Courthouse Wedding or Intimate Celebration?

It was way over budget so we didn’t even consider and we kept looking. We finally thought we had found a place that was within our budget and was willing to accommodate us. We met with them on Saturday just to look around again before signing the contract.

Unfortunately, everything we’d been promised during our first visit was no longer available. The coordinator was now offering us a small conference room instead of the main room, she had given our date (that she had agreed to hold) away and we were told that while we could have our ceremony outside a larger wedding would get priority for the outdoor space. Also, the backup ceremony space in case of rain would be used by the larger party and we wouldn’t have access to this. I was very upset and cried the whole way home.

FH and I had dinner with all of parents that evening and I was still upset. We explained the trouble we were having and I’ll admit I was emotional and said I was over it and didn’t want to have a wedding at all. I was upset and I said I refuse to have a wedding where FH and I are going to be treated as second best (to a larger wedding). We also complained about the cost of hosting a wedding and stated we would rather spend this money on something else.

After much back and forth FH and I decided to elope. Our parents convinced us that if we didn’t want to have a wedding to at least get married at the courthouse so they can be involved as it is extremely important to them. Unfortunately, our local city doesn’t offer this so we will have to drive about an hour or so to someplace that does this but, we agreed.

Well, yesterday I get an email from our dream venue listing last minute booking specials. Out of curiosity, I reached out to our contact there and after a bit of back and forth, I was able to negotiate him down to almost half of his original quote and by luck, he is even offering us our preferred weekend to book it. It is an all-inclusive venue and is within our budget, although right at the very top.

I’m so torn now. Do we go out of town with just our parents for a courthouse wedding and dinner at a lovely steakhouse and save money? Or do we book our dream venue and have an intimate wedding? FH is happy with either of these options and just wants me to be happy. I feel silly booking the dream venue less than a week after saying I’m over it all and eloping. FH doesn’t want me to regret it if we do a simple courthouse wedding though. Saving money and just doing something simple sounds less stressful and easier but, part of me wants to have the traditional wedding experience. So, I don’t know what I want at this point.

tl/dr:

What would you wise WW folks choose?

Option 1: Courthouse wedding with parents

Option 2: All inclusive venue with 20 guests and apologize for my emotional meltdown

We're going through something similar. Our guest list is 35. So many venues have crazy minimums.

I'm currently looking into the restaurant private dining room option now.

I say do what you both want and feel comfortable doing.

Honestly, your dream venue came through for you. Take that offer! That's amazing.

Personally, given that the dream venue is an entirely doable option for you, I would completely regret a smaller elopement and always wonder What If.... and I would hate myself for that, probably forever.

If your original dream was to have a little 20 person wedding, then you should have your dream! Especially now with the perfect venue!

ETA: I can't even freaking tell you how many times I have flip flopped about this wedding. It's a ridiculous number. Don't worry about looking bad for changing your mind! It happens. (We went from I have no budget 100 people, to save all the money 20 people, to extravagant 40 people with 3 different venue locations).

Sad to hear those venues made you feel so unimportant. I had a very small wedding and it was just perfect. We had about 20 for the ceremony and 63 total for the reception.

@smox we had considered doing that but, are not sure how/where we would have the ceremony as our local courthouse is not an option. The one we are considering going to with our parents is only open during week days when a majority of our guests are working. I do not want to ask people to take time off and I don't like the idea of inviting guests to dinner when they weren't able to attend the ceremony.

@HisBeauty isn't it so frustrating! Wishing you the best of luck finding something.

I had the best of both worlds. To avoid the obligation of inviting extended family, we eloped at the courthouse on 12/22/16. Now, this weekend on 11/11, we will be hosting a vow renewal for 29 guests at the original venue that we booked. We are only inviting immediate family. To answer your question, I do not regret eloping at the courthouse (with parents and our son) at all. We hired a photographer, I wore my gown, and we treated our parents to a lovely dinner at our favorite restaurant afterward. It was perfect. Very intimate, very emotional, and the private moments shared between just us and our parents and our son was wonderful for us. I remember every detail, and I feel like the luxury of being present in the moment is difficult on a larger scale celebration.

My advice, since your guest list is already where you want it, is to host your wedding at your dream venue. Don't elope first. Although I am very excited for my vow renewal, which will essentially be a traditional wedding except for the ceremony, which will acknowledge renewal of vows versus a marriage, I feel like it is a little less special than if it were our actual wedding day. We eloped to feel less guilt about not inviting more guests who would have been hurt not to be there. It was also rather spontaneous, and had I thought it out a little more, I may not have had the courthouse wedding. But I do not regret it a bit.

We were planning a very large (150 - 200 person) wedding and FH finally so how I stressed I was since I never wanted a wedding in the first place. He finally agreed to cancel our big wedding and elope. We're having about 35 people because there's a few people who are refusing to not be there. We're doing it at a very nice steakhouse that has a beautiful garden leading into our private room. At first FH was very against getting married at a restaurant but once he saw the space and they told him how many weddings they do, he was all for it.

I would look into doing your dream venue first. But if that fails, take a look at some private dining options at restaurants. You might be pleasantly surprised

Eta: we're much happier planning the elopement/small wedding than we were planning the big wedding. We're actually getting a chance to enjoy being engaged and not feeling bogged down with all of the little details that I hated worrying about before. And we're having a party a few months later to invite everyone else but definitely will not be as detailed as a wedding. Maybe you can also consider something like that?

I would go with the dream venue. But also look at restaurants with private rooms and see if you can have your ceremony and reception there. Then you just hire an officiant to come there. There have been some lovely weddings here on WW where people did this and it looked so nice and intimate!

Option 3. Find a B&B or a restaurant that has a small private space. (In NJ/NY, we have a list of about 40 of them....) Have your private ceremony if you want, or do a dinner time one with everyone. Then have a great dinner with flowers, music, a photographer, a dress; bingo; traditional wedding experience without buying into the machine. It's a lovely way to solve the problem; the trick is finding a restaurant that has the space and will book it this far out.

Almost no courthouses do weekend weddings. And almost no venue will give you space on a prime date for a small group. Does it suck? Yes, but they have limited space and dates to sell too. My experience with small groups in places that would rather do big ones hasn't been that great.

It doesn't make it right, but it makes it the way they mostly function.

I'd start calling restaurants in your area; maybe branch out to museums, historic sites, arboretums where you could cater a little lunch.

It'll work out! We love our little restaurant weddings!

Hi! I would say go with your dream venue. It sounds like it's an answered prayer or a sign from the universe. It's okay that you were emotional, completely understandable. Just remember that your decision to elope was very justified but an impulsive one (based on your emotions at the moment). Your decision to choose your dream venue has been planned and calculated for a while now. It's very likely that you'll be happier with that after it's all over. I wish you the very best!! Congratulations!!

I don't think you saying you were over the wedding ties you to an elopement, and I don't think you have to apologize for it either. It sounds like the parents are on board with whatever as long as they're present, and it sounds like you want the all inclusive option. I would make sure you have everything you negotiated with the venue written down in a contract and have all of your questions/what ifs answered in writing before you fall in love with that option, but I would pursue it if that's what you really want.

Go with 2! If that is your dream venue. Going back and forth is natural. I had at least 3-4 different plans before I got to where I booked.

ETA--check out the intimate weddings website... they have venues that openly welcome smaller parties. And the restaurants too as others have said. I googled elopement package and found the place I'm doing mine with 25ish.

We are hosting 23 people including myself and FH.

During the planning process we went though the same thing- the all inclusive venues had too high guest minimums (60 or more) so with some time we found a ceremony venue which is a small vintage Chapel and then for the reception we booked a private dining room at a restaurant. All we had to do was bring in a florist and a bakery for our cake.

I encourage you to look into places like this because it worked out wonderfully for us. Our guests are so excited and are looking forward to our large dinner menu and just over all looking forward to the change of pace compared to a more traditional wedding/ reception.