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Stacey
Super October 2018

Unexpectedly small wedding :-(

Stacey, on September 11, 2018 at 9:35 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 27

When we started planning we had a guest list of 100 ppl. We booked a historic hotel with a beautiful ballroom and things started to change. We lost some friends when a chronic illness took over my life, my dad decided he wouldn't be coming and it didn't make sense to invite his family (we aren't close at all) if he wouldn't be there, and 1/2 of FH's family isn't coming. We've had other surprise declines as well, but those were the worst. We figured we would get around 80 guests and now we will be lucky if we hit 60. I just don't want to feel like a moron in this beautiful dress in this big ballroom with a tiny amount of people. What kills me is we almost moved it to a smaller venue before to avoid this drama, and didn't because we didn't want to offend FH's family...and now they aren't coming anyway. I just want to cry, I feel like we are going to look stupid and I feel like no one cares about us. I've put so much work into this and tortured myself over every detail and it's for nothing.

27 Comments

Latest activity by Chrystal, on September 12, 2018 at 10:41 PM
  • earias
    Champion December 2017
    earias ·
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    I understand how you feel. But as someone who only had 40 guests and still went balls to the walls with everything, I can tell you that it was absolutely worth it and that I would not do anything differently. Those guests who do come will enjoy all the extra attention you're able to give them, and you will enjoy being able to actually eat and relax with your spouse without having to visit with 100 people. If anything, this is the one day you can be a little "extra" with that beautiful dress in that big ballroom and live it up!

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  • Cieloregina
    Dedicated July 2019
    Cieloregina ·
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    Does the venue have a smaller room? Maybe you can talk to your event coordinator (or whoever took your initial deposit)....the venue where we are having ours has a big room for large weddings, and a smaller for intimate weddings with a 50 minimum. We are having a small wedding. I feel for you, I hope you come to a resolution.
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  • Courtney
    Super December 2018
    Courtney ·
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    I'm sorry that things aren't working out the way you'd hoped.

    What can we think of to take up some extra space? Are you having a photo booth? Setting it out 2-3 feet from a wall can take up some extra space.

    How about a table for favors? A dessert set up?
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  • ISaidHallYes
    VIP November 2018
    ISaidHallYes ·
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    I would try to forget about those who won't be there and remember how special your day will be. You will have more time to hang out with guests!! Plus you do not have to pay for as many people which is an added bonus. Having 60 people is still a good wedding size!

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  • A
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Amanda ·
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    I just had a bunch of declines come in the mail today. I’m at 78 guests and that includes vendors. I wanted to keep it under 100 but my venue requires 75 guests. I’m not stressing but the declines are still disappointing. Some people were out of state and couldn’t travel but some didn’t give a reason. I’m confident that you’ll still have a wonderful wedding with the people that mean the most to you! That’s what I’m hoping for myself as well.
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  • E
    Just Said Yes December 2018
    Erin ·
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    I can understand feeling that way. But don't. I am only having a 40 person wedding and am excited just to marry my best friend. Having the venue you love and going above and beyond will be so worth it in the end, even if it is just 60 people. It will be beautiful.
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  • Kayla
    September 2020
    Kayla ·
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    The only people that matter are you and your love! Have a great time and dance the night away!!
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  • Meesh
    Expert October 2018
    Meesh ·
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    I understand. My bridal shower was fun, but I was bitterly disappointed at how many people did not show up... and only 2 actually said they were sorry they couldn't make it and gave a reason.

    As for the wedding, so far I am thrilled with the number of people who said yes but still saddened by those I have not heard from, and I am not sure if they are coming or not and it's killing me. Our venue has a 100 max person limit though, so as long as the bulk of them show up, I will be happy. Just enjoy your day and rellish in the moment with your new hubby! I guarantee you won't think about how many people are not there when the day arrives! Smiley heart

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  • A
    Savvy September 2018
    Ashlyn ·
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    I feel the same way!! Our original guest list was 120 and none of my family’s coming at all and ally of FH’s out of town family aren’t coming either so we’re lookkng at 50 if we’re lucky and we have this HUGE venue and big dress and I feel so discouraged and down about the whole day.
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  • T
    Beginner October 2019
    Treasure ·
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    Don’t feel down hun . At the end of the day what is the point of the wedding ? To marry someone that is your best friend don’t lose site of that . It doesn’t matter if it is 200 guests or just 2. All that matters is that you two will be saying I Do to the one you love. Me and my fiancé are only having 42 guests just because we want something small and we could care less if anyone came because we know that day is for us
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  • J
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Julie ·
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    Just remember the day is all about the love of you and you fiancé!!! I know it’s hard not to worry about details as people, but don’t! The people that do come are there to support you and him on your big day and to feel the love on the room. For the people who dont come are missing out! Don’t sweat the small stuff! Just look foeard to ur future
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  • Cheryl&rock
    VIP June 2019
    Cheryl&rock ·
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    I'm picturing a beautiful ballroom, with a lovely bride and groom on the dance floor! People are gathered around giving the couple all the room in the world to be in the spotlight on their wedding day!! I see it as a magical moment!
    Enjoy the moment, be center stage with your husband! You are the Stars!!!
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  • Saba
    Dedicated November 2018
    Saba ·
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    I'm sorry. Maybe you can invite some more special people, perhaps a few old friends you'd like to share the day with? Or perhaps some new friends that you've clicked with? It's really up to you, and you'll have a wonderful day no matter what.

    I like the idea about adding more stuff to the room like a photo booth or dessert table. You could do the Smores Bar too?

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  • lilchameleon
    Expert April 2019
    lilchameleon ·
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    60 people is plenty to have a good time! More money for food and booze!

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  • M
    Dedicated October 2018
    Melissa ·
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    First Congratulations! Please DO NOT think your efforts are in vein!! This is your two wedding day! What counts the most is you feeling special and Yes you may feel disappointed but "walk it off"! Keep your beautiful hall, gorgeous dress, and keep a smile on your face! Put your heart at ease knowing you planned everything accommodating family! Things changed so wish them all well AND carry on with your special day!! Float around the dance floor like a real life fairy tale princess and with each step as he guides you across that ballroom floor feel yourself floating on a cloud, just you and him on your special day AFTER ALL you are marrying each other and in the end things will always come down to the two of you! Sometimes alone and sometimes with family support! Many Blessings!!
    PS: We have a guest list of 110! Only 20 replied! The rest assumed they did not have to RSVP! I spent all last week calling our guest! We are 23 days away! Final Head count went in today 67 will be attending!! We upgraded our hall to the ballroom because WE wanted it and initially chose the smaller 1 level ballroom to accommodate 2 of his Aunts who declined the invite last week! GUESS WHAT: THEY CALLED TONIGHT TO ASK IF THEY CAN STILL COME. OF COURSE THEY CAN BUT WE LEFT THE ROOM ALONE.. HOPE YOU GET MY POINT!! Your day Your way!!
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  • E
    Devoted August 2018
    Emily ·
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    I'm so sorry things aren't turning out how you had hoped. As someone who just had a very small wedding of only 17 people, I will tell you that it was the best day of my life. I got to spend actual quality time celebrating with all of them instead of a few minutes here and there with everyone. You are marrying the love of your life, and the people who truly support you will be there. Your wedding day will still be perfect, even if some of the details don't turn out exactly as expected.

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  • Lady.ghoulica
    VIP October 2027
    Lady.ghoulica ·
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    We were in the same boat.

    Long story short, my FH's family are no-goods and conspired to have no one from his side attend our wedding. We also had many falling out with friendships, and starting from 100 guests, invited 80, 47 RSVP'd.

    Take the high road and enjoy your special day no matter what. It will be special, regardless. I've heard from many others how they wished they had smaller weddings, and from people who had smaller weddings how wonderful and intimate they were.

    When I talked to my caterer, they were more than sympathetic. I simply asked her for advice and they, on their behalf, took off the dance floor rental ($500!) and offered to provide us complimentary champagne flutes (typically, they're an added rental item). I was blown away by their generosity. They're also providing to-go containers for guests to take extra food home.

    Don't be afraid to talk to your vendors and see if you can work out a deal.

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  • Angela
    Dedicated September 2018
    Angela ·
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    First off, I'm so sorry to hear all of this. Second off, I just had my wedding and there were 26 people including myself and my husband and it was perfect. The people there are people we will have in our lives forever and people we will always cherish and love. Throughout the planning process I was stressed, worried, and on some nights sleepless. What helped to ground me was knowing that at the end of the day as long as we were married, that's all the mattered... not the color of the napkins, the guests' attire, nor the people who didn't make it.

    Your day will be beautiful and you will feel invincible. Focus on the ones attending and make that as special as possible. People will always be judging, but I found that with a smaller wedding, there is less drama and the people there genuinely want to be there and are there to celebrate your union, not just for the free goodies.

    Breathe, relax, and enjoy. You will be married, point blank, and that is what matters.

    Edit: we had the ceremony in the giant field with only 24 chairs (haha), I was also worried about the weird proportions, and it was beautiful. Your ballroom will be the same, don't stress Smiley smile

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  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    Oh no don't let this get you down!

    Small weddings can still be tons of fun! Also, is it possible to see if there is a smaller space in the venue you can switch to?

    If not then it doesn't matter they can still set up the room in a way that won't make it look to big and once you guys are on the dance floor it wont matter!

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  • FutureMrs.Jacobs
    Super October 2018
    FutureMrs.Jacobs ·
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    It is your big day go all out. When you look back on the day you will think of all the great people that showed up not the people that did not come. Please don't downplay your day because of other people.

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