Troubling mother in law

Is she giving any reason not to come? What does your fiancé think? I'm sorry, that's really frustrating. I can understand how you feel. My parents did the same thing to us.

What does your fiancé say about it? Extend the invite but if she decides not to come then thats on her

View Quoted Comment He doesn’t want her there either.

View Quoted Comment She just can’t make it. And she is blackmailing my fiancé so we will lose our house. He wants his mom there but he doesn’t

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I would let the decision he his and then support him in that choice. I wouldn't really make this about you not wanting her there.

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Oh, gosh. Yeah, I agree with Maggie-- let your fiancé make the decision whether to invite/disinvite & go from there. If you guys do extend the invitation, then it's on her to RSVP with a concrete response on time.

View Quoted Comment This is like the 5th time she has pulled this crap.

View Quoted Comment This is the 5th time she has pulled this crap. I’m at the point to where I’m done. I still have to order flowers and food and I’m not wasting our money when she can’t decide.

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OK. But it's still up to your future spouse whether or not to extend the invitation to her. I get that it's frustrating, but try to think big picture here (your marriage) rather than small details (one extra meal for her that might get wasted).

View Quoted Comment What do you mean you’ll lose your house?


I don’t play games with people, regardless of who they are to me, so this wouldn’t fly with me but as others have said this really is your FH’s call.

View Quoted Comment She “says” she will make us lose our brand new house because she “says” she has blackmail on my fiancé.

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I don't even know what possible blackmail someone could have that would cause someone to lose their house unless she helped buy it. I would call her bluff on that.

It sounds like she is attention-seeking. The best way to deal with those looking for attention is to ignore, as giving either positive or negative response is reinforcing the behavior. Calmly let her know that the choice whether or not to attend is up to her and that you’ll respect whatever she decides and leave it at that. Don’t feed into her by showing any emotion. That is what she is looking for! Also, how is she blackmailing you with your house?!

View Quoted Comment Long story. It happened in my fiancé’s childhood that has scarred him forever.

View Quoted Comment Exactly. It’s just that petty stuff right there is why I don’t want her at our wedding

View Quoted Comment Then leave off the guest list! If she shows up have someone designated to show her out

Assuming you and your husband have already been approved for home loans, etc. and she is not a co-signer, there is nothing she can do. Loans are determined by running credit checks, etc., not what someone’s mom says!

View Quoted Comment We have been living in our house since March. I know she is lying. It just causes my fiancé so much anxiety and stress it just tears him to pieces. He knows she is lying. He just wants a mom that supports him and not try to ruin his life.

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I get that! But in most cases, vendors wait for a final guest count, at least for food I'm pretty sure that's the case. Most you'd have to order for flowers if she were to come is a corsage or something like that, right? I get that since she's a parent, she's typically more included in the cost of things so it's hard to plan adequately, but ultimately, this should be your fiancé's choice.

She sounds pretty awful.

Your fiance gets the ultimate say and its not fair for him to put that back on you. He wants her there and extends an invite, or he doesn't. Personally, someone threatening to blackmail one of you is not someone I would want at my wedding. Unless she is cosigned on a loan, is your landlord, or subsidizes your rent/mortgage she doesn't really have any power to get you booted from your home.

In terms of planning/expenses, if you extend an invitation budget in food. You might pay for a meal that doesn't get eaten but its a small thing in the overall scheme of what is going on here. Corsages/flowers aren't necessary for moms, but if you are planning to do them budget in as if she is going to be there.