Uninvited Bridesmaid {Awkward}

Ask your step parent to cover her costs if you want her involved. If you don't, then expect to pay her way or have her cause drama.

Isn't an attendant the same as a bridesmaid?

Which will be worse, dealing with her in the wedding party or dealing with the fallout if she's not? Maybe talk to her and let her know that it probably won't be cheap, then suggest some other way for her to be involved that is less financially taxing (like doing a reading).

If you don't want her in your bridal party, that's your decision to make but don't make it about the money. Just be honest with her and tell her "I'm sorry I've decided on so-and-so to be my bridesmaids, but thank you for offering. I'd love for you to (some other responsibility)". Don't tell her its cuz you don't think she can afford, that's insulting. If you want her there, or its not worth the drama to not ask her, then let her be a bridesmaid. Let her worry about her own finances. The only thing she would need to pay for would be a dress anyway.

If you don't want her to be a bridesmaid, don't let her be a bridesmaid. Avoid the drama.

Agree with everything sara said. It sounds like even if she did have the money you still wouldn't pick her to be a bridesmaid anyway so take that out of the equation.

Just don't ask her to be a bridesmaid, I guess I have too much of a realist approach. I don't understand feeling uncomfortable about having or not having people involved in your wedding. It's your day, only invite and have people participate as you see fit.

If it's about the money all the other bridesmaids should understand that she's not able to contribute to the showers if they're all in a much better financial situation. Mostly I agree with, have who you want, but if you think it's going to cause your family problems then I always lean towards the side of having sisters unless there is something wrong. You would not be in the wrong letting her know you expect for her to pay for her dress, but you would be in the wrong assuming she's supposed to come to the bachelorette, assist in throwing a shower, or paying for their hair and makeup to be done, in my opinion. Have you talked to your mom or dad and see what they think about it? You even said frienemies so I'm sure your sister will expecting you'll be more the friends part on your wedding day if you're both mature enough to get along. Your bridal party wouldn't be expecting money from her if she's not in the bridal party anyway so I don't see the financial reason as being a good one, personally.

I would tell her that she can be a bridesmaid but there are costs that she would have to pay in order to participate and if she can't afford it, you would be happy to make her reader or some other role in your wedding.

I would make her aware of all of the costly things that were going to be expected of this part in your wedding. And maybe she will backout.

Well, first, She only needs to buy the dress...nothing else is mandatory. If you want her as a bridesmaid, ask her. If not, don't.

Skirting the issue by making her an "attendant" aka errand bitch won't help.

Thanks for the advice ladies. I appreciate it! For clarification, I don't expect my bridesmaids to purchase anything other than a dress, however, I know this woman and she will likely be pissed if I don't fork over the cash to pay for her dress and have her hair and make-up done. When I say clueless...I mean CLUELESS.

I'm not some sort of bridezilla that thinks my bridesmaids should throw me a David Tuterra style bridal shower, I just want her to be clear on MY financial responsibilities to her.

Also, am just sort of miffed that I've been put in a position where I have to have someone standing with me on my wedding day who I don't have a genuine friendship with, or else I'm the jerk that's creating drama. Poo on people who make it about them.

Take it from someone who's been there- Make up your mind and clearly explain your decision!

I'd offer her a chance to be a reader or something similar and be done with it. Stand firm with your decision. It sounds like you have your bridal party already chosen, and if there's argument then you can point that out.

If something comes up and the matter is pushed further, find a "What the bridesmaid pays for" list and show it to her.