Turning into a snob!

I've honestly become a regular biatch about weddings and hosting properly and everything. I do try not to be judgey (and I never ever say it to the couples' faces), but I have noticed that unfortunate trait in myself now. FH and I both go to weddings and then rehash what we do and don't like about them in the car later. I think it's normal, as long as you don't take it into hardcore rude territory and give a toast outlining everything wrong with their wedding, you can forgive yourself =)

Edit: I will also say I have a better appreciation for what goes into a wedding now. So if you host your guests right and don't do some sort of weird choreographed first dance, I'll be happy.

I think a lot of the things that are considered "tacky" on here are not THAT bad. But I see what you mean. I have been to a wedding where there was a gap, and it was like "uhhhh okay.... lets go to my house and drink" But I also now understand more of the amount of money people are having to pay to host me.

I feel like I have become selfish. I don't want to be, but everyone else is so if they can be I can too. Other wise I just get pushed around.

I think its okay to be a bit snobby as long as you are snobby in private. Its similar to anything really. Teachers are all okay until you become a teacher and then you find flaws in all other teachers. People have great makeup until you become a makeup artist and then nobody can do makeup better than you. You're new house is beautiful, but now I just got a new house and mine is way more beautiful. You look up to moms until you have your own kid, then no other mom is quite good enough. I think that's natural.

It just goes to show that all this etiquette stuff only actually matters to other brides. Guests will rarely notice or care. Apart from the very obvious stuff - like feeding them and things.

When 2014 started, my DH and I were the only couple we knew that were engaged. As of Valentine's Day this year, we were guests at 4 weddings and had our wedding. 2 of the weddings were DH's friends so I really didn't know much about the planning by the brides (except for offering assistance where I could) but I thought they both did a great job hosting their guests. The 2 weddings we attended that were my friends, I was very involved in the planning and so I knew what the brides were able to do with the time/budget they had. My only "real" criticism of any of the weddings was the one where the bride didn't send thank you cards (almost a year later. I know she knows the etiquette of thank you cards because she mentioned after her wedding that her step-mother kept mentioning that they need to be sent soon. I was hoping to "lead by example" with her by making sure we got all our cards out within 8 weeks of the wedding).

To me, I look to see if the wedding is a reflection of the couple of not. I know that of the 5 only 1 didn't reflect the couple (it was planned in 7 weeks and I did most of the planning but I worked to make sure that that wedding didn't reflect me. I had my own wedding to reflect DH and I. When I tell you I planned most of the wedding, I am telling you she even asked me to pick the readings for her ceremony!)

Honestly, I'm probably a snob. I would never say something outright, but I swear death by tacky might be a real thing.

I highly doubt if anyone has had a "fully etiquette-approved wedding." Even some of the most fanciest, most expensive, well hosted weddings I attended had one or two lapses. Once I made a big deal to FH when the bride didn't show up to my birthday party, the event was per person and she RSVP'd (so I paid her way). Well it was more than a month later, FH got drunk and told her FH that I was upset about she didn't show. Well the next day her MOH invited me to the bridal shower which was, your guested it... the next day. Via text. I know it all had something to do with what my FH said. But I wasn't even a named invitee (in essence just a plus one). Her wedding and shower were immaculate, she still broke a couple rules.

Yeah I am the same way,I never noticed most of this stuff because I never cared. Now I look back and see what was of with the weddings I have been to. I actually have found this to be helpful. As a guest what I saw did it bother me that I talked about it later, if so I am making sure my wedding is taken care of in that aspect. others I have found ways to improve my wedding. So I don't look at it as turning into a snob but as an educational enlightenment.

@Faran, I totally think that the nicest, most extravagant weddings can have etiquette breaches, and the smallest backyard weddings can be perfectly executed!

@Nicola, I think you're right about brides being the only ones who'd notice! Most of my friends keep telling me I'm being too generous and "need to be more selfish."

I also forgot to mention my cousin's wedding last summer where the bride was THREE HOURS late. I have no idea why we stayed. Oh wait, yes I do, because they gave us beer while we waited.

Agree with Nicola.

Then again, we've basically side eyed anything labelled as "wedding etiquette". Especially when half of it is things only other brides (and not even all brides) would notice.

Were they polite and hosted with proper manners? If so, I'm good.

Did they forget basic manners? My inner snob is definitely in full judgey mode.

I think some of the etiquette stuff is snobby actually. I was more concerned with having a great time than every tiny detail. I have never paid attention to centerpieces or if people have fancy straws or even personalized napkins. As long as everyone is fed, watered and has a seat its all good. According to this place I am a bad host for having a 3hr or so gap between ceremony and reception. Well I have amazing pictures from the city and the Arch. It is common in my family to have a gap and not a big deal. Oh and we were already married in January while my father was loosing his fight with cancer, so in essence the big one was fake and a pretty princess day. Everyone knew and understood and agreed why we did what we did.

@Susan, that's the thing! I never cared about stuff like this. None of the "etiquette breaches" I mentioned actually bothered me! We had a great time celebrating our friends, no matter how! We knew they did their weddings how they did for reasons that made sense to them, and who cares.

I think it's because I started wedding planning on The Knot, and I know I've mentioned this before (probably will again, what can I say, I'm bitter about some "helpful feedback" I got), but they are just not pleasant over there. Everything is so black and white, and if you do anything any way that doesn't fit their mold, you are wrong and the rudest, most selfish person in the world. So now I think I'm recovering from that, and realizing that there is a gray area! It's much better over here

I think it's funny that you never noticed nor cared because you didn't know any better. That just goes to show you that most guests, unless they have planned their own wedding RECENTLY, don't care about a lot of things that might be considered "tacky" or not exactly etiquette approved.

Etiquette is a living, breathing, changing organism that has, at its core, an interest in the comfort and well-being of others. If you stick with that -- making sure that others are comfortable around you and in the party you are providing, you'll do just fine. So much is common sense and the rest is written in little books.

Snobbery and intolerance are based in insecurity and fear.

Interesting. Some things like, like rsvping, I care about now. But in general I think I care way less now because I get people have to make sacrifices. But I do feel really bad about how late my house warming thank you cards were.

I haven't become a snob about etiquette things, but my eyes have surely been opened to things I never noticed before. Since I started lurking around here, I've learned so much about "etiquette" things that I'm sure nobody but the bride or other recent wedding planners know.

For example, my FMIL received an invitation that had the registry info on one of the insert cards. She didn't care and I didn't consider it rude or tacky either. But a lot of people on here think that's horribly tacky. IMO as long as guests are treated well, all the rest of etiquette rules are fluff.

I think a lot of the stuff ladies pick on here is really just snobby to be honest. I think there are really only a few things that are etiquette things regarding weddings and the rest are just more money sucking inventions by the wedding world (realized this when talking with my Mom on how much weddings have changed).

Like Kimberly said unless someone is going through it, a lot of the things people consider "tacky" on here no one GAF about

I'm sort of the opposite, the more I read about etiquette, the more I think "This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard, I'm not doing that." (for example, inner envelopes for invitations).

However... I feel like I have to compete with some brides. Well, ones in the family who are getting married within a year of me. I keep thinking "Oh, my wedding is gonna be WAY better than her crap-fest." I am totally bitchy. :/

I'm somewhat of a snob. An expensive high-end elegant wedding or a budget friendly backyard BBQ....I think it's all great. A wedding should be a reflection of you and the groom and what makes you happy and won't break you! The smallest, simplest wedding can be beautiful. But every wedding should be done with a little class.

I only have looked at the knot a few times and those beeches are downright catty over there. I went for simple but elegant in my decor and got it. I found good deals on almost everything and shopped around. Looks like we spent at least $5k more than we did. I am happy with how our wedding turned out and my vendors were amazing. Not the most expensive, but not cheapest , just in the middle. So people can only afford a cake and punch wedding, or even hamburger and hot dog backyard BBQ reception, that is fine if that is for them.