Uninvited children

You're really not supposed to split up families like that. A proper cutoff age is 18 or 21, in which case those would be adults and receiving their own invites anyway. Your aunt is technically not wrong.

I think you'll run into some problems with allowing some peoples kids to come bc they're 16 and the others cant because they're younger. I would have an only 18 and up because it's kind of unfair for some kids to be invited and others not. Yes I understand that 16 and 8 is a huge age difference and they'll be more mature but people will want all their kids there if one is invited

Agree with pps. It’s too late now but you were in the wrong here for picking an arbitrary age as a cutoff. The 19 year old should’ve gotten their own invitation and then either no invite for the other kids or both of them included.

You actually have the right to choose any sort of age limit, guest list, etc. No one has the right to tell you who you should/should not invite since it's your wedding. You also dont have to explain yourself to others about your decisions. When it comes to weddings it's your day and you and your to be spouse get to determine any detail you would like. In the end its day to enjoy and no one else what the right to question or push back against your decisions. Will they, most likely, but that's just because people think they have the right to try and have input when they dont. People can find babysitters or other family members for small children and most middle aged kids dont want to be at a wedding in the first place. The age limit might include some kids and not others in a family but that is okay.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong, you have all the right in the world to be picky with those invited to your special day. Lets just be honest we know our families good and we know whether inviting someone might cause some type of a problem. I've become pretty cold in the wedding planning process because I have to be. I understand the part about splitting up a family but in reality young children do not belong in a wedding, they don't understand its importance of the day. To make matters worse I just know that once they arrive at the location they will slowly forget that they brought their kids with them until it is time to leave. My wedding will be an adult only event and my youngest guest my baby cousin (17 yrs old) will be walking me to my Ceremony. Although he is 17, he is a big boy and understands the importance of the day therefore, I have absolutely no worry in my mind that he would do anything to ruin the day. I feel like its pretty sucky for people to argue back and say things like how can I not take my kid? I guess I wont be able to go! This is unfair!!! All of a sudden there they are in Facebook and Instagram posting stuff that says, dropped off my kids with the baby sitter, time to go party! When its convenient they can find a sitter in a second, when they want to prove a point about them not being able to take their child to your wedding all of a sudden the price of a sitter matters, the drive to drop them off and pick them up. I mean if you can do it for a night out at the club you can do the same for this. I also understand that many of the people who may be considered baby sitters may also be going but sometimes you need to think outside of the box. I've cared for my god children while their parents had a night out. I'm just saying these have all been things thrown my way and sorry, notsorry but its going to stay that way. If someone really wants to be there family or not they'll make the necessary effort. Best of luck !!!!

View Quoted Comment So you’re not having an adult wedding with a 17 year old there.

I don't understand why the age cut off can only be 18 or 21. Teenagers can look after themselves, small children cannot and need to be attended to the entire time. The oldest of the young kids is actually only 5, the rest are younger. and the teenagers coming I am very close with and there's only 6 anyways, two of which are junior bridesmaids. I kind of understand not splitting up families and this probably sounds horrible but my aunts youngest is literally a nightmare and she does nothing to control him. It'd be hard to say they are invited only to the reception to avoid one of his screaming matches, which is how he acts 95% of the time, during the ceremony as they would be making a decent drive to get there, but he could also easily stay with her ex husband (his father). I feel like if I invite him, it's a dig at other people with young kids, some of whom are coming from out of state and have had to arrange sitters at home or to be brought with to stay in hotels with their kids, and I can't go the route of not inviting his older siblings cause I was practically raised with them. Maybe I should just uninvite the whole family and save myself the stress LOL

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My 17 yr old cousin has dealt with much in his short life and is a very mature young man. In my opinion an adult is not an 18 and over event after all I am not having a club party that would require a minimum age for entrance. Adult only, is not defined by the age of the guests but of their ability to behave appropriately. Lets not sit here and pretend that everyone over the age of 18 acts like a perfect adult because it is very much not the case. So my 17 yr old cousin will not make my wedding a non-adult event. But it's different experiences and ideas like this that cause opposing views in certain topics and can cause issues when planning events.

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We have specifically not invited several adults for their previous behavior at other events lol I am right there with ya on this one

View Quoted Comment Daria, with all due respect I think you're absolutely wrong on this. The bride has every right to request no children. My daughter and her fiance have been very specific on the invitations, on the RSVP cards, on theknot.com, Etc that there are to be no children under the age of 16 at the wedding or the ceremony reception. This is mainly due to the ceremony being held on the beach and then the reception being held in a 3 story beach house right after the ceremony. In addition neither my daughter nor her fiance want children of Their Own and they're not really fond of children therefore they do not want them at any part of the wedding, reception, or even the rehearsal dinner. She has one person whose wife is insisting upon bringing their one-year-old. As my daughter put it "I'm not spending $40,000 on a wedding and reception for a one year old to screw it all up". This is a wedding with only 40 people attending and my daughter is providing alcohol, hotel, and Uber rides for all the guests. So, a Couple of things.., it may sound selfish but she does not want a one year old stealing her Limelight on her day. Second thing is that she wants to be able to drink and cuss and get a little rowdy and not have to worry about a baby being there. Everyone coming is approximately 28 years old and all professionals except for this one mother. I think this person has a lot of nerve ignoring everything that my daughter and her fiance have told her about NOT bringing the baby! Again it's her day and this is how she wants it. It's not breaking up a family as you said. It's asking the family to be respectful of the bride and grooms wishes. If they don't feel comfortable leaving the baby with someone they trust then they simply shouldn't come. I'm not trying to be rude but your comment about how that's breaking up a family is just ridiculous in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment EXACTLY!!!!

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Exactly. This is how I feel on a lot of the etiquette posts. Everyone always attacks the OP about wanting their wedding that they're paying for a certain way. Like if you have an issue with the fine print then don't come and enjoy the two open bars, cigar bar, pre-arranged transportation to and from the venue etc. This is too expensive and meticulously planned out to change what we want so that we don't offend anyone for not inviting their 4 year old who will most likely scream through the ceremony. All i wanted to know was how to tell her he can't come, not how my wedding isn't "proper" enough.

Definitely a tough issue to face here. I don't agree with people over the age of 18 needing their own invite. If they still live with their parents I think it is fine to address the family as a whole. Or even only put the names of the invited on the invite. That's what I did, but I really don't have any kids in the family and those that do have kids are under the age of 5 and I only addressed the invite to their parents and specified on the RSVP how many seats were reserved. What do you think you're going to do about it? And yes I agree too many people attack the OP and it pisses me off. You're just asking for advice, not to know how you're "doing it wrong" which you aren't. You can invite whoever you want. I'd honestly call and say sorry for the misunderstanding but I have to cut it off or the invite is addressed to adults only. Sorry I wish I had a solid answer!!! I might need help with this too lol.

View Quoted Comment WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I think you misunderstood what I said. I am not inviting kids to my own wedding, except those in the bridal party. I’m not talking about splitting kids from their parents. It’s perfectly acceptable to have a child free wedding, or to invite kids in circles (immediate family for example.) it’s pretty well known though that you wouldn’t invite only part of a sibling group though. Basic etiquette. Search other posts on this, if you like. But what OP is suggesting is conditional be rude, and will rightfully cause hard feelings amongst the family.

15 is a very arbitrary cut-off. Why did you pick that age? 15-17 are still children, many would argue that 15-20 are still children. The only weddings I have been to with age cutoffs, the age was 21.

As to everyone else: no one is attacking the OP.

View Quoted Comment But as I said before, either I invite this one 4 year old whereas nobody else with kids this age are allowed or dont invite any of the kids from this family, even though one is above the "accepted" cut off of 18 and I grew up him and his sister who's just below. I feel like theres no good way to go about this situation lol

View Quoted Comment 15 year olds wont throw temper tantrums during the ceremony or need to be looked after lol. Honestly I didnt even think anything of the cut off cause every family wedding I've been to has been no young children but teens were allowed.

It is your wedding. Everyone has a different idea of proper etiquette for age cut offs but you chose something that made sense for your day and there is nothing wrong with that. Certain guests might be pissed but it’s not their wedding. It’s going to be awkward but calling the people who rsvp’d additional children as guests and simply saying “I’m sorry but the age cut off is 15” is perfectly fine.

It is perfectly acceptable to split one family where there is a huge she gap. Very young children have different schedule and sleep needs, need different supervision, and are not appropriate at affairs which are planned for those out of puberty or adults. Children need to know, there are some times when older children and adults do things with other older people. And when you get older, your older brother and sister will be on their own, and we will only take you with us. . It is real life, from amusement parks, to movies, in school functions, sports, and any large social affairs. Children of some age groups are welcome, others ate nit considered appropriate, too old or too young, and may not attend. . I sometimes think in recent years when people seemingly have no ability to put limits on anything, or own up to their part of taking responsibility for things, the problem traces back to parents who raised them with mommy and daddy doing everything to make sure their were no barriers to kids doing anything they wanted. And parents who identified being a good parent as doing everything for their child. . I had an army nurse friend who was asking me how to thank a commanding officer's wife for inviting her to an off base dinner party. I asked, didn't you ever visit friends at their parent's houses? She said, My mom did that till I left home. Eighteen?? No, 23. For Christmas and birthday gifts, and any time invited anywhere... Yikes. And parents who say it is unfair for a six ir ten year old not to go where a sixteen goes are sending a bad message to their kids. And I'm pretty sure that they don't let 6 year olds go on dates till midnight on Friday and Saturday, like older kids. But they get wild if a hostess makes a responsible decision.. As hostess, you determine who is welcome. If anyone does not have the manners, ir respect for you to graciously accept it, . it is their problem .They can model tantrum behavior for their kids when they get upset and keep everyone home because Mom (or Dad) cannot getting their demands met. Great parents.

Back to the main question, which how you would handle this do no one gets offended. Ain’t gonna happen, baby . You have every right to have your wedding your way. If the child in question is the terror you say he is, no one will want him there. Momma’s gonna be mad. Gird your loins and make that call. Stick to your guns.