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Just Said Yes May 2010

unity candle lighting by the mothers

Connie, on December 30, 2009 at 7:36 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

I am acutall the florist for this wedding. The bride and mother got in an arguement over proper lighting of the unity candle. The mother seems to think that lighting the "mother's" candle is performed by the long candle lighters used to light the other candles in the church prior to the ceremony. The bride believes that the candles should be lit with a simple lighter placed near the candles. Does anyone know proper lighting ettiquete for mothers?

9 Comments

Latest activity by Tammy, on September 25, 2022 at 12:37 PM
  • cnmnfe44
    Expert January 2010
    cnmnfe44 ·
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    I dont know the proper but i would think by the other candles also because it will be lite infront of the guests so you wouldnt want to use a lighter.

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  • C
    Just Said Yes May 2010
    Connie ·
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    Thank you so much for your response. I think I'm going to suggest that the mothers carry lit candles down the aisle to light their sides of the unity candle if it's the formal touch that they're looking for instead of using the huge lighters provided by the church.........good idea???

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  • Analy aka T-waffle
    Master October 2009
    Analy aka T-waffle ·
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    The way that I saw it done best, was that the mothers carried the "family candles" down the aisle together (one each), lit. They then went up together to the unity candles, and lit each tall candle with them. That was done as the mothers initially entered the church, and the candles they used were placed into some simple holders also there on the altar, after being blown out.

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  • The Potters
    Master September 2009
    The Potters ·
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    I've never seeen the long lighter thing used. Always a short one that is already on the table with the candles.

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  • Denise livin on 5
    VIP June 2010
    Denise livin on 5 ·
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    What are these long lighters lighting? (Acolyte Candles)

    I wouldnt suggest walking down with already lit candles. They could blow out, drip wax on dresses, catch something on fire.

    What I'd suggest is, if there are going to be other candles already lit at the alter that the mothers take the 2 side candles (unlit) and light them by the other candles.

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  • Barry Kolanowski
    Barry Kolanowski ·
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    As a wedding officiant for thirty years I can tell you there is NO official lighting technique. However, those long candle lighters are way to big asthetically for two nice moms to wield. My FAVORITE way is the have a pre-lit votive candle hidden behind the center candle. When the moms come forward they simply remove the tapers from the sides of the main candle, dip them into the votive candle then put the tapers back in their holders. If anyone wants some suggested wording for this part of a ceremony let me know.

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  • C
    Just Said Yes May 2010
    Connie ·
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    Thank you Pastor Barry for your response. I have a meeting in the morning with the parents of the bride and I plan to highly suggest your means of lighting the candles.

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  • M
    Just Said Yes October 2017
    melanie ·
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    Hi Rev Barry,

    7 years later this still presents questions. Thanks for confirmation that you don't have to stick to an EXACT technique. That said, I would really appreciate suggested wording.

    On another note: If a couple, both with grown children, from a previous relationship, is getting married; can their children light the individual candles, in place of the mothers to be handed over to their parents?

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  • T
    Tammy ·
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    I would love some suggested wording for my daughter’s wedding.
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