Uninvited People Offering Gifts??

This just happened to me. A former coworker texted me a photo of something she thought I would like, and I said how much I loved it and that I'd have to get one. A few minutes later she texted back and said "I ordered it for you - it's your wedding present!". I just tried to be gracious and said something along the lines of, "Wow! You really did not have to do that! That is so very sweet of you. I know that FH will love it, thank you!"

I don't know if it was the best response, but it's all I could think to say. She definitely knows that she's not invited to the wedding. The way I see it is, I would never in a million years expect someone to give us a gift, especially if they're not invited, so if she chose to on her own (I haven't spoken to her in weeks btw), then that's something she has decided to do and all I can do is be thankful. I of course will send her a thank you note and let her know how much it means to us. It can definitely be an awkward situation, though!

I found my friend's daughter's baby registry and sent her something for the baby. Even though I wasn't invited to the shower. I wasn't expecting anything but I did wait until after the shower so it wouldn't look like I was trying to get an invite.

ETA: If the "you dont have to do that" doesn't work and they insist, just let them and write them a nice thank you card.

I've sent gifts to friend's of mine that were getting married/having babies without being invited. I made it clear that I didn't need an invite...just wanted to send them a little something as a "congratulations". It's usually old friends/co-workers.

It happens. Some people just like to give gifts. My mom's co-workers all chipped in and got DH and I a very generous gift card to bed bath and beyond and none of them were invited to our wedding. Also, a long time friend of my moms who lives in FL and we are in NY, sent a check for our wedding and she wasn't invited either. Its just something some people do, I don't think it has anything to do with wanting an invite. Just smile and say thank you so much! IMO that's not being greedy or gift grabby at all!

I think it is okay to accept it if they are offering and are completely aware that they are not invited. I am actually in the middle of putting together some money to put on a gift card for one of my coworkers who is getting married on Saturday. We all know that we are not invited but think it would be something both he and his wife could use. No strings attached. And of course, no pressure for my coworkers to participate either. I just kind of sent an email saying "Hey I plan on getting a gift card, if any of you are interested in joining in, let me know. No pressure!"

We are not inviting any coworkers. I have worked with one woman very closely, she's been the instructional aid in my room for the last 4 years (8 semesters!) and she has hinted that she wants to buy us a gift. I think people who care about you, like coworkers, understand that you can't invite everyone but still want to express their good wishes.

I've been wondering about that myself. I've heard of teachers at a school throwing other teachers showers, but I know teachers don't invite the whole school to their wedding. I've always kind of wondered how that works as far as etiquette goes.

My co-workers threw me a work shower. They just like parties. The gifts were mostly joint gifts. I had two friends from high school send me a gift. I hadn't seen them in over 3 years so I didn't invite them. They looked up our registry and bought us one that way.

Thanks ladies. I just wasn't sure what to say because I don't want to seem like I'm looking for gifts.

I know some of my mom's friends that I couldn't invite (but would if we had the budget) told her that they plan to purchase some things off of our registry, but because of their relationships with my mom, I'm not surprised by that.

I think the people who have said something are people I wouldn't expect to extend something like that, which is what caught me off guard.

I know they have good intentions.

I've sent gifts for weddings i wasnt invited to, usually DW or last minute we are getting married in 3 months or less weddings because I know why I wasnt invited (DW... so they knew i wouldnt come OR last minute so I live far and couldnt make arrangements that fast). They didnt tell me but context clues from others who werent invited makes it obvious

It happens. People who are aware of your upcoming marriage wish to send you a congratulatory gift.

Hello? Is this for real?

For heavens sake, be grateful and appreciative. Say thank you. Realize that this person is going out of his or her way to wish you well in the form of a GIFT.

These people who bought you a gift? They rock! They're awesome! Make sure they know it.

Your wedding is the ONE time in your life when people will go out of their way for you. Or not. Watch this closely and you'll know who matters.

I got a check from my former in laws. We still get along well, they are my daughter's grandparents, and have always been supportive of me and my daughter and my DH. It was very unexpected to return to it after the honeymoon. I thanked them for it and reassured them that they always have a special place with us and will send a formal thank you with all the others we send out. I made sure they were ok with not being invited to the wedding and explained our situation for guest list, and that honestly we felt it would be a little awkward for all of us if they were there.

Lively, I think she feels guilty for not inviting them to the wedding, she doesn't want to disappoint them. That's how I feel anyways when I'm put in that situation.

This happened to me as well. We just this weekend found out that one of the servers at our favorite restaurant is making something for us. Now I feel bad not inviting them to the wedding (we have 3 servers there we're close to.) I always give gifts for weddings, babies, etc and never expect an invite, so I know they're just being nice. I'll write them a super nice thank you card and just be happy people care that much about us.

Lively, you sure are living up to your name this morning...

I understand that they are happy for us and want to do something nice, regardless of if they're invited or not. However, for *me* its a little awkward. I just wanted to see what other brides experiences were and any advice. That is what WW is for, isn't it?

You seem to be the only person up in arms over this question.

People get it that they can't be invited to the wedding. Be happy, young grasshoppers! (LOL) Getting gifts is not a dilemma.

It's all good! Would you please enjoy yourselves a little?

I've had this happen to me a few times. Well actually I just received gifts that were given to my mother or my FMIL. It was very sweet of those people, and they knew they weren't invited. I sent them a thank you note.

@Jai, I'm not up in arms. I'm just saying...receiving a gift isn't that awkward. Receive it! Delight in it! Enjoy it. (Return it if you hate it.) But good heavens...please enjoy it.

I guess the larger issue is the whole "attention on the brid" is a little awkward for me at times.

I'm used to being the one taking care and doing things for others.

I know this is probably the first, last, and only time I will be in this situation, so I need to accept it.

Its cool @Lively. I get it.