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Just Said Yes June 2022

Unexpected Problem Financially - trigger warning

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Stephanie, on December 12, 2019 at 7:13 PM

My parents just dropped a bomb on me. My parents are very well off due to the fact they are both well known doctors. They insisted that they pay for our wedding. I just was told two days ago that they will not pay for the wedding unless I invite my oldest brother. Some backstory for the reason why I don’t want to invite him, is because he abused me frequently when I was a kid. He both physically abused me, and had sexually abused as well. My parents don’t believe the sexual abuse happened but they had seen the physical abuse multiple times. I’m terrified of him, he’s able to get away with anything is because he is a extremely smart psychopath who knows how to manipulate people. I already had everything planned out we just needed to call venues to book the date. But now we will probably have to elope with just us and my fiancé’s parents. I don’t want to ask any other family members for money, and I feel strange making a GoFundMe. I just feel crushed by my parents blackmail for their own selfish gain. Does anyone know what they would do in this situation? Or have any money saving suggestions?

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21 Comments

WeddingWire Administrator May 2015
Jo · on December 13, 2019 at 8:29 AM
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Hearing this has made me feel so sad and mad. Most importantly before all else, are you ok? If this is bringing up old feelings and memories (how could it not?!) I hope you have support around you. Talk to your trusted loved ones, a therapist, or an online support resource like RAINN or Safe Horizon. Your wellness is most important here.
Now, as for the wedding, you asked what we would do in this situation and I would not take that money. What's great here is you have a lot of time to plan already, and you can hold off on setting a firm date until you find a plan that fits your budget and your dream. There are plenty of ways to save money and have a small elopement that doesn't involve a courthouse, though I've seen on WW and attended personally some truly gorgeous courthouse weddings.
I would love to share some planning tips for intimate weddings, and some Real Weddings from our gallery, that can give you some inspo once you're ready to start planning, but first I hope you know it's more than ok to put your wellbeing first and say no to this money in favor of protecting yourself.
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