Abby
Beginner May 2022

Uninviting people?

Abby , on August 7, 2019 at 12:23 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 48
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I had sent a save the date (not a formal invitation) to my current employer’s family, but very recently some really creepy, bad things have happened and I don’t want to see him there. Can I just not send a formal invitation? How should I handle this?

48 Comments

Latest activity by Ivy ORP, on August 14, 2019 at 6:41 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    It’s extremely rude to send a save the date and not an invitation. If you’re going to do so, I would have a conversation with him and offer up an explanation, not just pretend the STD was never sent.
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  • Kellie Martinez
    Super October 2019
    Kellie Martinez ·
    • Flag

    If the creepy thing that happened is bad enough that you don't even want to see them then I wouldn't send the invitation. Not everyone deserves an explanation.

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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Kellie!
    • Reply
  • Yam
    VIP September 2019
    Yam ·
    • Flag
    If he’s aware of what happened(and sounds like he caused?) then I guarantee he wouldn’t expect an invite from you.
    • Reply
  • M
    Devoted October 2019
    Melodie ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I agree with this. Just because it is "bad etiquette" to not follow through with an invitation does not mean you are in the wrong here. Don't invite them, and if you don't want to address it directly with them, don't. It does make it more complicated that this is your employer, so depending on what the situation is, you may want to talk to HR. Not about your wedding, but if your employer is making you feel uncomfortable, that is definitely something to talk to HR about. Wish you the best!

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  • Lauren
    VIP September 2019
    Lauren ·
    • Flag

    I'd rather be rude to one person than totally uncomfortable my whole wedding day. Please take PP's advice and talk to HR if it is something serious. It is better to have a record of the incident just in case it escalates or moves on to someone else.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    This depends entirely on the particulars of the circumstances. If it involves you, it’s in the open, and you’re leaving the position, by all means, I’d just not invite and presume it would be understood. If you still work there and it doesn’t directly involve you (or there’s a host of more complicated twists) I think you will need to tread differently as an unaddressed lack of invitation would affect work environment. In that case I’d go for a polite concise explanation that due to the circumstances, you can no longer accommodate them. But again, all the relevant specifics are important. If is an HR issue, certainly involve them.
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
    • Flag

    Nope! Don't send an invitation. If they ask then tell them but if not just leave it. We were in the same situation and he was informally invited and asked for his address and everything. He is now no longer invited and he dose not diverse and explanation.

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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
    • Flag
    If you are uncomfortable and feel unsafe with them around do not send a formal invitation.
    • Reply
  • Abby
    Beginner May 2022
    Abby ·
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    Part of the struggle is that I’m a nanny - so there’s no HR, no official anything. The comments about my body have just gotten really out of line. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong. When I ask him to stop or tone it down, he laughs - I think he thinks I’m kidding. My last day is Monday, so I won’t have to see them again. I just don’t know if it’s worth the confrontation of explaining or not?
    • Reply
  • Jessica
    VIP October 2019
    Jessica ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Absolutely agree.. etiquette goes out the window in some cases. Don't let anyone on a random wedding forum that has nothing to do with your wedding tell you that you have to invite anyone you don't want there.

    • Reply
  • Jessica
    VIP October 2019
    Jessica ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I would just leave it be and rid these people from your life when you are done. I was a nanny before and I totally feel for you with not having anyone to go to.

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  • Lauren
    VIP September 2019
    Lauren ·
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    I understand, I am sorry you are going through this. It seems you will be long gone by your wedding day and even by the time you send out invites. I would just completely forget about them.

    • Reply
  • Melissa
    VIP September 2019
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    So sorry that you are in this situation, but seeing as you are no longer going to be their nanny, absolutely no need to invite them.
    • Reply
  • Grace
    Dedicated December 2019
    Grace ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    Send a letter to the wife explaining the exact reasons why you won't be able to follow up with an invitation. Let the creep deal with that.
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag

    I completely agree with PP, you won't be employed there anymore and will be long gone before your wedding date. It may be bad etiquette, but I think this is a circumstance where it is understandable.

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    Some things are more important than etiquette. You absolutely do not owe this man or his family any explanation. You should only offer one if you feel it will offer you some closure, not because some archaic rule dictates that’s this is what you should do. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this and wish you all the best on your wedding day.
    • Reply
  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
    • Flag

    Sending a save the date than turning around and uninviting them is a bit rude. I do not know the circumstances so if you do not want him there it's your decision and your wedding. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone.

    • Reply
  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Yep, I agree! And send the letter registered mail to HER so SHE has to pick it up at the post office. I do believe in inviting people after you sent STD's but if this man has not gotten with the Me Too movement and you are in any way uncomfortable around him, do NOT invite him.

    • Reply
  • Cortney
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Cortney ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Kellie
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