To Elope, or not......

Yes! I was in this very predicament! I took NO LESS than 2 weeks off of everything wedding-related. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Leave it all alone and come back to it with a fresh mind. It helped me a ton! We get married next month.

If he’s finding something wrong with every venue you show him, then why don’t you have him find some venues. It’s his wedding too.

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I agree! That might help him be more realistic.

I have been in your shoes and felt exactly how you are feeling now. Seriously! For me, I always wanted a nice wedding, but the venues that I liked were too expensive. I even suggested that my fiancé and I eloped, but my mother wasn't having that. Honestly, both of y'all should sit down together and each find venues that are decent and are in your price range. Keyword: together! It's his wedding too and he should help find a suitable place for you both to feel comfortable saying, I Do. For me, I kept looking even when I was losing hope and I ended up finding a place that we both loved. Don't give up! If that doesn't work, then I agree with Ashleigh, maybe you need to take a break and come back with a clear mind of what you and your fiancé want.

I think there is going to be something wrong with every venue. I haven't found one that was absolutely perfect but if you have researched all the venues in your local area you may want to revisit them. Maybe go back through them and get all the information. Including the financials, deposits and etc sometimes that helps. I've toured several venues and i didnt find one that didnt have one thing of concern. However, i did find several that had our main focal points. One thing i did was all the touring and presented my FH with the 3 i liked most and in our budget. After we both toured the three in person i asked him to make a decision. He didn't want to do the online searching, but he was very involved in asking the event planners and coordinators at the venue questions. It allowed him to focus solely on the details of those places. I do believe that you want the wedding and elopement sounds nice because its easy. I kind of feel the same way honestly. But if you still feel the same way after not finding a venue that works then go ahead and do that

Original we wanted in our yard outdoors aswell and then other people came in and wanted and we started looking at other options and with a short time I too became like you. I took week off and thought this is my wedding and I'm not going to blow my budget on a venue I hated. Instead we renting tents took the time to prep the yard the way we wanted. And I know may sound cheesy but got deal on table, chairs and bounce house for our wedding all from say place will be $250. Built our own decor and dance floor for $100 other decor I bought used/on sale. You can do the outdoor wedding you want, if you truly want it. It's your day don't let anyone else tell you what you want. Go Bridzilla on your wishes.. I did and so much happier about it now

I posted something very similar when I first started wedding planning. Personally, finding the venue was the most stressful part for me too (for slightly different reasons). Once this was figured out everything else has fallen into place and I couldn't be happier with our decision.

We decided to have the wedding instead of eloping because I didn't want to regret my decision later. Ultimately, only you know what will make you happy and whether or not you will regret eloping. Whatever you choose to do, take some time to step away and stop doing anything wedding related for a while, you need to take care of yourself right now and get into a good place of mind before you can decide. Once you've had a break then you can fully consider all of your options and decide. Don't settle for something just to be done with it, you will definitely regret doing that. Good luck!

If you are interested in reading more about my venue struggle: https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/courthouse-wedding-or-intimate-celebration/af2ae47559f72a6f.html

Could always sit down with him (in a couple weeks after you let your brain settle) and honestly ask him again about the orchard. Like is he convincing himself it's too much work because of your family and friends griping, or does he actually feel that way?
It's your wedding. If you both love the idea and think you can do it, then who cares what everyone else is saying? If they hate it, they don't have to attend. Have the wedding you want, not what everyone else wants you to want.

I wish we would have chosen to elope at this point! But, my wedding is in 2 months...

--I completely understand your frustrations. And I do agree it would probably be incredibly painstaking, expensive, and difficult to shape up the area properly. We wanted to do lakeside but technically speaking it would have been a pain in the butt.

--We found a venue that had an acceptable date and booked that. It doesn't sound like you're having as much luck.

--We've been to Vegas 4 times in the year or so, so it's a special place for us (also where he proposed). We also would frequent Siesta Key about once a year before we started getting comped in Vegas. However, we had to scrap the ideas of those destinations because his dad has had some health issues and honestly isn't even walking very well, traveling would be a nightmare and we didn't want to succumb him to that because we definitely want at least our parents and siblings there on the day.

With that said.... I had checked into Vegas though and while you think eloping is simple, you can still have a very beautiful ceremony and it's so EASY. Now, it won't be that cheap necessarily but they have a bunch of different packages so you can truly decide how the money is spent based on what is important to you. Easy, customizable, basically like ordering off a menu (here's 5 flower options to pick from, 3 aisle options, 3 different ceremony rooms, etc...).
I personally probably would have went with Aria for a ceremony/wedding because it's an elegant property but honestly just search around and tons of hotels offer them -- so find the one for you. Here is Aria's brochure that I was looking through - it gives you an idea as to how the process and options might look.

MGM Resorts - Aria Wedding Brochure

At the end of the day, you do you. I have surprised myself with some of the things "I've always wanted" and ended up going with something completely different! And am still completely happy and excited with :-)

And agree with the others here--maybe ask your fiance to rank the venue options and break down the aspects you don't like with the top picks. If they're livable then go with it. None of them are perfect. During our planning I joked "If I could have the Manager of this place, in the room of the second one, in the location of the third I'd be all set!" of course eventually we had to choose :-)

If your heart is set on the farm don’t change your mind, obviously have a back up for weather issues. You can rent tent or do whatever you like. At the end of the day it’s you & FH wedding day.

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Girl I was thinking the same thing. Honestly, not everyone is going to agree, and you're going to make some people unhappy, but guess what, it is YOUR BIG DAY, its the one day you get to make all the decisions, granted you're paying. If you want it there, DO IT. Figure out a way to make it happen. If someone isn't happy with it, they don't have to come, or they can come and be miserable, but either way it would turn out exactly how you've wanted it since you got engaged!?!?!

View Quoted Comment Exactly, don’t let someone else ruin your parade. If that’s how you envisioned your big day. Why let someone take that away from you. Regardless a little rain on the wedding day isn’t bad luck lol. That happened to me with my mother in law, I wanted my wedding a certain location & she took that idea out of my head saying it was going to be too expensive, yadada I Let a whole year pass by trying to do it her way and it didn’t work out. I pushed back my wedding date and got the venue I originally wanted. No One is taking that from us again. Obviously I have my back up just in case. But don’t stress it, don’t change your idea unless you want too!

We were in your same spot! We had one location that was FH’s bro’s house and then they wanted to control everything so then we moved it to his mom’s. And then it just became this bundle of stress trying to figure out who to invite and how to keep it affordable etc. We both have big extended families but I’m much closer with my friends and we were worried about how we can be happy and not feel guilty about leaving things out. Additionally, my mom in the planning process decided she didn’t value a relationship with me and it made all of the planning that much harder. (I didn’t grow up with her, but my dad was abusive and so I tried with her but...)

We decided to elope. It felt like “go big or go home” and we didn’t want to spend the money. We decided to elope in Brooklyn since FH’s dad (who just recently passed) is from there. FH still wanted his mom and Bro but the inconvenient of travel for them has caused a lot of drama. They didn’t think we deserved to travel to elope if he wanted them there.

So, eloping has saved a ton of money, even though it’s still a chunck if change for dress, photographer, officiant, etc. and I’m happy to get a meaningful trip out of the decision. But the thing with weddings is that people forget it’s not about them, and either way, elope or not, you will get drama and upset people.

I’d encourage you to take a week or so and just focus on connecting with your FH. And then go back to the farm idea. Get a tent. It sounds like that’s what you really want and people will be critical no matter what you do, so you need to make sure you and FH are happy and do your best to drown out the criticism...

I would go with your original plan but get a tent or have a covered back up area. If you have dreamed of having a wedding- I think you should have one. I would have loved to elope but I love the wedding I had and it was important to my husband to have a wedding. Hang in there- make a list of must haves if you decide to look at other venues.
Also if people are discouraging you- I would keep your plans between the two of you. People ALWAYS have something to say.
Keep your chin up, take the weekend, a week, or even longer to push all wedding stuff aside, go on a sweet date with your FH do something’s you like together.

We are having a private ceremony and a big reception. It's made planning so much easier and even more enjoyable.
Do what will make you happy. Elopements can be so beautiful and intimate and personal.

I was having kind of the same problem. We were scheduled to go look at a venue I liked but would have to do all the work for (set up, breakdown, find catering, etc) and the stress of having to do everything was getting to me. My FH wasn’t in love with the idea and was just going along with it for me saying to just get whatever I wanted. Then I told him that I’m too stressed and suggested just eloping. We kind of joked about it and I started looking into it, but I’ve always wanted an actual wedding with our families. So I found that there are a lot of small venues mostly B&Bs near us that do elopement style weddings with everything included for 10-20 people. My FH loves this idea because we can still have our families and the wedding experience without all the stress so now he is actually giving me input and is excited about our day. The venue we are going with is $1200 for the venue with everything setup, the officiant, cake, and champagne toast for 15 people (extra guests are $15pp). Ours even has the option to have a dinner reception for not a crazy amount more so we will be going with that. It might be worth looking to see if there is anything in your area that is similar. Now I’m so much more relaxed instead of being stressed and worried.

We started to get frustrated with venue shopping after seeing about 8. We ended up taking a long shot with a venue we loved but was just slightly more than we wanted to spend. We called them up, talked to them honestly, and they really worked with our budget! I can definitely see how venue shopping can be disheartening, especially when nothing really lives up to your expectations. While I don't think eloping is a bad idea, from your post it doesn't sound like that's what you truly want. Maybe revist the logistics of your original plan, and look into some non-traditional venue spaces you may not have considered yet?