Uninviting someone

If you uninvited her that is a friendship ending move. Are you willing to do the esp at a time when she probably needs a friend to turn to when this relationship explodes?

You don't see her as a friend anymore because her boyfriend may ruin your wedding?

You sound very selfish. It sounds like the priority to you, is that your wedding be picture perfect at the cost of a very dear friend. A friend, whom could probably use actual support.

If your friendship is over, you might as well knock that final nail in the coffin. I doubt she would want to stand next to someone who could throw her away so easily anyway.

If her ticket is nonrefundable, I really don't think you should uninvite her. Thats just me though.

This is a decision that she has to make, you can't uninvite someone. ESPECIALLY to a DW, and ESPECIALLY knowing that she has already purchased the plane ticket, and I'm assuming attire and whatnot for your wedding. She's already spent a lot of money towards your day and you're just going to turn your back on her because her boyfriend is a douchebag?

I would have a conversation with her. Clearly she knows his craziness is affecting her and your events. Be honest and tell her you are very worried it will ruin your wedding, see what she has to say...Maybe she will agree and say she won't come on her own. Or if she still insists on coming, give your father or someone close to you authority to kick her out if she gets out of control. I have some people I don't want coming because I am afraid of how they will handle themselves with an open bar, so my wedding coordinator has full authority to kick anyone out who she feels is getting to rowdy.

Like PP uninviting her will completely ruin your friendship. If you aren't worried about that be straight up with her and tell her not to come. If you aren't prepared for that, you'll have to talk with her about your feelings and work something out with her.

If you really want to uninvite her know that this will be really ending a friendship.

Uninviting her would be a really shitty thing to do. It's certainly a tough situation you're in and I'm sorry for you and most of all, your friend. It seems she doesn't have the courage to stand on her own two feet and leave this waste of space, but hopefully she will come around. If you care about her and value her friendship, I'd just move forward as planned.

I so glad my friends are not fair weather. She sounds like she needs friends now more then ever. My wedding would never take priority over my friends.

I had a friend who was with a compete asshole who fucked her over and I would be there to pick up the pieces, then it would happen again and again and again. Each time I supported her. Why? Because she is my friend. Now she's in a great relationship but without the support myself and our other friend gave her she might still be stuck in that shitty relationship, who knows?

It sounds a bit hysterical that you think this guy will fly after her to Brazil to ruin your wedding, if he's that bad she could get a restraining order.

You don't.

I have tried to maintain a healthy friendship with her with everything that she has going on in her private life. After months and months of trying to be by her no matter what, supporting her through and through, it is starting to backfire on me since she defends him time after time, girl after girl that he sleeps with, she tries to justify all the wrongdoings because she doesn't believe she can't find someone "so wonderful" as he is. He does not like me because I tell her I do not think she should be with him anymore if he continues to cheat on her and the friendship has already started to become toxic. I do not want her in my wedding, I think she needs time to figure herself out with this guy before her and I can continue to be friends. Right now I do not see her as a friend, so YES I am prepared for the friendship to end if this is what it comes down to. In my eyes it already has, she is not the girl I used to know several years ago, she's lost in this relationship and I feel like there is nothing else I can do but to remove myself from that mess. The last thing I want is for something to happen in front of our families and end up ruining our most precious day.

If this is her significant other, did you not invite him to your wedding? That was the first rude thing you did. Now you want to uninvited her to your DW? Wow, you sound like a great friend.

You should uninvite her so she knows you're not really her friend and she can move on.

Is this real life? You want to stop being her friend because she's in a controlling relationship? Don't you understand that abusers try to isolate their victims from their friends and family? You're really just helping him get what he wants.

It would be beyond shitty to make her eat up the cost of her travel arrangements (I bet they are non-refundable) and kick her out of the wedding. I would be so ashamed of myself if I ever thought about doing that to a friend I valued enough to choose as a bridesmaid.

@FutureMrsBaran what horrid advice.

OP, uninviting her would be incredibly rude, especially when she already purchased her tickets. I'm curious, how did she ruin your bachelorette?

"She's lost in this relationship" - so you want to just abandon her there yeah? That's what your saying?

If you're prepared for the friendship to end, which you say you are, then just tell her not to come. There's no polite or unhurtful way to say it.

All you can do is be very very honest with her then. Don't come into it with an antagonistic mood. Don't tell her you hate her loser boyfriend, just tell her that you're concerned the drama in her life will affect your wedding, and you need to know that if she comes she will leave all of it (and him) behind for the weekend. A true friend will recognize that what you're saying is true. If your friendship is really over, she'll flip out and that will be that.

But make sure that you are the bigger person here--no pointing fingers, no talking about her boyfriends wrongdoings, NOTHING but simply saying that you're concerned that something may bleed over into your day. That a harsh thing to say as it is, but she can't be unaware that it hasn't affected your friendship already.

No he was never invited to the wedding and she was aware of it all along. I do understand this sounds selfish but this guy is so out of control she verbalized she fears for herself when he "blacks out" and cannot remember what he is doing. I have begged for her to record these encounters and call the police on him but she refuses to because she is afraid she is going to lose him. I do not take this lightly but I fear not for my party, but for someone to be physically hurt on a day that is supposed to be so precious to us and remembered forever.

Looks like you already know your answer then. If you are ready to end the friendship and you want to do it in the manner then well ... go for it.

This just gets worse, so she is terrified of what he might do to her when he blacks out. She's a victim of you ask me and you are being a terrible friend. I would never cut someone out of life because they were in a controlling and abusive relationship