To have an engagement party or not??

Congrats on your engagement! You should only have the engagement party if you are able to. My fiancé' family is thousands of miles away and in Puerto Rico. It is not affordable to travel here for party and then right back for a wedding. Decide together and plan for the best future ahead. Congrats again.

I'm not throwing it myself sorry for not mentioning that...didn't think I had to. Both our mothers have offered but they wanted to know if we actually want one and if so when because they both know he may be leaving some time in April.

Congrats on your engagement! I would say go with your heart on what you want to do! We got engaged 12/10 but we are just now having an engagement party this upcoming Sunday and using that as an opportunity update everyone on us selecting a venue and a date. We aren't inviting a lot of people just people we deal with on a regular! Ultimately it's your day your way

I think that if it won't be too much stress on you guys then go for it! It may be lovely for you guys to celebrate a little before he leaves

I think it would be great, but one word of caution. Everyone invited to the engagement party MUST be invited to the wedding. So make sure you stick with just your VIP's to avoid getting locked in to your guest list too early. Your wedding is in 2020 so a lot of time for things to change.

Congrats!

Go with your heart. We did not have one because 1) it wasn't our style, 2) we got engaged at the beginning of my birthday month and we double hatted the festivities. Didn't cost us a penny.

We didn't have one. We started planning the wedding right away and when we saw how much it was going to cost we decided not to waste the money on an engagement party

You don't throw your own party where people bring you gifts. That's tacky, gift grabby and rude. Clearly you have not lurked enough.

ETA: I missed the word not. My fault and full apologies. But thanks for "jumping down my throat"

APD--she said she wasn't and that both moms have offered to throw it. I understand not reading the comments when there are like 6-10 pages, but come one. There were 10 comments ahead of you. You couldn't read those before assuming and jumping down her throat??

OP- If they are offering to throw it for you and you want your families to meet, I think it would be nice. Since you aren't getting married until 2020, I think it's totally fine to have it after he returns so you don't have to rush! Congrats!

ETA: I admit "jumping down her throat" is probably the wrong choice of words. It wasn't THAT bad. But I do think it was uncalled for considering she said she wasn't throwing it herself.

First of all...congratulations on your engagement and impending wedding. I'm sure the both of you are thrilled.

As for your post, let's take it apart:

1. You don't throw an engagement party in your own honor. Your subsequent post says that you aren't hosting it yourselves, so, if you want an engagement party, go for it. In my personal opinion, I'm not sure I'd do it this year. Your wedding is more than three years away (and that's if you've actually signed a venue contract), so I'd probably wait for another year, but that's me.

2. As far as that friend's wedding is concerned, unless you're an actual BM, I'd suggest you rethink this "honorary MOH" nonsense. It offers you no honor, but requires you to host and fund parties. The idea of an honorary attendant isn't popular on this board. If you're not offended by that label, the majority of us will be offended for you. It's a nonsensical idea that's been floating, without much respect, around the blogosphere, for a while. It has not caught on, but it's still presented as a viable idea. Decline, or be used. Yes, it sounds harsh, but that's only because the position has been exposed for what it is (i.e., no honor at all, but lots of work to make the bride feel like a princess). When you say you volunteered, I don't know what that means, but you have every right to tell the bride that you jumped the gun. She chose the honor attendants she wanted to choose. Let them handle her parties, and if they don't, well, that's what happens when you choose barely legal adults.

3. Sure, the idea of having a dinner introducing your two families is great. Plan away.

I actually disagree about not having the engagement party this year. I had a long engagement. Our engagement party was 3.5 months after we got engaged. The excitement surrounding the engagement was still fresh. It was nice to have something to break up the long planning stages.

Disagreement duly noted.

Thank you all for your advice! I'll take what all of you have said and talk with FH about it I think I'm leaning towards not having an engagement party per say but more a gathering for both sides to get to know each other.

And Rachel

I appreciate your opinion on 'honorary MOH' but I have nothing against it. I'm not actually called that. I'm a bridesmaid but because she's my best friend and I know that she will want to have a bachelorette party that involves alcohol I volunteered to plan because I love her and respect that she wants her sisters involved in the bridal party as MOHs. She and I joke about being an honorary MOH because that's pretty much what it is. I understand that it is not a popular idea but I'm not offended and feel like it is a waste of time to be offended for someone that is not offended at all. I am there for my best friend no matter what and want her to have positive memories of her time leading up to her wedding since it has all not gone to plan so far. I want to do this for her that's what volunteering means.

We had one. My mom hosted one for us. We are having a DW in Shanghai where my FH was born and where most his family lives. I'm glad we had one because we were able to introduce everyone and celebrate with those that won't be able to attend the wedding. Everyone is invited to the wedding, but we just know not many will attend on my side.

I think if you guys can figure out when to have one and it works for your moms or whoever is planning on hosting it for you, then go for it. Its nice to have everyone meet the man you are going to marry before the actual wedding. 2020 you have some time, but I think this April would be to short notice.

If someone has offered, I would try to have one before he leaves!

Instead of doing an engagement party my Fiancé and I thought of a bowling party for our wedding party it was a hit

Lol sorry for not clarifying but the date I have listed is not the actual date we're going for it's just a ball park date. We're thinking 2-3 years cause of his job and I want to obtain my bachelor's or be close to it when we get married. Also to save up money because we want to afford paying for everything ourselves.

karmeka

I think bowling would be awesome. FH loves to bowl, it's actually what we did on our first date but most of our relatives aren't huge fans.

Honorary anything is BS.