Unwanted family members coming to your wedding

Yeah I agree with Ella. If I were you I'd just play nice for one day and then go back to the way it was before.

ETA: words

I agree with Ella. Unfortunately, there's not much you can do now.

I'd recommend talking to your mom about the pictures though! Does she know about your issues with her? Maybe discuss that and tell her you're not comfortable.

As for the money, if you're not paying, it shouldn't matter. If they've offered to pay for her entire family, then that's their thing to worry about.

That ship has sailed. She's coming. Don't let her presence ruin your day. Get a sweetheart table and sit her family with your parents. You just have to be polite, thank her for coming and you'll be done. Your parents love her too and you can't control how they use their money. In the future I would probably help a child of mine attend my other child's wedding if they needed it. Yes you're paying for cake, food, all that.. but you sent a std so you knew this would be a possibility. Don't stew in your anger. Don't give her that power and enjoy your day.

At this point I really dont think there is anything you can do. If you were going to put your foot down it should have been before the Save the Date was sent! Just play nice...take the pics your mom wants. You dont have to use them yourself.

Honestly. Suck it up for a few photos. You don't know what the next years will bring.

Don't let it ruin your day, but keep it in the back of your head if you guys eventually reconcile would you regret not having pictures of the two of you that day.

I say go with the flow.

Boundaries, learn how to have them and use them. If you let your parents push you into this, what else will they ask of you?

The money came with strings attached and you knew it. Plaster a smile on your face, grin and bear it. You'll probably only have a couple photos with her and not have to talk with her much past that.

Agree with above. You have sent the STD, not much you can do now.

My sister put her hands on me years ago and said some pretty hurtful words to me so that's why we don't speak. And initially my mom said I didn't have to invite her in the beginning and then changed her mind. The thing about my sister is that she has mental severe anxiety, schizophrenia and bipolar and is quite unpredictable when she's in her "moods". I'm afraid that even if I say hello thanks for coming etc. she'll still end up making a big deal about us not seeing each other and make the whole day about her... she's good at making people pity her. So that's why I'm so frustrated with the whole deal since originally she wasn't supposed to be there and her mental health issues just scare me how my wedding will be.

You took your moms money, so she gets a say in how the day goes. If you wanted to exclude your sister, you could've paid for it all yourself.

Your wedding is still 14 months away and a lot can and will change before then.

Maybe be brief and courteous but keep your mom by her side to manage her anxiety attacks? Unfortunately, doesn't seem like much to do at this point. Another option is to meet with her privately to hash things out earlier. This way, it's a controlled environment and not on your wedding day.

Yeah man too late now. You shouldn't have sent her an invite. If you don't want people there don't invite them. You can't invite unwanted guests in hopes that they will rsvp no. I don't get along with my family at all and I'm not even telling them we are having a wedding because I'm only inviting two people from my immediate family and I don't want issues. They'll find out when they get their invites and that way I can't be stuck with my mother inviting people I don't want there.

@ Kristen I think you are stuck with the STD being sent. Honestly if I were you I would reach out to my sister a few times for casual touch base conversations before the wedding. This will help with any possible drama or hurt feelings that would be brought up on your big day. Resolve them all before the wedding, even if just to be civil and still continue not to associate with her after.

I am sorta gonna be in the same boat possibly. My FI hasn't spoken to his sister in over two years. His mother wants her and her family invited and is constantly on him about it. I am staying out of the drama, but did tell him that if she comes they need to talk prior to our day. Last thing anyone needs is a family member crying and carrying on over hurt feeling from the past on your big day.

Unfortunately as PPs said, you sent the STD already, so you are obligated to invite her. If your parents continue to attach strings to their wedding contribution, give the money back. We had this issue come up, and we were willing to give the money back (and as a result scale back our plans) if we had to compromise what we wanted for our day (like not inviting certain people we didn't want to be at the wedding). In the end, the strings were released and we did not end up giving back the money.

If things are so bad between you, why is your sister coming? do you think there is a chance she wants a relationship? you've already invited her, so i would just try to see the positives. i agree reaching out to her before the wedding is a good idea.

I have a brother I didn't want invited.. I knew if we took money from my parents that would be part of the deal.. so we did not take them up on their offer to pay for any part of our wedding day. Therefore there has been no money exchanged with strings attached.

@Richard what are you not buying ? I asked for advice not your sour comments your throwing at me. I don't know how the STD was sent my mom sent that.

@ MsMay I agree with you I am stuck and think I may have to bite my tongue and message her on social media just to clear the air that I don't want an ongoing relationship but I have a horrid feeling that she will be dramatic that I don't want to have an actual relationship and have no desire to see her after the wedding. I'm so sorry your FI is going through something similar. My FI stays out of my business too since it is such a sticky situation but is there for support. Good luck and thank you for your advice !

You should've put your foot down already. Also, Mom's paying...so she gets some say in this. Now you have to suck it up.

@ Kristin wow your quick to judge. You obviously don't have a clue about her and how she's been fabulous at free loading off people. And clearly I'm not worried about that part in specific (if you would have read the entire summary you'd know that) but, it just stirs the pot even more ! Thanks for the tip...

Lol I guess everyone who gets invited to a wedding is a freeloader.

Put your big girl pants on and get over it. Be the bigger person and at least be civil with her. You don't really have many other options.