Traditional vows vs personal vows

Either would be fine. You could also incorporate your personal vows into the traditional vows. I would definitely talk to the officiant and see if they have any recommendations!

Plenty of people go with the traditional “repeat after me” vows! Totally nothing wrong with that. Some other options if you’re interested though...

1.) Write your own vows and share them in private during a first look or cocktail hour, then do the traditional vows during your ceremony.
2.) We wrote our own vows, together, and put them in a “repeat after me” format. That way we covered things that are important to our relationship, and neither of us felt the pressure of reading our vows in front of everyone. It was really nice.

A lot of couples have written their own vows and shared them during their first look so they can have that moment for themselves. I'm a fan of writing vows because it personalizes the ceremony in my opinion, but if it's something that's going to cause you stress on your wedding day then go with whatever makes you and FH feel better. There's absolutely nothing wrong with traditional vows

View Quoted Comment Oh I like the idea of writing them together and having them in the “repeat after me” format! Then I don’t have to read/memorize anything!

View Quoted Comment Were your vows identical or were they different?

Our officiant gave us a choice of ceremonies we could choose from including piecing together our ceremony / intent / vows.

We ended up picking a set of vows that are different, but similar and honestly they 100% represent my FH and I. If I had to write my own, I would've said almost verbatim was was already pre-written.

I'm printing them up and putting them on index cards for us so we can memorize or read.

We are doing the traditional vows too! I feel like personal vows HAVE become the norm. And half the time they aren’t even vows... they are just sentiments about the other person. My FH has anxiety about public speaking, so I suggested we just do the traditional vows so he can actually enjoy our ceremony. Plus, I love the idea of saying the same vows our parents and grandparents all took (both of our parents and grandparents are all still married!). We aren’t even doing the “repeat after me” vows.. we are going old school with the “do you take so & so... say I do”. If writing your own vows will cause any anxiety or discomfort during your wedding, skip them! Do whatever will allow you both to enjoy your ceremony ❤️

View Quoted Comment They were identical. We wrote them together and focused on things that are important to us as a couple. Putting our family first, respecting each other, faithfulness, etc.

We wrote our own and will do the "repeat after me" format for that as well, as I hate public speaking and would not be capable of remembering all of it or read off a paper, as there may be tears involved lol. That being said, FH and I will also be writing letters to each other to read the day of that will have a lot more of the personal sappy things that we may not want to say in front of even close relatives. This way I feel like we will get to say anything personal and heartwarming without a bunch of eyes on us.

We have decided on our own vows and it really stresses me out! Many people write their vows together or go with standard vows as well.

Maybe write your own personalized vows in a note to your loved one to read before the ceremony

View Quoted Comment I will definitely have to suggest this to FH. Obviously we will also have to talk to my pastor and figure out how exactly he does the ceremony, if he has vow examples to choose from, and if there’s anything we “must” do. I know the state I’m in you HAVE to have the “do you so & so....I Do” part in the ceremony.

View Quoted Comment I love this idea! I had planned on giving him a gift on the wedding day and a letter for the night before since we won’t be staying at the same place

I get serious anxiety having to speak in front of people too, I totally get it and think the options PPs have suggested are great. FH and I decided to write our own repeat after me style vows and short individual vows, and actually the officiant (FH’s best friend) and I wrote the entire ceremony script, making it very unique to us. This depends entirely on what kind of ceremony you’re having of course, but even without personal vows the ceremony should reflect the two of you, in the script itself and/or the readings. To me, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to customize your ceremony to some degree for the two of you, making it personal while still being traditional if that’s what you want.
The other thing is, you should be holding hands during vows, and for me, my a FH has a very steadying effect on me so holding his hand and looking in his eyes with help me stay calm. I’m sure I’ll still be nervous, but at least this is in front of (mostly) people I know. Good luck!

I originally wanted to do personalized vows, but my fiancé flat out told me that while he has no problem writing me sweet messages and notes in private, that his personalized vows would be really simple and not nearly as endearing because he doesn’t like putting that out there for everyone. It would be along the lines of “I love you and am grateful to have you by my side.” So we went with the repeat after me option.

Our officiant has a huge choices file for us to customize our wedding ceremony so it’s still personalized and the time is put in.
You could always write him a note to give to him the morning of the wedding that could have what your personalized vows were going to be. Just a thought :-)

I think that’s ok to not do your own vows

Hi Emma, we didn't do personal vows either. We didn't want to have to deal with that anxiety! Granted, our ceremony was a religious Jewish one, and typically Jewish ceremonies do not have couples write or recite their own vows. But I've been to plenty of non-religious wedding ceremonies where the couple did only the "repeat after me" vows. It's definitely a personal preference, and I don't think anybody would judge you or think less of you in any way if you decide not to write/recite your own vows. Personally, not doing this saved me a ton of anxiety and stress! Best of luck whatever you decide.

If you guys feel uncomfortable doing it publicly, you can read the vows to each other in a private setting. The videographer can record the whole thing. Honesty, I have been in so many weddings, and majority of the people do not care about your vows.

We're writing our vows together but we'll either repeat them after the officiant or just say, "I do." (Hopefully deciding today...) I know I'd be way too anxious if I had to say them on my own or if I didn't know what my fiancé was going to say ahead of time.

Traditional vows still mean something 😁


We’re having a catholic wedding, so writing vows wasn’t an option for us. Even then, my FH is the same way. Public speaking isn’t his thing & he has a hard time verbally stating his feelings. We elected to do traditional vows, but prior to the ceremony (while getting ready) we’ve elected to read love notes from each other. That way we can say what we want to say privately.

Everybody's different but I'm definitely on the side of personal vows. I also have anxiety, and I think it's fine if you would rather not share something so personal in front of everyone - but that's my favorite part of a wedding.