To Gift or Not To Gift

@MsLaurenRenee the topic was sending a gift if you are NOT attending the wedding or other event.

^^ Ok... and I said that I've seen people show up to showers empty handed to prove that the etiquette surrounding gift giving in general seems to be lost on people.

99% of the time, I'm sending gifts even if I cannot make it. That's so far in my life experience. I've only been invited to family and close friend weddings thus far. My FH did get invited to a wedding though of a guy he was friend with as a child and literally doesn't speak to. In the 6 years we have been together, they haven't spoken. Weird. He asked if he should send a gift and I said no.

I'd send a gift if I was close, I suppose, but if they send an invite and i can't make it and can't afford to spend on a gift, I certainly would not feel obligated to do so.

I feel if you are invited and cannot attend the polite thing to do is to send a gift or at least a card/money if you can afford that. Obviously everyone's finances are different but nothing says you can't at least send a card wishing the couple well. And if you can afford it money/gift would always be welcome. If I couldn't attend a wedding of a couple I am close with, I would send a gift for sure. I know not everyone I invite would be able to come to my wedding but I don't expect a gift if they don't. Maybe that's not how they do it and that's fine. I only know how I would do it and that's just me.

@MsLaurenRenee it just seems like you were referring to giving gifts at a wedding. Perhaps I misunderstood you. The other responses were based off of giving gifts when you do not attend a wedding.

I always send a wedding gift even if I can't go.

Thank you all so much. And yes, "greenback" is a term for money only please. I think it is tacky.

I show my age when I use terms like that that have gone out of fashion

I went to a bridal shower where at the end, the bride to be's mother and future mother in law took time to count up all the money gifted and then announced it to the shower guests. It was over $6000. The wedding was cancelled right after the wedding invitations were mailed. I often wonder what they did with all that money.

I also always send a gift. I look at it this way - I would like to have attended the shower, and would have brought a gift, but distance or another obligation prevented me from attending. Therefore you should still send a gift in your absence.