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Devoted October 2021

Traditional Reception???

Ariel, on March 18, 2021 at 1:38 PM Posted in Wedding Reception 1 33

Is anyone not doing the traditional things (see list below) at the reception? I don't want to do them, but my FH does so I'm looking for alternatives or compromises.

First Dance: The thought of everyone staring at us for 3 minutes gives me a lot anxiety!

Speeches: I'd prefer to just have a welcome speech. I don't think we need speeches from MOH, Best Man and our Parents. I get bored at weddings listening to all the speeches.

Garter Toss: I'm putting my foot down and definitely not doing this. It just makes me uncomfortable

Bouquet Toss: Not as opposed to this, but I think it puts single women in a weird position. Seems kind of antiquated to me

Cake Cutting: This one I'll definitely do!

Grand Exit: On the fence on this

What are y'all doing? Everything very traditional or are you cutting out what you don't like? Any suggestions for a bride who wants less traditional but the FH wants it very traditional?



Latest activity by Ivory, on April 11, 2021 at 8:18 PM
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    We cut out bouquet and garter toss. It just was not something we were interested in.

    Everything else we did and I really enjoyed it. Our first dance was sweet and I loved dancing to "our song". The speeches/toast were short and sweet (less than 2 minutes a piece). I enjoyed hearing our MOH's (mine and my wife's) stories. And our grand exit made for great photos!

    • Reply
  • SLY
    Master January 2022
    SLY ·
    • Flag

    First Dance: I'm a dancer, so I actually plan on choreographing ours lol. Not like the cheesy ones you see sometimes though! But it'll be more than just the side step & sway dance everyone does!

    Speeches: We're allowing speeches to be made! We def. will tell whoever does one that it needs to be short and sweet lol. No need for long, drawn out stories.

    Garter Toss: LOATHE this so much!! Super cringe alert with this one lol. FH likes the comedy aspect of it though since we still have a lot of friends that are single, so he'll just have a mini foam football to toss up in the air. But def. NO DRESS DIVING.

    Bouquet Toss: Not against having this done, just depends on how I feel really lol

    Cake Cutting: Plan on doing this, just not having the DJ announce it! I don't see a need for everyone watching us cut our cake lol. I'd like to do that to the side for pictures sakes while allowing everyone to continue having fun!

    Grand Exit: Pretty sure we'll do a faux exit so that our older guests can see us off before they leave early!

    • Reply
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    We cut the bouquet and garter toss. A lot of people are doing that lately. You also don't need to dance for the whole 3 minutes. I think our first dance lasted about a minute, maybe 2 tops. Or DJ told us a signal to give when we were done (stop dancing and just sway with arms around each other). I have also literally never been to a wedding with a grand exit. I didn't know those were a thing outside of movies until I came on here. Traditionally, the speeches aren't supposed to be speeches. They are supposed to be short toasts. You can skip them or ask they be no longer than 2-3 minutes.
    • Reply
  • Biaani
    Expert May 2021
    Biaani ·
    • Flag

    We are doing a first dance. Dancing alone for like 1:30 min and then guests can join in.

    FH's 2 brothers are his best men 1 of them will probably give a speech. I don't have a MOH but 2 of my bridesmaids asked if they could do a speech I said yes.

    No garter toss lol makes me uncomfortable.

    I will do a bouquet toss but I'll probably just ask for ALL ladies to go to the dance floor not just single ones.

    Absolutely doing the cake cutting but if he smashes cake on my face he's sleeping on the couch the first year lmao.

    Not doing a grand exit. We'll just be the last ones to leave and see our guests off.

    • Reply
  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    We are cutting out the garter and bouquet toss.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag
    We’re doing first dance.
    The only speech will be the groom’s welcome speech. No garter toss. Prob no bouquet toss. I’ll probably just give it to a cute kid or something.
    • Reply
  • H
    Devoted August 2023
    Hhh ·
    • Flag
    We are definitely not doing either toss, they are both so cringy to me!! (I also haven’t seen them done at any recent weddings I’ve been to).

    For the first dance, it doesn’t have to be 3 minutes! We have a plan with our DJ of when to cut it off, and I will look at him earlier if we want to bail. You can also welcome any other couples to the floor to join you after like 30 seconds, so there are definitely options that could work for both of you. Speeches are flexible too. I’ve seen where main speeches are done at rehearsal dinner, then few people who speak during the wedding and each keep it super short. Consider proactively selecting who/when will give speeches rather than relying just on tradition (eg. if you know your moh rambles with a big audience, everyone -including her- may be happier if she says something the night before).
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    We're skipping both tosses and the grand exit. I'm on the fence about speeches. We're for sure planning on doing the cake cutting and first dance (though skipping the father daughter dance and possible skipping the mother son dance too).
    • Reply
  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
    • Flag

    First Dance/any dancing - we are skipping all of it, we just don't dance

    Speeches: just a welcome speech, if that, and my dad will pray over the meal

    Garter Toss/ Bouquet Toss: skipping these, i HATED these as a guest at other weddings, and always went to bathroom and hid

    Cake Cutting: no, we will have cupcakes guests can grab as they go through food line...that was always boring to me too, and it's stupid to feed/smash cake on expensive clothes.

    Grand Exit: no

    • Reply
  • AJ
    Super October 2022
    AJ ·
    • Flag

    First Dance: Yes we will do this.

    Speeches: Unsure, I'm not forcing anyone to give a speech if they don't want to - I know the BM will give one but I won't force my MOH to even though I would like her to.

    Garter Toss/Bouquet toss: We are cutting these because I hate everything about it and think it is unnecessary

    Cake Cutting: Unsure, we are having a donut sundae bar in place of cake but we might have my future sister in law bake a cake because her two kids have food allergies so want them to be able to have something - so maybe will cut that.

    Grand Exit: Unsure! Most likely not, but open to doing it

    • Reply
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    I think it is important for you and your fiancé to come to some sort of compromise rather than you just flat out refusing to do certain things. It is important to remember this is both of your wedding and that sometimes in relationships you have to make compromises.

    First Dance: Rather than dancing to an entire song, only dance to the first minute or so then either have the song fade or ask your guests to join you on the dance floor. This way your fiancé can still have a first dance like he wants, but it doesn't have to be the full song which gives you anxiety.

    Speeches: Your maid of honor and your parents don't have to give a speech, but if your fiancé wants his best man or his parents to give a speech then I would let him.

    Garter Toss: My husband and I were both uncomfortable with this so we skipped it.

    Bouquet Toss: We also skipped this. We didn't have a lot of single people at our wedding so it didn't make sense to do this. We did a trivia game with our guests instead.

    Cake Cutting: We definitely did this.

    Grand Exit: We did a last dance. The first minute or so my husband and I just danced then we invited the remaining guests onto the dance floor to dance with us. However, I don't think they type of grand exit is necessary.

    • Reply
  • Monica
    VIP October 2021
    Monica ·
    • Flag
    Yes to 1st dance. It can be half the song not a full 3min song.
    Welcome speech only is perfectly fine
    At first i was against bouquet toss because I didn’t want to give my boquet away or create a new one to give away. But then i found a really small nice arrangement at the dollar store for $3 and that will be my tossing bouquet. If i wasnt having a bouquet toss then I wouldn’t have done garter toss either. Yes on cake cuttingNo on grand exit. We have to clean up at the end of the night lol. So no exit for us.
    • Reply
  • C
    Master January 2019
    Cassidy ·
    • Flag
    Don’t do anything you don’t want to do just because it’s tradition. However don’t deprive your FH of the experience he wants from his wedding. You’ll have to come up with some compromises.
    For the first dance you could start the song just the 2 of you and then invite all married couples to the dance floor for an anniversary dance. If you don’t like that, there is no need to dance to the whole song, you could just do the first verse.

    Garter and bouquet toss, we skipped them. We only had 1-2 people (single) that would have participated anyway. No one missed it, and I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding that had this. If he really wants to do a toss. Maybe he can have a garter that he doesn’t physically take off of you or you could hand it to him (again it not be on your body).
    Anyone you want can give a speech. Ours didn’t go very long and they were sweet for US (me) to hear. That’s who they’re for anyway, not your guests. You can put a time limit on them and cap who can give a speech. Let your DJ know not to give the mic to any random person that asks.
    We didn’t do a grand exit and it’s not necessary. Many times the ones you see in pictures are staged anyway. Again if it’s something he really wants, find a solution you’re both happy with. Bubbles after the ceremony instead of after the reception? Just with bridal party?
    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Super August 2021
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    We are doing a first dance. We are only doing the welcome speech. We are on the fence about the garter toss. I am doing the bouquet toss but I saw on here someone talk about attaching a scratch ticket to it and inviting not only the single women but all of the ladies to come catch it, so I think I might do something like this. I don't really care for traditions. Cake cutting yes. Grand exit nope.
    • Reply
  • Nicole
    Devoted August 2022
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    We're not doing any of the things you listed. We're both nontraditional and anything that isn't important to us, we are skipping.

    As for your first dance, maybe you can do it in private, just the two of you, sort of like a first look? That way you don't feel watched, and your fiancé still gets to have the tradition.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag

    Definitely compromise because you should both be happy.

    First dance: we will be doing this. Nothing choreographed and opening the dance floor to everyone after.

    Speeches/toasts: will not be having thrse. They are cringy whether in real life, on Youtube or anywhere. Not doing a welcome speech either.

    Bouquet/garter toss: on the fence but don't care either way. Have never seen the cringy elements in person but not everyone is as crass as Youtube makes you think.

    Cake cutting: as far as I know we will. You can make it as big or subtle as you want. Never heard a dj play music for this but it could be fun.

    Grand exit: don't care either way. Not sure why it has to be a production but we are planning to stay till till the end so it doesn't make sense to have one.

    • Reply
  • A
    Expert September 2022
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    This is a brilliant suggestion! I also like the idea one PP threw out there - the couple dancing for the first verse or two, and then the DJ inviting all guests to join them on the dance floor.

    • Reply
  • Ariel
    Devoted October 2021
    Ariel ·
    • Flag

    Thanks everyone! So many great ideas. I think we will allow a few speeches but call them toasts and ask people to keep them to 2-3 minutes each. I love the idea of asking all the married couples to join us on the dance floor. I think it will be so cute to see the couples who have been married for 40+ years dancing next to my friends who are newlyweds. Now I just have to sell my FH on all these great suggestions!

    • Reply
  • Chantelle
    Devoted October 2021
    Chantelle ·
    • Flag

    First Dance: We're only doing a part of the song! Like the first two minutes and fade out.

    Speeches: Welcome speech/Food blessing by father of the bride (I just think it's a nice gesture to welcome everyone and bless the food), short MOH and Best Man speeches like 2mins each lol. No need to drag anything out. We wanted these special people to have some spotlight.

    Garter Toss: This is super cringy to us so cutting this out.

    Bouquet Toss: Not as cringy, but still cutting this out.

    Cake Cutting: Yes we're doing this!

    Grand Exit: Not sure, I think so? For pics purposes lol

    • Reply
  • M
    Expert April 2021
    Melody ·
    • Flag

    We're only cutting out the grand exit. I like all of the other things and FH really doesn't care except that he specifically wanted the garter toss. I have an anxiety disorder and wanted the option to leave early if need be instead of basically being stuck there until a specific time for a special exit. We're still undecided on who all will be giving speeches, though.

    • Reply

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