving you money she'd agree to have one of her kids omitted. That seems pretty obvious, at least to me.

You could just invite them without the kids,but you'd have to be consistent and not have any kids.

Whatever you do, don't spend 7 months stewing over this.

I was having this issue and then my sister died. So I would suck it up and maybe try to salvage your relationship before it's too late.

Sounds like she's already coming so it's not much you can do now. Since your parents invited her, ask them to stick close to her and try to prevent any episodes. I don't know if there are triggers that can calm an episode, but since your family has lived with this for so long, maybe your parents know how to help. Try to avoid her and enjoy your day.

At some point, I recommend you talk to your parents about boundaries. They meant well by inviting your sister, but they should try to understand how inviting your sis hurts you - you're still her child as well!

Good luck!

Unfortunately at this point you need just put on your big girl panties and smile it's too late to do anything else

I have a similar situation, but my parents aren't paying for anything but my dress. My mom forced my sister as a bridesmaid (and vise versa, but she decided to elope instead). I had to have 3 very stern conversations with my mother before she finally agreed my sister had to pay her own way on everything if she chose to go to my wedding. Thankfully my dad backed me up and will enforce my "rule." As for the day of, I'm honestly going to put up with a few photos and avoid my sister in general.

I suggest you do something similar. It's harder when your parents are pooling in money because there are ALWAYS strings attached, but I'm sure you can at the very least explain you do not want them financially strained after your wedding.

I had to do that with my dads side, inviting his brothers because it would have caused my dad to be punished (they would punish him for the fact that I didn't invite them)

Kristen, I totally understand a multi-yearcold war that can exist between two formerly friendly sisters -- or any two sisters, for that matter. However, if the variables of "mental severe anxiety", "bi-ipolar" and the nightmare of "schizophrenia" (an actual, measurable disease of the brain that has nothing to do with your sister's abilities and will), I might have had a different reaction to the altercation you had with your sister six years ago.

These are not "moods" -- what you're locked into, it seems, are the symptoms of serious mental illnesses. Your, sister, if the choice were hers, would want nothing more that to be free of this nightmare.

I'm sorry, but I don't understand this: your parents offered to pay for a portion of your wedding, but there was a caveat -- and that caveat was that you reach out your estranged, mentally ill sister, a mother of four. You considered it, took the money, and reached out to your sister -- and this is sad -- in the "hopes that she wouldn't come." You must understand how that reads to the rest of us.

You said, "she'd be getting a free meal,cake and free alcohol at the reception and I'd be forced to speak with her on my special day and take pictures with her with my photographer that I'm paying for (mom is forcing this)." . She sounds absolutely controlled by mental illness, and she's trying to mother four children.

I wish you the best. We all have our unique burdens to bear, and I'm urging you, if you're not just throwing around labels (and your sister is truly diagnosed with these illnesses), to do for her, what you'd want her to do for you -- if the situation were reversed.

ETA: This thread is troubling me. I just re-read what I wrote, OP, and it sounds harsh. My intention is not to chastise you for worrying about a potential scene at your wedding. Is your sister medication compliant. On second thought, I realized you mentioned alcohol at your wedding. If she is medication compliant, how would alcohol interfere with her medication? Are you parents willing to sit with her, and, if necessary, remove her from the wedding? I jumped to a conclusion, and I should have taken your event and your emotional distress into consideration. I apologize if I sounded uncaring. I'm not. I wish you weren't facing this issue -- I really do. However, as others have said, money has strings attached.

Oy vey. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have a sister like yours. I invited her. Mercifully she declined. You have a couple of options. Don't send her an actual invitation. I don't consider a save the date an invitation. Other option is to put the venue on notice that if she so much as puts a pinky toe out of line to call the police. Finally you need to have some harsh words with your mom. She has no right to invite people behind your back regardless of whether or not she contributed money. Your adopted sister is a threat to your safety.

Be mature and polite . Your sister making the effort to go to your wedding may be a blessing. She may have taken the invite as a way to mend your relationship. I have five sisters so I can relate.