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Beginner October 2018

Too many guests

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Aimee, on February 11, 2018 at 6:02 PM

Our guest list is pushing 200 and I’m stressing out. I always imagined a small, intimate wedding but between my FH and myself, 120 of that is family (and just first families not extended). The problem is we are living in my FH’s hometown so every other day it seems he runs into someone else to invite. And yes he’s close to them and/or he went to their wedding, always a “legitimate” reason. He thinks we can afford the big wedding (it’s a stretch but doable) but for me it’s more the stress of having SO many people there. I knew when I said yes I would never get the less than 50 person wedding I always dreamed of but I never imagined this big. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he doesn’t want to let anyone down or make them feel left out. Any other suggestions to either one, manage my stress or two, help him understand that a 200+ wedding guest list is not a good idea?

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Devoted June 2018
NeLeibelToBe · on February 12, 2018 at 10:04 AM
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I always thought I'd have a smaller guest list too! However FHs family is HUGE. His mom is a sibling of 8..all married with kids. And a good chunk of those kids are married. And of course they all live in the same small town for the most part and are all very close. It wasn't my ideal guest list but it's his wedding too so I just grew to adapt. (And secretly hope a good chunk can't make it! 😉)
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Savvy May 2018
Jen · on February 12, 2018 at 10:24 AM
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Exact same boat! Im from a super small family and his family is a small army! His list easily doubles mine! Ive definitely had to learn how accept and embrace that. Im going to be part of that huge family in a few months!
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Just Said Yes October 2018
Sara · on February 12, 2018 at 10:40 AM
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Wow I am having this exact same issue! My FH guest list is around 180 - that is for his side (family and friends) alone! It is really overwhelming, not to mention expensive. Try explaining it from a financial perspective. Not only are you paying for food/alcohol but that is more centerpieces, invitations, favors etc. That all adds up very quickly. Also explain that you don't imagine yourself celebrating your marriage with 100+ people you don't even know. In terms for his reasoning for letting people down, explain that this is not about others, this is about the two of you. People understand. Weddings are not cheap and I feel like if you lay all of that out there for him he will start to see your reasoning.
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Super October 2018
MaltedMilk · on February 12, 2018 at 10:44 AM
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I feel for ya - my family is huge....lots and lots of cousins and FH's is....crickets. But we have to cap at fifty guests, and we want to split the remaining slots after our VIP's equally.....it is hard!! Guest lists are tough, I feel for you.
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Dedicated August 2018
Chandell · on February 12, 2018 at 10:54 AM
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Maybe talk to him about it .I'm not gonna comment on the b list Becaus it worked well for me I had a fall out with like 5 people and I have to have the minimum and I got 6 people coming on place . I was worried about over inviting until someone dropped out. Maybe they all won't come people say yes just for the he'll of it sometimes
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Super August 2006
Cassandra7 · on February 12, 2018 at 12:11 PM
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Decide how many guests you can afford to host well and feel comfortable with. Then each of you invites one-half of that number. Period.
If there's no room for cousins, don't invite them; if you're close with three cousins and wouldn't recognize five cousins, don't invite the five.
(Why does he care more about his casual friends than he does about your happiness at your wedding?)
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