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Jane
Devoted October 2017

To include registry cards with invites or not?

Jane, on July 25, 2017 at 8:31 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 33

Every wedding I have ever gone to or been invited to included registry cards with the invitations. But I've read on here that that's not okay to do, which is total news to me. Why is that the case if it's true? My registry is on the website as well and I put the website on the invitation, but what...

Every wedding I have ever gone to or been invited to included registry cards with the invitations. But I've read on here that that's not okay to do, which is total news to me. Why is that the case if it's true? My registry is on the website as well and I put the website on the invitation, but what about older guests who don't use the computer? What is everyone else doing?

33 Comments

  • Ruffian
    Savvy October 2017
    Ruffian ·
    • Flag

    A registry is not a requirement. My daughter and her FH have been together a number of years, so have what the need. They've decided they don't want family and friends to waste money buying them duplicates, so no registry.

    If anyone asks, the answer is, of course, no gift is necessary. Most of our guests will need to travel a couple of hours and perhaps stay overnight, so coming to the wedding is gift enough. If anyone insists, then they can choose something personal, meaningful to them and the bride and groom.

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    OH yeah, it's a big deal. It's so rude to assume people are getting you gifts in the first place. Next, it's a faux pas to refer to gifts at all in the invitation suite. Next, those little cards are given to you so that the STORE can cash in on your wedding. You're basically advertising for them.

    • Reply
  • Katie
    Dedicated June 2018
    Katie ·
    • Flag

    Jane V I am an American marrying a Russian Smiley smile just wanted to say hi! ETA: should also say that all Russian weddings I've been to had registry info with the invite, didnt bother me at all but we arent doing it because we are not registering.

    • Reply
  • N
    Just Said Yes October 2018
    Niccole ·
    • Flag

    @kari, @jersygirl, I edited my post seconds after posting it. I was hangry at the time & on limited sleep. My apologies.

    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master October 2016
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    No worries @niccole

    • Reply
  • Nonna T
    Master April 2014
    Nonna T ·
    • Flag

    Nope, Kari, not even then was it acceptable.

    FWIW, old people use computers. And know how to gift.

    • Reply
  • lawn_flamingo
    Devoted September 2017
    lawn_flamingo ·
    • Flag

    I'm not adding any registry info, but I will say that I had an older relative ask if we could put registry cards in! I just said we'd look into it, but obviously I did not.

    • Reply
  • C
    Just Said Yes September 2018
    Candice ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Tabatha. It's just silly. If someone is going to assume that you expect a gift because you put your registry information on an invitation and be offended, then maybe you don't want them at your wedding. It's like the bride and groom need to have a registry, but act like they don't have a registry. Like, place your registry inside a box, then place it inside another box and sink that box in the deepest part of the ocean. Draw a map to the location of the box, cut it into 15 pieces and bury the map pieces. Then, draw another map to the location of the original map pieces and give them to the wedding party. Then, come up with a secret handshake that only the mother of the bride knows which must be used to get the map pieces from the wedding party. Only then may your guests access your registry.

    Just put your registry on the invites and be done with it. I think the only people who will be offended are the people who weren’t going to get a gift in the first place and have now been reminded that they aren’t bringing a gift. Those people will find some other reason to judge you anyway, so don’t spend too much time worrying about them.

    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Just Said Yes July 2020
    Shannon ·
    • Flag

    I'll put them on my details card on the back of my invite. I'm hosting my wedding across country and don't have the means to keep in touch with everyone attending. It simply says "for additional information and our registry please visit our website" I don't think it's that big of a deal. I've had a few people ask where my registry is anyways. Do what you want, its your wedding!

    • Reply
  • Shesaysyes
    Just Said Yes January 2017
    Shesaysyes ·
    • Flag
    I know this forum is quite old. However, many have missed an important fact: many weddings are STILL hosted by parents so listing the registry is STILL not a personal cry for gifts. My suggestion if you’re worried: list the b parents as the hosts—problem solved


    If not, just list the registry. No one cares except the people sitting on this forum. Besides, OP being Russian is a perfect excuse for a faux pas if her invitation recipients are shallow enough to care.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    A lot of people will think, well aren't they greedy? as soon as they see it with an invitation. Until the explosion of PC and smartphone use, ****, registries were for individual brink and mortar stores.
    And mostly for upscale purchases, the pattern of China, or silverware, big stand mixer or small hand size. Very few gifts on a registry, and anyone who wanted a suggestion, could ask the couple or their immediate family. Otherwise, in general American culture, gifts and money are traditionally not okay to ask for, for yourself or your immediate family. Considered rude. The newer computerized registries did not signal a change manners. Once big and medium stores had enough computer memory, stores started them as a marketing tool. Wow, a wedding present and a shower present, where 50-100 or more people/ families, will all shop for 1 wedding gift, and maybe a shower gift too, at our store, or each of the 2 or 3 stores the B and G choose, a sales Bonanza! The industry has spent hundreds of millions overall pushing the marketing or registries, paying websites and magazines and social media to push having people register for 1.5 times the number of guests , total gifts. And they use advertising planted in movies and TV shows to convince people it is okay to post them online, put them in envelopes with invitations, email them , on and on. That is retail marketing. ----- But overall, people's attitudes have not all changed. Not everyone learns manners from paid TV and media. For most, it is still a basic value that people don't ask or solicit gifts or money from family and friends, except for a catastrophe ( house fire.)
    But day to day things, people who want to give a gift choose how much to spend and decide what a gift should be. Not the recipient. A thing, or money. And if they want suggestions, they ask for them. ---- Sending them a list of things you want without being asked, is seen as mercenary, out for gifts.A Registry is not a shopping list for guests to buy from. It is a list of suggestions, for those who ask for them. Think of it like a phone call. If you want information, you call a company. You may ask for a call or message back. You initiate things, like a gift giver. How do you feel when 5 or 10 companies, or people you know, call you at home or work assuming of course that you want their wonderful product, or to support their charity. Because companies marketing their products have said it is okay to do? In fact, though occasionally they might use what is being sold, most people greatly resent a company or friends and family asking for their time, their money, to do this or that for their benefit. 🙂 I already have 7 weddings this year, 5 graduations of note, 8 close pregnant relatives, as well as scores of birthdays, and kids friends birthdays. It is enough that shower hosts for wedding and baby showers give parties where the point is to give gifts. But that is enough asking by way of sending a registry or a wish list. First of all, let me decide if I want to give a gift. If I know the person well, I may choose something. And if I need help, I will look for a registry, or ask the person to tell me what they would like. The real live person I know and like, or their family. It is the feeling of making a choice to give something, not having something asked of me, over and over. My choice to see a gift, shop if I want, my choice if I ask for help. But people who send registry cards? Weddings, housewarmings, birthdays and graduations, now --- the likelihood of anyone getting things, and what they will get, will be greatly knocked down if I see a registry card. Because I am tired of everyone saying, give me this, give me that, these are all the things I want . As personal and loving as getting and paying bills. And just as distasteful, to me. And to many other people. No one is entitled to gifts from us. Don't contact us with lists anticipating our giving you things. The retail industry is working hard to get out the message that it is okay to send registry cards. Those concerned with manners say, never send an invitation, "please come to my party and oh, buy something off our list! No registry cards, no mention of gifts, in invitations."
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Nope, it's rude to list registries regardless of who is hosting. The point of a wedding is to get married, not to get presents. It's not like a shower, which is a party whose purpose is to give the guest of honor presents. The point of a wedding invitation is to invite people to the wedding, not to invite them to give a present. There should be no mention of gifts in any way on a wedding invitation.

    • Reply
  • Shesaysyes
    Just Said Yes January 2017
    Shesaysyes ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I’ve always seen it on invitations, to be honest. And it’s because most have come from traditional households where they remained in their parents house until marriage. So, the community wants to know what the couple needs to start their life. I had never heard of an invitation not having the information until I saw some forums on the internet.


    However, it sounds like most people in this forum think their own culture and way of doing things is the only way—which is sad since there are so many ways of doing things that you’ve never heard of, but that doesn’t make it wrong.
    • Reply

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