Two Ceremonies? Private Catholic ceremony and another "blessing" ceremony with guests.

The first thing I would do is meet with a priest and go over all the requirements for getting married in a Catholic church. That may affect your decision.

Have you thought about talking to a priest about this? Getting married in a Catholic church involves so much more than getting married . There are classes you'll have to take, permissions to get, etc.

Oh, yes we had our first meeting with the Priest of my mother's choice last night to begin our marriage program/counseling. Which is why I feel so perplexed now.

Would it be possible to have the Catholic church bless the marriage after the wedding?

How does your fiance feel about all of this?

More information:

We were thinking of either doing the "real" or catholic recognized wedding either a few weeks before or the day of. But at this point- it's too late to invite all our guests to a church wedding, because invitations all say ceremony and reception to follow at the venue.

Actually, I don't think we can because that would be a convalidation. We are not supposed to say our vows "I do" and all before the catholic way or else we would have had to get a dispensation approval by the bishop. And that is only for specific reasons. Not because we wanted an outdoor ceremony.

My fiance was on the fence as well because it was not what we envisioned, but is willing to do the Catholic ceremony for me.

So maybe a question - why you need the blessing if you are getting married in the church? I would say one or the other, but both seems like too much. We are getting married at the church and going to the reception site to take pictures where they normally do the ceremonies (its beautiful). Our priest will be going with us as well. I would say if its just a photo-op for the vision, just plan the photos into your day, but not a second ceremony/blessing (aka stage it). If you really do want to have the blessing do it and don't worry about not inviting everyone. Surely your family your mom) will be there and that's whats really important.

I guess my concern is what happened if you go the Catholic ceremony route and something happens and you can't get a date before your vow renewal ceremony? Did the priest confirm your original wedding date is available for him/the church? If you do decide to get married in the church and have a vow renewal after, how are you going to inform your guests that you're already married and that they're attending a vow renewal?

I'm assuming your invitations haven't gone out yet. You have a little time, you should reorder the invitations with the correct information, whether that be the vow renewal or the church ceremony.

It is a bit much right? That's our dilemma.

We have booked for ceremony and reception and all our invites to guests is for a ceremony and reception to follow. But due to the catholic restrictions of what can be done at the venue site as the "ceremony" we have to do a "blessing" only.

I understand that - I had to explain to a 4 year old she can't throw flowers as the flower girl. LOL! Do them both then and just invite immediate family and the bridal party to the Catholic Ceremony whenever you can before the blessing - what are people going to say, "What? They already got married? I am going home. I would have never come if I knew that." LOL. Sending out an update now (assuming you have already sent out the invitations), might confuse people.

Are you saying its ok to lie to your guests? I thought Catholics considered lying to be a sin.

Invitations shouldn't have gone out already for a June 2018 wedding so OP should have plenty of time to update the invitations so she is not lying to her guests.

Thank you all, yes I have not sent the invitations out yet, and I suppose I could change the wording around and do both.

I mean it would be the same if we did a civil ceremony in court with only immediate family. But instead we are also doing a "Blessing" ceremony to has all the bells and whistles for the guests and family who come for the reception as well. (since we already paid for that area at the venue)

Hi! So I am in the same boat!

I was raised Catholic by a very devout mother, too. My fiance is Christian (also the type who are very turned off by Catholics). We both still go to church every Sunday (I actually go to a catholic mass with my mom to keep her happy and they straight to my fiance's church for their service every Sunday). Since neither of us wanted to get married at each other's churches, we decided on an outdoor ceremony and reception to keep things neutral. His family would be very upset if it was in my church and my mother will be upset if its not in my church. Lose, lose situation really.

Like you said, having the ceremony outside isn't a "real" Catholic wedding. My mother is really disappointed in the fact that the Catholic faith won't recognize my marriage. Her only request is to have a priest there and we are having my fiance's pastor do it. I feel bad because I want to respect her wishes and the fact that she is helping to pay for my wedding.

The way I see it is though, I am not getting married to be approved by any church or anyone on earth, but to be approved by God. He will be with us at our ceremony whether it's in a church or barn and that's all the matters. We will be married in the eyes of God even though we might not be "married" in the eyes of the Catholic church.

You say you don't really attend church much so I am assuming you aren't super religious and don't stick to all the rules. If so, then you aren't really giving up your Catholic upbringing by not getting married in a church... you already gave it up when you stopped going after Christmas 2016. Please know that I'm not judging you whatsoever (I will be giving up my Catholic upbringing once I get married and it's really hard to let go), but it just seems like you would only be getting married in a church for your mom's sake, not for your own beliefs. If you truly believe that you won't be married unless you are married in a church, then by all means go to a church.

My advice would be to stick with the venue you already have. If you or your mom are really distraught about not being in a church, just have a private ceremony on another date (you don't have to invite anyone if you don't want). You could also talk to your priest. He might be willing to be the co-officiant with your pastor. My old priest would have loved to do our wedding outside because he was very open minded. Unfortunately he left last year and our new priest is a stickler for the rules and has already given me a lecture about our wedding.

In the end, you mother will get over it if you decide to not get married in a church. She loves you no matter what! (My brother eloped in Vegas and my mother has gotten over that! haha) Good luck though! I know how hard this decision is!

Oh I apologize for the misunderstanding, I did not mean that in a demeaning way. It's just some Christians have a hard time understanding that we are the same religion but have different structures. But yes, it would be uncomfortable for them.

With regards to our wedding, I am baptized Catholic (not the best example but still catholic) We aren't throwing out Christianity, it's just that Catholics have a set law regarding marriage. If I don't do the Catholic ceremony, our marriage will not be recognized by the catholic church as a marriage. If I do do the Catholic ceremony, Christians do not have any laws that states my fiance is not actually married.

It's all very technical and confusing... hence why I am asking for advice.

Omgosh, thank you so much!!!!! I feel so relieved that there are others who had the same dilemma but opted out. And it turns out okay!

You are right, I did feel a bit off when I started thinking of the bottom-line reasons why we are sitting with the Priest and going over everything. Also a bit guilty, since I have lapsed in my faith for some time. I love your perspective of your decision and ultimately I think that would be the most fair and right decision for us.

Now............. to break it to my mother. I have three other sisters... I'm sure ONE of them will get married the Catholic way with a nice Catholic boy to make things simpler : P

Thank you!!

Also, just thought about it. Getting married catholic here - one of the stipulations to get married in the Catholic church is that you will raise your children Catholic. You might want to consider this if you are only getting married in the catholic church to make your mother happy. If you have no intentions of raising your children Catholic, you might want to have that discussion with your mom as an out.

Yes you're right.. That in itself is another obstacle we face or will face. Apparently, his parents already voiced to my fiance that they would be extremely upset with us if we baptized our kids Catholic. (maybe something my fiance should not have repeated) But I would like to go back to my roots and beliefs and always wanted to raise my kids Catholic, but now things are complicated.

OP are you confirmed in the Catholic religion or just baptized? If you are only baptized, you would not be able to get married the Catholic church until you get confirmed. If you have no intention on doing that or raising your children in the Catholic faith, you need to tell your mother that it's not what you and your FI wants.

Trust me, this has been a hot topic with my FI and I. I consider myself non religious even though I was baptized a Catholic. FI is fully Catholic. We are trying to figure out if we do in fact want to be married in the church. He's not sure any more if it's what he wants.

Decide if it is truly something you want to do and go from there. Don't just get married in the Catholic church because your mother wants it.

I am confirmed and all. But you're right, I think I am in your FI's shoes.. going back and forth.

I mean I feel like it started because of my mother, but then part of me is reminded of what I have prioritized away from these days and should get back to my faith, and another part of me feels guilty. And the last part of me just wants to give it up out of convenience and what we envisioned our wedding to be like. I just don't know anymore.

I think you, your FI and both sets of parents need to sit down and have a face to face talk, if possible. Put everything on the table. In the end, it is you and your FI getting married. If it's that important to you both to get married in the church, then that's what you do. If not, you go with your original plan.

I compromised on the church wedding because I knew it was very important to my FI. When he told me last night that he wasn't sure if he wanted to any more, it shocked me. But he's one of those Catholics that believes you don't have to go to church all the time to be religious. Luckily, we are hopefully, finally, discussing wedding planning this Thursday so that we can start looking into everything.

Go with what you both feel is right for you, not for your parents.