Torn - Invite Deadbeat Dad to the Wedding?

I do know that if I am invite him, he definitely will not be included in the wedding in any way. Not walking me down the aisle, and no father-daughter dance. He would be treated like any other guest. My problem is, no matter what I choose, there will be drama, because he won't get it, and that's a conversation that will never end that I don't want to have. If I invite him, I'll have to explain why he doesn't get those honors, and if I don't invite him, I'll have to explain why for that too. He's also an alcoholic, and I don't trust him to not drink. Could I tell the bartenders not to serve him? My MOH's vote is a vehement NO on inviting him, and everyone else says it's up to me. Anyone else in a similar situation? What are you doing in regards to the invitation?

ETA: The last question was meant in general, if you have the same situation: Are you inviting this person to your wedding?

My suggestion is that you do invite him. Yes he wasn't there in your life for some of the greatest milestones. But God forgives us all and why should we not forgive. My dad wasn't really there when we were growing up and I had my stepdad there. It wasn't until I was 24 when I began to try and build a relationship with my dad. And to this day we have the greatest relationship. I thank God for giving us a chance to have a relationship. My husband and I are renewing our vows and having a big wedding since we were so Young when we got married, me 18 and my Hubby 20 at the time. We are now celebrating our 20yrs of marriage in November. I still asked my stepdad, to make sure he was fine with it. That my dad walks me down the aisle. And my stepdad said he was perfectly fine with it and that I will always be his babygirl. With that said, you have to forgive one day why not try now. If God never forgives or wouldn't have forgiven us, how would we feel? God gave us another chance so give your dad a chance...be encouraged through it all knowing that God got you covered.

I'll give you the best advice I can since I was in a very similar situation. I knew I would regret it if something ever happened to him or if we ever made amends if I didn't atkeast invite him. I didn't ask him to do any of the honors or traditions but he is invited. He was upset I didn't ask but I was blunt and told him I didn't feel he deserved it. We have made amends but he still will just be a guest. And yes, you can absolutely tell the bartenders not to serve him.

Sorry you're having to deal with this. I'm in the same boat minus the drama. I don't plan on inviting my dad.

I can't say what I would do, but with either choice I do not think you owe him an explanation at all. You do not need to have any type of conversation with him (or anyone else) to explain or justify your choice.

This is such a hard decision. My fh and I are also going through this. His mother has made some very poor decisions and barely participated in his life too. We are not allowing her in our daughters life because of some of these decisions. I don't want my fh to regret not having his mom there although he seems to say it doesn't matter since she missed out on so much as it is. But I know this is something that happens once and it's a big day. We are up in the air about it. But in the moment we are saying no. It's a very personal decision.

I was in the same boat with the exception my father passed away a few years ago. If he were alive I would send an invite but he wouldn't be allowed to drink or have those wedding honors. My dad was an alcoholic too. It's your choice.

I wouldn't. I'm in a similar situation. I am only inviting him because I want my little brothers there and he won't let them come if he doesn't. I'm going to worry the whole time that he will cause drama. Which he will once he finds out there's no chance in hell of him walking me down the aisle.

I personally would not invite him. All relationships take work and if he is not willing to put in the work then that speaks volumes. He has made an attempt to apologize (which is a good starting point) but communication has to continue for it to be genuine. As time goes on continue to feel it out and see if he is genuinely interested in having a relationship with you. If yes, then invite him and if not then that will speak for itself. I only want people at my wedding who have been there for me, will not cause any drama and who value our relationship. Good luck OP as I know this is tough.

You are correct in saying no one can make this decision but you. I am in a smilies situation with a deadbeat father but inviting him to my wedding has never even been a consideration for me. He is not a part of my life and I haven't spoken to him in many years. The decision is yours and yours alone. Do what will make your heart happy!

Sounds like he is pretty much a stranger, I wouldn't invite him...

I think you should only invite him to the wedding if you want to build a relationship. If you don't care to try and bond from this then I would say there is no point in inviting him. My cousin's father tried really hard to get back into good graces but too much damage was done to my cousin and she didn't feel she needed him in her life. So the decision is a 100% yours. But I would figure out first what do you expect to happen after the wedding. Will you be mad if he comes to the wedding and disappears right after? You have some time to think about it still

Thank you all so much for your comments. This is definitely a tough decision that I will need to think about more. So sorry for those of you going through the same thing.

I'm in a similar situation except it's with my mother. I opted not to invite just because I feel like I wouldn't be able to enjoy my day because I would be so worried about what she is going to do/say. Also I know it would make my dad (who raised me) and my close family and friends feel uncomfortable to an extent that she's there and I want them to enjoy themselves as well. PLUS she has never even met my FH so she's a hard no!

My biological father sounds exactly like yours. My mom asked me in the beginning of planning if I was inviting him and I actually laughed so hard that I fell off my couch.

You just need to ask yourself if you want a relationship with this man.

I hadn't heard from mine in 28 years and had written him off YEARS ago. He actually called me out of the blue about 6 months ago and the only reason I answered the phone is because I didn't believe it was really going to be him. I want nothing to do with him. He made his choice when he cut me out of his life when I was 9. No thanks. Too little too late.

If you want to have a relationship with him though he should at least be invited as a guest

I'm in the same boat and opted to not invite my dad or any of his family. I've been adamant about it since day 1 of being engaged. Truly only you can make the choice. Can you live with not having him there or do you need him there? Go with your gut. You know what's best for you

Why on earth would you bother inviting him? I have a deadbeat mom and no way in hell would I invite her. If she can't be bothered to be involved in my life, then why would I invite her to my wedding?

Same could go for your father, do you actually want him there? If the answer is no, then don't invite him.

My dad hasn't been in my life since I was 14. I got married when I was 27 and I'm now 32. Even if he had appeared in my life a year or two before I got married, no amount of Facebook comments, likes, letters, cards, etc. could make up for the years of hurt that he has caused me. My wedding was a day to celebrate with people who know us, love us, and helped raise us. I would never have invited him, but unlike you, I didn't have to make that decision.

Now that being said, I can't make your decision for you, but think about what you want your wedding to be and who you want to be there. To me, it sounds like your dad is merely an acquaintance who happened to give you half of his DNA. That simple fact alone doesn't warrant anything in my opinion, but I could be biased by my own childhood. If you can imagine your day without him, or see nothing but negatives when you think of him being there, then move forward with that. I wish you the best of luck.

I'm in a similar situation and am not inviting him. I'm already getting backlash but it's a non-negotiable for me. Plus, it'll be super awkward for my mom, who shouldn't be put in that situation.

I didn't invite mine. Didn't expect the backlash from his mother (who I considered to understand my pov; she didn't). Ultimately, like I told her, the time to reconcile with my dad is not my wedding day. If he wants that he can make as effort after the big show is wrapped. If not, then why would I have wanted him there? Still it hurt that my grandmother decided to boycott to back him. Smh.