Unsettling finds in the dryer

Not sure what gut feeling you might have but maybe he's embarrassed? Maybe driving to work an awkward time for the conversation for him? I would try to talk when you get a chance alone at home and maybe he will explain more...

So I wasn't familiar with that is so I looked it up. I'm not really understanding why its a big deal. Its a medical condition unfortunately some men go through. I'm sure he was embarrassed to admit that to you and probably didn't want you to feel that's somehow your fault.

I don’t understand the issue here. Do you think he used it and cheated? I mean, it’s strange he kept it from you if he has a medical condition, but it doesn’t sound like you’re that great at communicating either if you let this stir for two days and chose to confront him now about it in the car.

I also don’t really understand here why you’re upset. Okay lying is bad, but this is an extremely sensitive issue so I can see him wanting to keep quiet on it both for his sake and for yours. ED is just a thing that happens and is no big deal (unless there are underlying medical issues that need treatment), but it can
cause insecurities to spiral (a man thinking it makes him less of a man, a woman thinking it’s a personal attraction issue). This is definitely an issue best to tread lightly on, not to be accusatory about. But I’m a bit confused about your gut. Your reaction seems like as if you found a foreign condom wrapper, but this is...not that at all. Yes, you guys definitely have some communication things to work out (if this is an issue it’s be great if you could talk about it), but this is one instance where I understand someone wanting to keep something quiet.

Are you upset because you think this means he cheated or because he wasn’t honest? I’d assume he’s just embarrassed about needing it and doesn’t want to tell you. I know there’s other meds that have ED as a side effect and so the doc prescribes a drug like that, it’s pretty common.

ED is extremely common in men and VERY embarrassing for 99% of them.
My FH and I have been together a looooong time, and even to this day he doesn't want to admit he NEEDS it and VERY often won't take it which means we can easily go 2weeks- 1 month without sex. Seriously it's annoying.
If he actually needs it and is just embarrassed and trying to hide it, then it shouldn't be an issue.
Putting it In pickets is weird, but perhaps he was trying to throw away the evidence where you wouldn't see it and ended up forgetting?

Its pretty common actually. He's probably embarrassed. I would only be concerned if for some reason we weren't having sex right now...like holding off for the wedding but he was still taking Cialis. I think you guys just need to sit down and talk.

Yeah, I mean it's not like it's meds for an STD or something. He probably just didn't feel comfortable talking about it, which is a different issue. As long as you don't think he's using them to cheat on you, have a conversation about it but try to be empathetic and understanding.

Cialis is the one a guy takes and it is good for 24 hours right? Viagra is the one where you take it then better get busy (I think.)

OP - I think your man needs some help in this area at times, he is probably embarrassed as this area is obviously very personal to men and he does not want you to know he needs a little help. Approach him and tell him you would like to discuss this, it sounds like you just need to talk a bit.

Looks like I am the only one here but I would also be suspicious. I wouldn't care about the medication, what I would care about is that if you are about to marry this guy, you would know he might have issues with 'it' and he would have maybe mentioned it to you. Yeah it can be embarrassing but also the fact that he brushed it off so as not to even talk about it with you is strange. If I were a guy, about to get married, and had an issue that needed medication and my FI brought it up I would just say "yeah, hey babe, I have problems and I am taking this to help our relationship." End of story. The fact that he evaded it is weird. I'd confront him more about it.

I don't really think this is cause for concern. He might have been embarrassed about it, he may have always taken it, he may have recently been prescribed it and wanted to see if it worked before he brought it up. Yes, you guys should talk about everything but so many men have a tough time talking about their nether regions. It's embarrassing, they don't feel like a man, they can get a complex and overcompensate. I don't think it was fair for you to stew and confront him in the car on the way to work. Of course he's not going to want to talk about it then if he's feeling attacked and put on the spot rather than you approaching him out of a place of concern and sensitivity.

It doesn't sound like communication is great on either side. If he does need it, it doesn't sound like you were aware he had ED, so I definitely think this is cause to open up the conversation in the bedroom and about sex in general.

It could be that he isn’t functioning down there and is embarrassed?



Just to be on the safe side, look through his phone and social media to see if there is anything fishy going on (make sure he doesn’t know so he doesnt have the opportunity to delete anything).

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Look through his phone and social media? That is so intrusive and a terrible breach of trust. If you're at the point where you need to go through someone's phone and social media behind their back, you should absolutely not be planning a wedding with that person. I agree with PP's that this is more than likely not something to be suspicious of. Again, men who experience ED will have a great deal of embarrassment, and it might be difficult to share. That being said, it is something that should be discussed, certainly before marriage. Are you concerned he used it for cheating? Cialis is a long term drug, meaning that they can't just pop one and it works for a few hours. I know this because I dated a man a long time ago who needed it. This is not a drug someone will take to cheat, except, like someone else said, you have not been physically intimate in a long time.

View Quoted Comment You clearly have some major trust issues in your own life. That is a very sneaky and inappropriate thing to do in this situation.

OP he is likely seriously embarrassed/ashamed to bring this up. Performance is a huge part of confidence and "being a man". It's not easy to talk about for 99.9% of men.

My best advice would be to just have a conversation. "Hey. I was doing laundry and found this. Can we talk about it?"

Please don't assume there's anything nefarious going on here.

View Quoted Comment "Look through his phone and social media" ...? "Make sure he doesn't know" ...? This is TERRIBLE advice. OP, please do not start your marriage by breaching your partners trust and violating his privacy. This is so inappropriate.

my husband and I have each other's fingerprints on both our phones. I often use his phone and vice versa. I would never ever go snooping or into his conversations if he didn't ask me to. Likewise, I would be so upset if I asked him to text A back for me and he said, "hey so I was just reading your conversation with B and what's up with ...?"

@April - if you don't trust your FH and you need to violate his privacy, you shouldn't be marrying him. He deserves better than that.

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This is awful advice. Whatever you decide, do not follow her advice.

I agree with everyone else. This is a very sensitive issue and you should be cautious and mindful of how you choose to handle it.

View Quoted Comment OP, do not follow this advice. This is the worst possible advice someone could ever give.

If secretly looking through your FS phone and social media is how a person think is appropriate to act, it's a marriage doomed to fail. Especially over something as trivial as ED medication. That's childish behavior expected of a pre-teen, not an adult about to be married.

OP, based on what you wrote, it sounds like ya'll already have some communication issues. He didn't tell you about it something that is harmless, but very embarrassing. And you let it fester for days before speaking with him about it, and then did so at an inappropriate time (driving, trapped in car).

You need to have an open conversation, and perhaps even consider some time of marital therapy to work on your communication issues before they ruin your relationship and marriage.

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This is exactly what not to do.

Why are you saying it's not a big deal? It's their both deal. Yes, he could be embarrassed but she's his future wife. Why he haven's said about that? Cialis can also be taken to treat more serious problems than just symptoms of ED. Generic Cialis is used to treat BPH, for example. And thereby it should be taken on a regular/daily basis. So I think the wife should know the reason and it's not her fault that she found the pills.

It depends on what your gut says. Are you upset he lied? Are you scared of cheating? Perhaps he was embarrassed. That isn't something men like to admit to. I know you feel he should be able to tell you anything, but maybe he was ashamed?