Twin sister won’t stand up in wedding

That’s a hard no for me. Not only would she not be invited to my wedding, but she also wouldn’t be a part of my life.

Ugh, that's terrible. I am so sorry you're dealing with this. I feel like there is no one right answer here. Absolutely, I would think that anyone who is in attendance should be supportive of the marriage, so it's a bit weird that she wants to still come. I feel like you can see it in 1 of 2 ways. 1. She is still trying to be supportive in some way. 2. She told you that she isn't supportive and that's why she won't stand up there with her sister, and you don't want that energy at your wedding.

So what im hearing is she thinks she will look bad if shes in your wedding because its a same sex marriage and doesnt want to support it in the spotlight but wants to support Your wedding from a far, in a crowd with other guests.


Thats tough. I would be rolling my eyes at her left & right. Idk. How close is your fiance with her sister? If they are close im sure she would want her sister to at least attend but still heart breaking that she wasnt supprtive enough to be in the wedding party. Part of me also says she doesn’t deserve to be there. If she doesn’t want to support then she doesn’t need to be apart of it at all. Sorry no help.

That’s so tough because attending the wedding SHOULD ideally mean you’re there to support... but knowing how she feels it already sounds unsupportive. How is their relationship as is? How would not inviting her affect it?

Wow. That’s tough. My half sister is gay and got married last year and my father didn’t want to walk her because it’s against his religion but he still attended the wedding because she wanted him there. Me and my siblings showed up and participated with everything although some of them were religious too and we were genuinely happy for them. Saying all that to say it all depends on how your fiancé feels about inviting her and knowing that she won’t be standing up. It’s also up to how you feel.

That’s a tough one. The fact she still wants to attend show some support. She just might not be comfortable with a role (BM, MOH). To not invite her could end her relationship with her sister, and cause a lot of family problems. How does your fiancée feel? It’s her sister.

That's a hard no from me.

Not only is her "excuse" ridiculous, it's incredibly harmful to her *twin sister*. In addition, attending the wedding means you support the relationship, and you are wishing the couple well.

Honestly, if I were your FW, I'd be so hurt, I'd probably cut her out of my life - while explaining to her exactly why. Obviously, this could have a lot of repercussions, but I feel that hurting your twin that much is more of a problem than being the one to walk away.

In the end, it's your FW's call, but you do get to weigh in a little.

I'm so sorry, this is awful.

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s quite complicated. My inclination would be to not invite her. I’d talk it through and defer to your FW. I hope you have plenty of chosen family who will be there to support you.

I would still invite her. If she comes, great. If not, whatever. I will still let my door open for my family in that case. Sometimes people need time to accept reality. Good luck.


💕

View Quoted Comment Yeah I wouldn’t take a chance of her saying something crazy at the reception either. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

My advice would be to let her support you in a way that she feels comfortable doing. Her beliefs are hers alone as yours are. Your love is a beautiful thing and on that day, the only thing that will matter is the love you have for your wife. In the years to come though, her sister showed up despite her belief. It's an internal struggle to stay true to our beliefs but love is one of those beliefs. Let her show up in her own way and you marry the woman you love and don't waste a thought on why someone is there or how they are there. Congratulations on your engagement!!!
-chrys

I am a twin, and if my twin sister wouldn't support my marriage I would be livid. Talk to her and people who know you both and her and see if you think she will be a huge debbie downer on your day. If she is going to make guests and you feel uncomfortable don't invite her. It sucks but you want people who support you and want to see you happy, nothing should stand in the way of that on your wedding day. You can also try to have her facetime in or something if she wants to see it but not be a part of it.

Guests should support the couple, relationship and marriage. Maybe it’s best she’s not involved if those are her views. I’d have a tough time having her be part of the wedding at all when she has vocalised that she doesn’t support the marriage.

I’m sorry. That is very cruel of her . If she doesn’t support you then NO.

I am so sorry, that's truly horrible. Ultimately, I'd defer to your FW since it's the relationship with her twin. But I wouldn't feel good about having her at the wedding or in my life. I don't think any good can come from having that drama or negativity around you on your wedding day or any other day of your lives.

I would not invite anyone who does not support your marriage.

This is just so sad. I don't know why someone would want to attend a wedding they don't support. You'd think your fiancees twin sister would be more supportive. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

I'm a straight cis-woman marrying a straight cis-man, and would not welcome a person to our heteronormative wedding that I knew was against supporting love between two consenting adults, regardless of the form it takes. I want every single LGBTQIA+ and interracial guest, vendor, and service provider at our wedding to feel safe and supported. Weddings are about love, and if a guest doesn't support the union of the couple getting married (for whatever reason), I question why they would even go.

I agree with the PP that said your fiancee should have the biggest say, since it's her sister. Is everyone else in your families supportive? If I had kids and one of my kid's was doing this to their sibling, I'd have a very stern talking to them.

This is absurd. Not sure how going but not standing up makes any sense? Either she supports you or I wouldn’t invite her..

I would probably invite her just for the fact then ball is in her court, unless you think she's gonna cause waves during it then no, you don't need that toxic behavior. I kinda get her veiw( even though I dont share it at all) as if she is there she in her own way is rooting for you guys by showing, even if it is only to the reception. But standing would push her out of her comfort zone, and put her into a uncomfortable place with her religious beliefs, and if it caught she would have an uproar to deal with. My best friend since I was 8 couldn't do it either since she is Muslim and I'm Jewish and tongues would wag leading her to a tough spot, but part of being friends and family is understanding that they will do what they think they need(even if it's a lil silly) and you showing up with some icecream and good movie at the end cuase they did it for you and you both would do it again if called for.

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^^^I agree with Chrys, and it's very beautifully put!