Unexpected Problem Financially - trigger warning

I would pay for the wedding myself. You shouldn't ask other people as that is rude. My suggestion is to figure out how much you could afford then go from there. In order to save, I put money aside every pay check.

View Quoted Comment We are broke. We finish paying rent by donating plasma. Like that broke.

Omg! That is horrible that they would try and hold your wedding over your head to force you to invite your abuser to your wedding. They’re in denial about your brother which is sad considering they’re both in the medical field. When we’re you planning on getting married? Depends on how much you and your FH can have save up to have a small intimate wedding.

It seems your personal safety and peace of mind are excellent reasons to have the wedding you and FH can afford. A happy elopement seems like an excellent choice. I can't know your family dynamic, but the idea that your parents would attempt to force you to include a person who abused you makes them sound extremely toxic. I have a dear friend who found out her then teenage son abused her daughter when she was 5-6 years old. It nearly killed my friend, but making sure her daughter feels safe, believed, and protected has been her number one priority since the whole thing came to light about 6-8 years ago. You deserve much better than what your parents are offering. Good luck to you.

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Then my suggestion would be to go to the court house and get married. If you can't afford a wedding without your parents help then it doesn't sound like you have many options. I am so very sorry that your parents are doing this to you. Unfortunately, money often comes with strings and this is obviously the strings that your parents have attached. Personally, I wouldn't be getting married until I was financially secure.

View Quoted Comment Luckily October 23, 2021. But I just got out of cosmetology school so my career hasn’t taken off yet and my fiancé is in school to be a psychologist. So there’s not much wiggle room. I just don’t want to be married in a courthouse that’s my only requirement

I am sorry that you went through that and that they did that to you. You have two options : elope you two (save a bit and elope to a place where you can have a honeymoon.) or save and push your date back and have a small wedding. Honestly i wouldn't invite your parents if that's how they are being. Let them know that you don't want their money and you will have a wedding without their help.

View Quoted Comment You have time to save up for a small gathering! If you live by a beach/park/garden all you need is a officiant. Then you can have a small lunch/dinner after.

With nearly two years until your planned date, it sounds like you have time to get established in your career while your fiance continues his education. Whether you marry in a courthouse or in whatever other circumstance you can afford, that seems FAR better than allowing your parents to continue to subject you to further psychological abuse. Good luck to you and your FH.

I would just elope too to be honest. That's insane that they would do that to you. Whether or not they believe you for the sexual abuse, the fact they seen him physically abuse should be enough reason to not want to invite him.

Maybe later down the line you can do a renewal with the wedding you always wanted. Just save as much as you can along the way, even if it won't be for another 5 or 10 years. It'll be easier so you're not in the same predicament as you are now. I hope everything works out for you hun.

Call their bluff.
Start making plans to elope.
Don't let them know the nitty gritty details.Just enough so they know it's the plan.They may freak and pony up.Or you elope.In the end, your marriage and mental health is the most important.If eloping is the best for you, go for it.

View Quoted Comment You don't have to get married in the courthouse but here's the reality of thing you may not be able to have the wedding of your dreams which is okay. Not all Brides can have what they want due to the cost. The most important thing is you marrying the man of your dreams right? I really think you should look into a destination elopement that can also be a honeymoon. You could probably save up for that and then have some fun with him and then if down the line you really want to have the wedding of your dreams you can always have a vow renewal the way you want and that's something many brides do. I agree with one of the previous posters and that I would call their Bluff and just say I don't want to my brother there and if you don't want to pay for my wedding that's fine then my fiance and I will just elope I'll leave it at that. If you want to you can even elope and invite his parents. Really looking to destination elopement it's really not what we think they are and often people invite a small amount of people to their elopement.

Don't take their money! Blackmail cause they want you to invite someone who you don't feel comfortable having around? Do it all yourself, have a small intimate wedding and only invite the people who matter in your life. And at the end of the day you'll know this was your wedding that you and your FH planned without anyones help.

I'm so sorry that your parents are not supporting you against your abuser. That is terrible and inexcusable.

Where you stand now, though, is no different from anyone else with a small income and no money for a wedding: You can either get married at the courthouse (there is certainly no shame in a courthouse wedding but it sounds like you are strongly against this), or you can can wait and save up to host the wedding that you really want.

With your personal finances currently as tight as you say, you will need to wait until your income increases (congrats on finishing school!) before you can start putting money aside, since you are struggling to pay for the bare necessities right now. The good news is that you should be able to save enough for a modest wedding in a year of careful saving. And you have more than a year before your planned date. I wouldn't get too hung up on that date though. You can always push the date further out to save more money. Good luck!

I would tell them OFF. That is AWFUL. I am SP sorry that 1 you had to go through that and 2 you are out in this terrible situation. That is not okay . I would tell them THANKS BUT NO THANKS. You don’t need Their money. you have LOVE. That’s THAT is what it is about. If they can’t respect your SAFETY* then I would tell them that they aren’t welcomed in your lives anymore and that is that. Plan a wedding you guys CAN afford on your own and it will be the best bc it’s you both marrying eachother and everyone there will be to support and celebrate your new journey together!

You dont have to get married in a court house if you know someone that can officiate it somewhere else. You can legally get married and plan a reception at a later date.

First things first. This is totally unfair to you. My recommendation would be to pay for it yourself. Why should you have to be scared at your wedding? It’s supposed to be your happy day. I’m so sorry you ha e to go through this! Best of luck with with situation. The good news is you are marrying the man of your dreams! 😇

That is terrible. Best suggestion is to make it intinate. Rent out a nice space in a restaurant and ask your friends and family to pay for their meal. All you need is to pay for the officiant and entertainment. Dj should be less than a grand. Also look for second handed gowns. Tons in fb marketplaces

I would recommend that you have a very small ceremony followed by a cake and punch reception at a friend's house or a public space. Your marriage will be beautiful enough to light up a modest wedding.


My mother's parents did a similar thing to her, so she had no reception. People may have different thoughts on this, but she was happy she didn't delay her wedding or cave to her parents. She has had a long and happy marriage to my father--and they have had so many anniversary and holiday and birthday celebrations as a couple that they don't really think about not having had a reception. They wanted to start their lives together quickly, so they did.
That said, some people prefer saving for a bigger wedding. I would say make a budget that accounts for how long you want to wait. Then you can figure out the maximum you can save each month without breaking the bank.

I really hate your going through that. And it’s sad that they think you would lie about something like that. But it’s about you an your fiancé so if you feel like you want to elope by all means hun do just that. Long as your happy that’s what matters. It’s not about your parents it about you. Just think about it before you make a decision. It’s ok to forgive an love him from a distance. If you don’t want him to be apart of your day then you have that right. Wish you the best❤️