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Kerry
Dedicated May 2018

Torn - Invite Deadbeat Dad to the Wedding?

Kerry, on August 21, 2017 at 6:43 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 25

I know this has been discussed multiple times before, but I'm looking for new perspective. I can't decide on whether or not to invite my dad to the wedding. He's never been around, and my mother raised us alone. I haven't seen him in years, and I only saw him because I was visiting my grandmother...

I know this has been discussed multiple times before, but I'm looking for new perspective. I can't decide on whether or not to invite my dad to the wedding. He's never been around, and my mother raised us alone. I haven't seen him in years, and I only saw him because I was visiting my grandmother and they live together. Before that, I hadn't seen him since my high school graduation (he lives in NJ and I'm in NY). He makes no attempts in communication. No calls, even on my birthday or holidays. His only "attempt" has been through Facebook, which I've ignored. It's been silence for years, until a few weeks ago when I sent my grandmother a birthday card, and he suddenly remembered I existed, and sent me a message and commented on some of my posts, finally congratulating me for being engaged (a year later), in a sad attempt to apologize for years of being an awful father. I know that only I can decide this, and I have to do what feels right, but I'm not sure what that is right now. (cont.)

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25 Comments

  • Ruffian
    Savvy October 2017
    Ruffian ·
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    @Kerry - Only you can make the decision.

    My guess is that he's trying to reach out to you, very gingerly. And he's afraid of getting rejected.

    Your grandmother - does she need him to bring her to your wedding?

    Your invites probably will go out in early spring, right? See how it goes for the next 6 months. But think about inviting him only as a guest. He likely already knows that no honors will be extended to him. And you owe him absolutely no explanations, nor anyone else.

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  • Nicole
    Super November 2017
    Nicole ·
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    Ask yourself if you can imagine your wedding day without him. If you can, skip then invite

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  • Kerry
    Dedicated May 2018
    Kerry ·
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    @Ruffian - Yes, I believe she cannot drive herself. I'm not even sure he can either, with all the medical issues they both have.

    Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate your input on this matter, especially if you have experience with this type of situation.

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  • Brooke
    Expert September 2017
    Brooke ·
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    I had the same issue and my whole family hates him. He's made a point to be a part of my life so I did ask my father to walk me down the aisle. I don't want to live with regret and I got my mom's blessing beforehand. We are not doing a father daughter dance but a mother daughter dance since my mom raised me. Do what's right in your heart!

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  • Z
    Devoted April 2018
    Zaira ·
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    I'm not inviting strangers, that includes my father...

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