Total Money Grab! Vent

I've heard through my mother that a cousin's daughter is getting married in August in Hawaii. Cool. I expect to get an invitation, and do the usual: send a card/money or gift card. (It just seems to be expected now, I guess)

Well, my mother called me to tell me she received out invitation in the mail. (WOOHOO!) Then she stated "we" (meaning my mother & I) had received an invitation as well. I just assumed it was an invitation to my cousin's daughter's wedding, as now would be about the time it should be arriving. Wrong. It's an invitation to her shower - her coin shower!

Say, WHAT?!?!? The last time I actually SAW this girl was 8 years ago. She was a teenager in high school, and couldn't be bothered to say 2 words to me. I seriously can't even remember the last time she actually DID speak to me. But she does know that I'm not close to her mother, she knows that I'm not in the habit of traveling 2400 miles to where the family lives on any type of regular basis. cont

Know you are not done yet, but WTH is a "coin" shower?

(The last time I was there was 8 years ago for my grandmother's funeral) She HAS to know my mother and I are not going to drop every, buy plane tickets (in this economy, especially) to travel back to the mid-west for her shower! And then, to say - Oh, I only want money. I mean, I can understand sending me an invite - heck, the rest of the family does it, why not her? But an invite to her shower? Where all she wants is money? The sniveling little money-grubbing snot! If she needs money - to pay for her wedding or what-not - do what I had to do: work and save for it! Don't go come running to me with your hand out! GRRRR!!!

But I do have to love my boss' idea: Get a beautiful card, wishing her well....and tape inside a penny, a nickle, a dime, and quarter. There. There's your coins, you greedy little biotch!

Hmmm...I feel much better!

OH, ok I get it now, she just wants money!

Maybe she just invited every single female on the guest list? I'm going to hope for the best.

Hahahahaha I LOVE the boss' idea!

Hopefully wowjunkie is right. Maybe she gave guests list to whoever is hosting the shower and they just invited all the ladies on it. When I get invitations to long distance showers from long lost family members, I just RSVP no.

Honestly, it could be that her own mother is demanding certain people be invited. You aren't required to give anything and if you don't feel the urge to, then don't respond.

I dunno, I still think it's rude to send invitations to showers etc...to people you KNOW are not going to attend. It feels like an attempt to get one more gift, that's about it.

I mean... just RSVP no... don't just NOT respond.

This post is making me feel kinda guilty....

When my aunt asked for my guestlist to the shower I sent names of people who I knew could not attend in hopes that they will feel included and know that I wish they were there! Granted, I do not have any long lost relatives because they all live close to home but I did send invites to friends that live in other states?!?!

Is that percieved as me just asking for a second gift?

The two contacts for the shower are the groom's mother - who I obviously do not know - and my aunt, this girl's grandmother. I know my aunt very well, she is a very lovely woman who would be shamed to know of this. If the groom's mother filled out the shower invitations? Well, as she is writing the addresses on the envelopes, I gotta think when she's living in Wisconsin, and she comes across California, she's gotta stop and say, "Should we REALLY be inviting people to a SHOWER that live that far away?"

Unless she's a brainless twit...

Mary ~ A coint shower is a shower where only money is expected or wanted. There is to be no gifts given. From what I've heard, this can be quite common in more rural communities? But I'm not positive about that. I've also heard that, because people can be easily insulted or offended, coin showers invitees are usually only people that are very close family members/friends to the bride/groom. That's my understanding, anyway.

BK's Girl ~ I would say a friend is different, in that usually friends are people you remain in contact with. (Otherwise, they aren't really friends, are they??) :/ If I had a friend in another state, some one who I had regular contact with, and she was getting married, and sent me an invitation to her shower, I would be really touched. If I couldn't attend, I would delight in picking out (or making) a special gift and having it delivered to where the shower was to be held, so she would know I would want to be there.

This girl is what I would call a somewhat distant relative who I really have absolutely no contact with. The only thing I know about her is that she lives somewhere in the state of Wisconsin. Other than that? I don't know how old she is, what she does for a living (if she has one), if she went to (or is in) college, nothing. And she knows about the same about me. See the difference?

Well...Im not big on the whole money shower deal...that seems weird.

however, as a bride who is getting married is a state she didnt grow up or where her family didnt live, I could see inviting some people just so they know I was caring and thinking about them-not to get a gift/money.

Ive been invited to some showers where they bride knew I wouldnt be able to make it and I felt honored to at least have been considered. Granted, in the cases where I couldnt go, I simpy sent a card of congratulations and did not send a gift.

I say send a nice card and leave it at that.

Bluedaisy ~ an invitation to the wedding, absolutely. I've gotten those throughout the years, and even though I've never attended, I've always returned my RSVP, sent a card and sent either money or a gift card. I really don't have a problem with that at all. And, if this shower was just a regular shower, I probably wouldn't be all that irritated, either. I would probably suggest my mother and I pool our resources and either get her something really nice and have it shipped, or simply be able to get a gift card with a larger amount. No prob.

What I'm finding irritating and rude, is the idea that she and I are not close (at all), she knows I'm not going to this shower, and I don't have an option - it's just to give her money. It's as if she's going to every single person that has ever had something to do with her life with her hand out, all the while she has never encouraged relationships in anyway.

Gotcha - It must be my time of the month soon. I am getting so sensitive

I thought I would check some sites on bridal shower etiquette since I am pretty shower I am breaking many of the "traditional" rules myself. Here is what one site said about invited guests to the bridal shower:

Who the guest list should include: the wedding party, the mothers of the bride and groom, sisters of the bride and groom, and the bride's closest friends and/or coworkers. Contrary to some recent practices, it probably shouldn't include every woman invited to the wedding.

We invited all of the cousins and sisters to my daughter's bridal shower. The reason is that when my nephew got married, all of my sisters who live close were invited to the shower but I, who live far away, was not. I was very disappointed and hurt as I would have liked to send my nephew's bride a gift. I guess I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it. Some people are disappointed when they aren't invited and some people are disappointed when they are.

P.S. My daughter's shower was a gift card shower as she lives far away from where the shower was held (she flew there). The family wanted to have a shower for her but not the problem of getting things back home.