VIP November 2022

Too competitive (rant and curiosity)

Cece, on November 18, 2021 at 10:37 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 14
Does anyone else feel like weddings are becoming a competition? I’ve been seeing more and more lately people angry/complaining that their friends or family members are getting engaged around the same time as them, having their weddings in the same year or season as them, using the same vendors, having similar decor, etc. When did weddings go from a happy event where family/friends support and help one another, to a competition?? In our friend and family circle, not only are we genuinely happy for eachother when it comes to engagements and weddings (even when they are happening in very close proximity to eachother), but we actually help each other plan, give each other tips on vendors, decor, money saving ideas, etc. We even have people who offer to share their own wedding decor! We don’t have brides “claiming” a dress style or color palette, or getting angry because so-and-so used the same flowers in her bouquet. I am curious where this idea of claiming ownership over every aspect of a wedding came from. I know everyone wants their wedding to be unique/their vision… but let’s be honest, there is rarely a unique item when it comes to weddings. It’s all been done before. And most people are getting their “unique” ideas from Pinterest, Instagram, TV, etc. So why are people becoming so hostile with friends and family over “stolen” ideas… that they themselves “stole” from someone else?


Latest activity by Cece, on November 23, 2021 at 10:14 AM
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I honestly wonder that to. I didn't know it was such a thing until coming on here, as my friend circle is similar. We are all genuinely thrilled for the others. My SIL got engaged a bit after us, and we were so thrilled and I was happy to share all of the wedding resources and tips I acquired since I was further along in the process than her. Weddings are about the love between the couple. Therefore, it's going to be unique because the people are unique. And, let's be real, unless you are getting your dress custom made by a designer, your dress isn't unique, just like your Pinterest centerpieces, etc. Guests aren't paying attention to that stuff anyway 9 times out of 10.
    • Reply
  • Sharon
    Super September 2021
    Sharon ·
    • Flag
    Yes!!! 🎯 No one is going to put their life on hold until your wedding is over and enough time has passed for you to deem it ok. Life is short! Celebrate everything you can as often as you can. And yeah "unique"....all the guests care about are, is the food is good, there's an open bar and is the music is good. Can anyone remember anything specific about any wedding they've been too? Centerpieces? Decor?
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    I don’t get it at all! Even if someone were to carbon copy your vendors, color scheme, dress…everything… it’s still a different wedding! You’re totally right about pretty much every idea being unoriginal as we all pull inspiration from similar places. I think people most sensitive to it are usually the ones who are actually competitive but blaming the other person.
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I have had all of these same thoughts recently, based on posts here. And I also don't get it. I am glad I haven't experienced this type of thing in real life. I hope it's not actually as common as the posts make it appear.

    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    I see that on these forums all the time.

    i think it's because people:

    1. want to feel original when in reality weddings these days are not very original anymore haha people have similar tastes and desires and inspo so it may come out similar in ways

    2. people just want to feel like it's their time vs sharing it with others it kind of reduces their own spotlight

    3. feel insecure about any possible comparisons being made. my husband and his best friend got engaged around same time and come time for wedding planning, his best friend booked a date first and when it was our turn he was so hellbent on us not getting married BEFORE him. we were like what does it matter? we don't even have the same guests at all aha we have like 2 mutual guests out of the 200 something guests we each had.

    • Reply
  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
    • Flag
    I think what you are describing as your friends and family is the norm, the petty jealousies are very much an exception. They are just very noticeable and hard to forget, because this behaviour is so childish and immature. You notice that it usually comes from very young brides who are mentally still stuck in high school and love to add drama to every aspect of their lives, just to feel special.
    • Reply
  • Rebelle Fleur
    Rockstar July 2021
    Rebelle Fleur ·
    • Flag
    I think this has always been, but since we have the internet we just see it more often than we would if we didn’t have it.
    • Reply
  • Kate
    Dedicated May 2022
    Kate ·
    • Flag
    I totally agree with your rant and thank you for posting it. It made me feel better that I wasn’t crazy when reading some things on here. I also am on Reddit and people just go bananas about their weddings and expectations.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Some women haven’t left the pettiness in grade school and are mean because they can get away with it and come across as sweet to those around them. What you are describing doesn’t happen that often in real life but because of the internet, things that are not common to your real life or the area you are in suddenly come across that everyone everywhere is doing the exact same when reality says otherwise. What you see online is often not a reflection of real life at all.
    • Reply
  • Rosie
    Rockstar February 2022
    Rosie ·
    • Flag

    I think to be fair, there's often a lot of history with some of these old friends or family members, and it's not really about the colour scheme, the dress or whatever at all. It's usually a long-standing pattern of behaviour where they somehow brush off other people's milestones, chip away at your happiness, or ruin a special moment somehow, and it's never been an important enough event to crack until something like a wedding.

    I think in cases where someone just... seems really upset about something which is in broad picture view, quite inconsequential, the best question to ask is often, 'what are you REALLY upset about?'

    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Expert May 2022
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    Yes! And my biggest annoyance is when friendships fall apart because people weren't "doing their duty" as a MB, MOH, GM, whatever. Like is your friendship really only about this one day?! lol

    • Reply
  • Alyssa
    Super December 2021
    Alyssa ·
    • Flag

    My brother, sister, and I will all have our weddings in the next 12 months. In reality, we are 7 years apart. My parents were NOT expecting this. I was engaged in August of 2019 and originally supposed to have a June 2020 wedding and you all know what happened there. My little sister got engaged in September of 2020 and my brother in December of 2020. We all had legal ceremonies already for various reasons, but none of us are jealous or petty about the fact that anyone's thunder is being stolen. Oddly enough, the weddings are still going in "age order", just a LOT closer together than anyone would have thought.

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    ((SLOW CLAP))

    I think women and men have become socialized that they need to feel special. To hell with anyone else's happiness. Better not be pregnant or get engaged or have any other life even that may take away their thunder.

    Hopefully it's the minority of the people out there.

    • Reply
  • Cece
    VIP November 2022
    Cece ·
    • Flag
    I am so happy reading all these posts! It sounds like there are still a lot of people out there who are genuinely happy for major moments in their friends and families life, even if they do happen concurrently with their wedding.
    • Reply

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