Too passive aggressive bridesmaids

I would table the discussion for a while. It is way too early to be ordering or even thinking about dresses! My wedding is in October and I gave the girls a color and length on Azazie and told them to find a dress within those guidelines by the wedding. I don’t plan on talking to them again about it because they are all adults and if they can’t pick out one or don’t order it in time they will be a guest.

I would let it go for at least another 9 months. It's way too early to be talking about dresses several times.

It's 18 months to your wedding. At this point, if I was a BM I wouldn't care about the dress either. It's just too early and things can happen. They could gain weight, lose weight, get pregnant. Just chill for a while.

You are going to drive them crazy and likely away, if you bother them about dresses this far out.

There is nothing passive aggressive about not picking out a dress 18 months before your wedding.

I don’t see how this makes them passive aggressive. I think it’s to early for them to order the dress. Maybe that’s why they aren’t deciding yet.

I agree with everyone here. As a fellow sept 2019 bride, chill. I don’t plan on talking bridesmaids dresses until around January. Even if you’re excited to get everything squared away sooner rather than later, they are under no obligation to do the same. If you really feel that strongly about it, just have them wear what the other two are wearing, since they seem indifferent.

They have both said “we will wear what you want us to wear.” And I understand not wanting to do it until closer. And maybe it’s just me but I like to plan things well in advance. It makes me crazy not having details picked out. And I don’t expect them to purchase now or even in a years time but I guess I just somewhat expect them to be excited like the other two bridesmaids are (my sisters) the other two are going to be Sil. Because at this point in our planning it feels like literally no one cares that we are having a wedding other than me or FH.

View Quoted Comment I think it’s natural that your sisters are more excited since they are closer to you. And no one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you and your FH will be. Especially since it’s still months away. Ppl might start getting more exciting as the time approaches. My wedding is all I think about and want to talk about but I realize taht doesn’t that’s all my bf wants to talk about. So I try to stop myself when I catch it.
If they are indifferent towards the dress and your sisters chose the same one. I’d justvhavw them in the same dress as well. And make it easier on them and less stressful on you for waiting for a response.

EDIT: by bf I meant best friend not boyfriend. My fiancé is like me and can talk about our wedding all day. Lol

I am a September 19 2019 bride and I have thought of my bridal party but I don't plan on asking til after new year's him I'm not being mean just honest, no one cares about your wedding as much as you do. I wouldn't talk to them about dresses til January at least, you can look for dresses all you want but you will be driving your friends crazy they may even back out so drop it for now

Wait until the fall until you bring this up again. Ask them their budget and find 5-6 dresses that fit your vision and have them pick from there.

This is how weddings can ruin relationships. You have good intentions but you are going to end up pushing them away by obsessing over things that don't matter.

I'm also a September 2019 bride and we haven't even started discussing BM dresses yet. I have a color picked out but besides that we won't be looking at styles or discussing dresses until at least January. Everyone will become more excited once your wedding starts getting closer and probably have more opinions as a result. Just concentrate on planning other parts of your wedding for now.

I get wanting to plan in advance, but you need to stow the convo away for a while. If anything, they're getting less and less excited about finding the dress because you won't drop the issue.

I'm a planner too, and it's hard to let go, but sometimes you just need to. No one other than family will EVER be as excited as you about your wedding. Literally none of my BMs talk about my wedding until I bring it up, and I can see them getting bored with the subject quickly, so I drop it. I know they are there to support me when the time comes and they will, and I'm sure that's how your BMs will be as well.

If my friends wedding were still 18 months out, I wouldn't be overly thrilled to be told constantly to pick a dress, now. They have PLENTY of time, just take a step back and I'm sure you'll see a change in attitude right away!

If your wedding is September 2019 they probably aren't going to pick a dress until Feb or March of 2019. People can gain or lose weight. Even if they aren't trying to, certain medicines or health problems can cause weight gain or loss. Or someone can get pregnant. So your friends probably aren't telling you because they have no idea what would look good on their bodies a year from now.

You say you want them to not be uncomfortable, but it would make me really uncomfortable (I have anxiety) if someone kept asking me to pick a dress for an event that’s 18 months away. To be totally honest, that would probably set off my anxiety enough that I would consider not being in the wedding. No one needs to decide on a dress that far out. I didn’t even shop for my wedding dress until 8 months before.

I would wait until it’s about 6-8 mo away to really ask them to search. Bodies change and styles change a lot in 18 mo. I’m a September 2018 bride and my Bridesmen picked their tuxes this month. My MOH still needs to pick her dress but her “deadline” is June

Nothing needs sorting yet hun you have plenty of time so dont start panicking!

with my girls i ordered 5 styles of dress home delivered to fit the colour scheme of my wedding then made a fun afternoon with a few drinks and nibbles and they tried the dresses on and had a chat and decided on them from there - my brothers wedding they had the dresses where the straps can be different but the same dress, they where slightly more expensive but each girls was unique and they loved it - worth a look into these maybe? xxx

I think you probably asked your BMs too early--relationships and friendships change a lot in a year and a half. but since you've already asked them, i agree with PPs, it's putting a lot of pressure on them to commit to something so far in advance when styles and bodies may also evolve.

18 months away is too early. Some of the girls could get pregnant and have a baby before then! Bodies change so I'd wait until you are much closer. And a lesson I've learned on here-no one is going to be as excited about your wedding day as you are.

You shouldn't even ask them to be your BM until 6-8 months before the wedding. It's literally pointless to even look at dresses right now, as the styles will change and the same dresses won't even be available by this time next year. You are going to make them hate you if you keep this up for the next 18 months.