Ultimatum proposal/acceptance

My FH and I have talked about getting married for several years and have been together 10 years. In January I told him point blank "Remember how I told you I was gonna make you marry me one day? Well, I have hired a florist, Natalie is going to be my MOH and I have already reserved Columbia Lakes for the wedding and the only thing I need from you is to show up not naked on NYE". That weekend he bought me a new engagement ring and wedding band that matches his. He's been wearing a wedding band we picked out for him for like 5 years now.

But we aren't a regular couple, we travel so much with his job that we haven't been able to find time to get married or we would have years ago. Plus we both wanted the big wedding of our dreams and we have to pay for all of it.

I did the ultimatum once (not to FH). I was in my twenties, had been with the guy for 3 years, moved 2000 miles with him away from my family and friends and he had been talking about proposing for about 10 months. Actually had taken me ring shopping after 1 year and 2 years later I still didn't have my ring. I told him if he isn't ready to marry me by X date, I can't wait anymore. He didn't propose. He moved out. I was heartbroken but at the same time it was the push I needed to get out of that relationship. He was just keeping me until something better came along.

Do I wish I had just left without the ultimatum- yeah probably. But in the end the result was the same. A-hat that didn't really love me was out of my life and I could move on. So it might have been the best thing I could have done. At least I didn't have to worry about wondering what if I had just been a little more patient and he was just on the brink of asking me. Nope. He showed me he wanted out.

The life lesson is that if you get to a point where you think you need to give an ultimatum, then just leave and skip the ultimatum. Wasted a month waiting to find out if he would propose when I could have just been gone.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to have the conversation and ask, what are we waiting for. FH and I knew we were headed in that direction after a certain point and we were mostly waiting for my brother to get married so as not to steal any of their thunder.

We did go ring shopping together, though. Not because he didn't know what I wanted, but rather because he wanted to get me something antique. I'm glad we did look together because I ended up getting a diamond that was less than a caret. I think a lot of guys assume that the ring has to be at least a certain size, but for me, anything that big looked ridiculous on my hand. He still surprised me with the proposal though. I knew it was coming, but I definitely didn't expect it when it did.

The ring thing is ridiculous, I knew a friend who broke off her engagement because the diamond or whatever was too small and she wanted to force him to go and buy her another one.

I'm so glad FH and I did not have that issue and will not have it either 'cause none of us wear jewelery, we chose to live a simple life, not getting attach to certain things. I am glad we don't care about rings and diamonds and what not.

I didnt give my FH an ultimatium....in my book I think its wrong and a recipe for diaster. I did however by 5 years want to know what he wanted to do with this relationship...I said all I want to know is if you plan on taking this further and eventually lead to marriage... I dont know if that sounds ulmat-ish...but I dont really think so. Just so happens that a little past our 5 year anni..he proposes! "he threw me because he sad it would be a long time on our 5 year (which is in april..he proposed in june) and he had the ring since december!

I've known a girl who habitually breaks over relationships between the 2 and 3 year marks, because (seriously!) The Rules say he should be proposing by year 2.

I've also known 1 guy who proposed to his girlfriend because she was trying to break up with him. She said no- but sheesh! What type of life can you expect with that person, if you always know your marriage was borne out of what would have been your break-up?

I picked out my own ring. FH wanted to get me something that wasn't generic (fine with me) but I have very particular taste. I basically spent tons of time picking out things I liked and sending him various links to things. One day I was looking at sapphire rings for fun and found my ring! It is absolutely gorgeous, and when I showed it to FH he bought it on the spot. It's an almost 1 carat sapphire, with 2 sets of leaves on each side, one small diamond set in each leaf. It looks a little vintage, a little bridal, a little unique, just the right amount of sparkle, and basically looks like something I would design myself.

Had he gone shopping himself, however, we probably would have had a disaster on our hands. Not because it wouldn't be big enough, but because it would be the wrong style (or realistically, too big, because I can't have anything sticking too far out from my hand for work. It would just get in the way.)

Ditto the ladies who said their FI would have picked a ring that was ridiculously huge lol. I have a 1/3 carat solitaire and personally I think it's almost a little too big. I probably would have gone with a 1/4 carat if he hadn't insisted on the larger one. If he had gone on his own I would probably have a carat or more on my finger and on my tiny hands something that big would have just been gaudy.

We had conversations about where we wanted to be in life before marriage and what a "deal breaker" might be that would end our relationship. The "deal breaker" conversation sounds more harsh than it was -- before we talked seriously about our future we both agreed that if we did not get along with the other's family, or either was unfaithful, that was an indication our relationship wasn't permanent.

As for the ring, I told him I wanted something different and sent him an example. He sent me back about 30 asking about every little intricate detail and minute differences -- turns out he was designing it himself based off of what parts of all the others I liked. Obviously I could not have mandated that.

I picked out my own engagement ring and my love is not materialistic.. I like what i like, and my FH wants me to be happy, with a ring im wearing forever. Not because it didnt have enough bling tho. Im just very picky about what kind of jewlery i wear, because i rarely wear jewlery anyway. But he thought i like really flashy things and i dt

So, if im a princess cut kinda woman and he got me a round of course he will go back and get me the one i preferred. FH is never good at picking jewlery anyway lol. And IMO i dont see anything wrong with that.