Torn between what i want, and what everyone else wants. Help!

Trust me, you're not horrible. She is.

My fiance and I were having a similar situation. The end result was basically that if the additional guests are being added, then she should provide for them. If she isn't paying, it's YOUR wedding. When you and your fiance look back on the big day you want to have the day that you'll forever remember in good memory. Not a day filled with pleasing others. It's not selfish at all. If you're both in agreement, he needs to stand up for that decision and talk to mommy about pulling back on the additional guests unless she's providing for them.

We originally picked a venue as our top choice with a max of 15 people- because we wanted to physically limit the guest list- turns out they had horrible service and we've since moved on- and we are now up to 25- which makes me stabby- but we are holding fast at 25.

Just keep saying no you want it family only. She'll get over it eventually.

I can relate. This has been going on with my FH's mother since the engagement. We wanted maximum 50 people at the event and at one point our list exploded to 160 people. I ended up having a mini nervous breakdown about the whole thing, because FH and I are hosting the wedding. We are paying 85% of the expenses including the venue, food and drinks. My parents helped with my dress and flowers, but that's it.

Everytime we went over the list, his mother would say we forgot someone. The thing is these people aren't even from both sides of their family. Only 6 people from my future father in laws side are attending. The rest of from the F-MIL's side. Our wedding is 80% her side of the family. It kills me everytime I look at the list, that I may have to cut my own friends to make room for her extended family.

Worst part is they all live within 30 minutes of the venue. I should have had the wedding out of state in hindsight. That being said, my FH finally talked to his mom and we ended up telling her our venue could not accommodate 160 people inside together (which is true). She freaked out about people not having air conditioning in May and finally decided to help us cut the list. It's hard going though. She's only cut 12 people so far and we've give her a minimum of 70 to cut. I don't know if she will ever get there. We also had to cut all children because we would have had 195 person wedding with the amount of children on her side of the family. It makes me sad that I can't have a flower girl or ring bearer because of the situation. But we honestly can't afford it on the budget we established.

Anyway I feel your pain. We have talked about elopement almost every week since engagement, yet somehow we keep pushing forward.

He did back me up. When i brought it up, he said "Thank god, i was so worried we were going to do that!" And he did tell his mother that i was not horrible, that we just don't want what she wants. I did not tell him about when she called me selfish though, because I know he'd have flipped out.

@Richard I would be livid. That nucca better have my back! Don't dim your light because others prefer the shade! This is your wedding. I'm sorry she's being so rude and disrespectful to you. ETA: After reading, I'm happy to hear FH is on your side, and stood up for you! (;

Kat, I had this struggle at first when we decided to have around a 20 person wedding. I'm a real push over when it comes to being nice to people, and I am telling you: don't compromise on this one. There is going to be a huge difference in vibe between a wedding with 20 and a wedding with 75. It's sweet to think of others, but it's not their day. If you two want a small wedding, ban together with your fiance and say: "this is what we are doing, because it's what we want." End of story. And you will be a lot happier later as a result. You only get one wedding, and you should be able to have the wedding you two want.