Uninvite guests who haven't Rsvp'd because our budget is tight??

Ehhh, that would be kinda tacky. To say, hey you’re invited and then now say they’re uninvited. And December 1 of 2021? That’s a pretty early deadline for a wedding that’s in 60 days. Typically you give your guest 14-30 days before the date to RSVP. Is there a way you can reach out to them directly and give them another firm deadline? And at that point you can include a disclaimer saying something along the lines ‘please be advised, any late RSVP will not be accounted for’ or something to inform them that if they don’t RSVP they won’t be able to attend. But, also if you already had a set deadline, there’s no need to uninvite, if they didn’t RSVP they simply cannot attend. Hope it all works out!

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for the response. I see what you're saying. I sent out save the dates 9 months ahead and didn't plan on sending formal paper invitations.

The reason we are considering downsizing is our budget. These 30 people will make a big difference in cost. The difference of us having this wedding on schedule or having to postpone.

View Quoted Comment Okay, gotcha. 9 months before and no invitations is probably the problem. But if they didn’t RSVP by the deadline technically you do not have include them in the numbers. 60 days out might be too late to postpone.

Maybe some people received saved the dates and assumed they didn’t have to RSVP because you usually only rsvp to an invitation? I’m not sure

View Quoted Comment Agree with Imani. And the fact that 70% have RSVPed by dec. 2021 is a high amount since it's hard to know 6 months away whether you'll be available.

View Quoted Comment

Hi Lucy, I forgot to mention we sent a digital save the date and sent them to our wedding website to RSVP so I believe that's why we got a high response rate. I went the less traditional route so maybe that confused some people.

It would absolutely be tacky. Even with RSVP date 30 days out, you should always send a text/email to those who didn't rsvp and give them 2-3 days to rsvp before saying you can't accommodate them.

It's actually your job to follow up with people that didn't respond to the RSVP deadline. It's likely because it's really really really early. RSVP's are usually due about 2 weeks before the wedding in order to give final count to the caterer. Invitations are usually sent out 6-8 weeks ahead.

You absolutely can't uninvite people though, no.

Yikes! I can see why people would have been confused. Save the Dates are to let people know to mark their calendars for your wedding, but they are meant to be followed up by an actual invitation. Save the Dates do not typically require any type of response from guests. While so many guests rsvp by December, I imagine they are anticipating an actual invitation to the wedding with an rsvp due within a month of the wedding. You are going to need to check in with all guests to get an updated and more accurate count.

You should not uninvite anyone. Agree with Natalie. Since the RSVP process was not planned correctly, I would check with every guest. Very often, people say they are going to come and change their minds close to the date. You might have the smaller guest count you are seeking.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. You should have budgeted and planned for the number of guests you can afford. Once save the dates are sent, they must be followed by formal invitations sent at 6-8 weeks. People can not and should not rsvp to a save the date. You can’t uninvite anyone without canceling the entire wedding.

People do not generally RSVP to a save the date and amongst the reasons why there is a practice of only requesting an RSVP from the actual invitation is that a lot can change between the time a save the date is sent out and the invitation itself. To that end, I can totally understand why people did not RSVP because they were expecting an actual invitation.

As a rule of thumb, you invite the amount of people you can comfortably afford to host and it would be in incredibly poor taste to 'uninvite' people who quite possibly intend to attend your wedding but got confused by the RSVP requested for the save the dates.

If I were you, I would either postpone until you can afford this wedding or elope.

Hello see if your fiancee can shoot them a text or emails and let them know that there deadline is fast approaching because can try and give them 1 more month. Or anyone who has contacted you by then that's where you can close it. I hope that helps

I understand your frustration. What I’ve discovered is that as soon as you do that the RSVPs come in. I am 25 days away and RSVPs are still coming in. You committed to inviting them so just plan as if they are going to attend. Now of course you can send a courtesy reminder. But to univite them would be less than classy.

Sorry, but as the other PPs are saying, it would be bad etiquette to uninvite people. Best practice is to determine the maximum number of people you can afford at the very beginning of planning, and don’t invite over that max hoping for declines.
And yes a formal invite should always be sent after a save-the-date, as the STD is only for the purpose of letting people know to block off their calendars.
Those 30 non-responses need to be contacted via phone call, text, email, etc. to find out their response. Unfortunately you can’t just cut them at this point - especially with the wedding still being 60 days out. It would cause major drama and may even end friendships.I wish you luck in finding how to cover that guest number, but if certain things are not yet booked or finalized, I’d recommend seeing how you can scale back on things - whether it be flowers, a different food menu, more cost-effective drink package or method of providing, etc.

That’s a big no 😬

Well, 60 days out is the time to send out formal invitations and get more confirmed RSVPs. I would considers your prior RSVPs null as your guests may have had personal, professional, and financial changes in the past 5 months and decline afterall. If you don't send out real invites (as expected), your guests may think you are having a casual affair and just casually show up or no-show. The vagueness is giving you understandable stress. I say send them out.

However, if you and your Future Spouse have had personal, professional, and financial changes yourselves since your Save the Dates that cannot be adjusted by say making it a dry wedding or canceling a DJ/ Videographer/ florist, then cancel the event. Many couples postpone or even cancel. No justification is needed, you just send a cancel card in the mail to all guests. Then plan the wedding you can afford while budgeting for 100% acceptance rate so there are no surprises. Good luck.

I think the uninviting piece has been addressed, so I won't beat the dead horse here.

Since you did your save-the-dates online, I'd suggest sending an online invitation with an RSVP deadline a month away from the wedding. Other people's circumstances may have changed, so giving them a heads up with a cutoff date could get you both the answer to the other 30 guests as well as updated responses from everyone else. If you still don't have answers from some people, that would be when you'd call to confirm. If they don't respond then give them a heads up that you need a final headcount and not responding will be considered them RSVP-ing no.

Like others have mentioned, see if there is something you can scale back on so you're able to afford the wedding in the meantime. I hope everything works out!

Uninviting guests is rude. But, speaking about this challenge more broadly: If you can't scale back the wedding to the point where you can afford it, just cancel.

Losing some deposits is better than going into debt for something you'll never see a return on, like a wedding. Get married at the courthouse, take this as a lesson about budgeting, come up with a plan to create a sufficient cushion fund for the future, and move forward. Your future self will thank you!

Nope. Let them know that the time to RSVP has passed and the guest list is now closed.