To Gift or Not To Gift

Do you have a question?

For me it really depends on how close I am to the person. I don't think it's required at all.

Not seeing a question

I don't agree. I don't send gifts for every invitation I get. I feel like sometimes people send out invitations just looking for gifts. There are many people on here who still send invitations to people who told them they can't come to their wedding. If I told someone I can't come and they still send me an invitation, I am not sending a gift. Also if you sent me an invitation and we are not close, I am not sending a gift.

What is the point of this post?

So, yeah, that's cool. We do much the same.

However, just because you do something, doesn't mean others must as well.

Give because you want to not because you feel you have to. It feels much better.

I'm also confused as to what your point is. Are you just trying to get an idea of what others think about it or...

I believe that it is proper etiquette to send a gift if you cannot attend a wedding. I wouldn't necessarily send a gift for a casual birthday party or something though. I wouldn't count on people who don't come sending gifts, but many likely will. This isn't worth being upset over.

I always send a gift to a wedding or shower, even if it can't make it!

I usually always send a gift if I was invited to an event that I am unable to attend. I think it's the right thing to do. But, as others have mentioned. Everyone does things differently! Carry on and keep doing what you do!

I was just looking for other opinions. I know that times have changed. It was not to complain about the future in laws as mine are not future they are 34 years ago. I don't like their attitude but I still do whatever I feel is right. Perhaps it is generational as I did learn this etiquette many years ago.

I always send a gift as well. Reminds me of a quote I once heard, "Set an example. Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you. Not because they are polite, but because YOU are."

Honeybee, I like your perspective. Too bad everyone couldn't think as you do.

Yes, this is what I was brought up to do. However, if I see a mention of gifts on a wedding invite, you will get nothing.

Gifts are not tit-for-tat, you give a gift always without the expectation of anything in return.

JessieJV - Have you received an invitation with the mention of gifts on it? That would be a turn off for me as well. I don't even like to get a shower invitation that says "green back". That would be one I wouldn't attend and I certainly wouldn't send money. However I have a friend who married in 1974. She wanted a green back shower. Because she was a good friend, I attended but brought a gift not money. She made me take the gift back and credit her charge account (not mine) at the store I bought it from. She got the money anyway.

For me, it depends on how close I am to the couple. If it was close family/friends I would definitely send a gift. If it was a distant relative and or acquaintance I would not send anything.

I was recently invited to a wedding and found it surprising. I am not close to the bride or groom and did not so much as have their phone number. I did not attend the wedding or send a gift. I should add that I think I was B-listed because I received the invite after the RSVP date. I am not sending gifts to people I don't consider close friends or relatives.

I've only been to one wedding as an adult but I did send a gift. I do think this is a point of etiquette that is lost on a lot of people. I've seen people show up to baby showers empty handed before.

If it were "required" that everyone invited send a gift, attending or not, unscrupulous couples could make out like bandits by inviting, say, 750 people from all over the world.

A gift is never "required."

I send a gift if I attend a wedding. I *might* send a gift if I if was invited, really liked one or both of the people getting married, but I couldn't attend.

If it's a close friend, family member, or acquaintance I'm particularly fond of, I'm usually happy to send a gift if I'm not attending the wedding or shower. But that's usually out of affection for the person, not a feeling of obligation.