Timing & Engagement - How Much Should We Talk about It?

I think it's ok to ask what his plans are, it involves your life and you need to know. Make sure you don't make it an ultimatum but let him know your thoughts so he can plan if that's what he wants too

I think you need to ask yourself what it is you want in life and when. Are you willing to end the relationship if your boyfriend isn't on the same page/timeline? If you truly love him, are you willing to compromise on some of these things you want? Would you resent him over time?

These are things I had to ask myself before my now FI proposed. I basically just mentioned one day that it had been on my mind a lot, shared what it is I was looking for, and simply asked that he respected what I want and to let me go if we're not on the same page.

ETA: We had also been dating 11 years at the time, and we're approaching 30 so we're a little younger. I agree with @Zaira on the no ultimatum, but it's still a conversation you need to have with him if it's bothering you.

I would try to have a less hypothetical conversation with him and flat out tell him your concerns and ask him his thoughts. You should be able to discuss this if you are on the path to getting engaged.

I think moving in together is a big step. Personally, I wouldn't move in with someone with only "a strong sense he would like to be with me forever."

I completely understand being anxious and excited. I dated my fiance for 4 years before he proposed. I think a mature conversation is one you need to have, but I also think you should've had this conversation before you moved in together.

FH and I talked a decent amount about our future as we were dating. Shortly after we started dating there was a talk about what we wanted out of life (to make sure we were looking for eventual marriage and kids). And again we talked about it before I moved in with him. We felt it was important to make sure we were both on the same page. There was never really any specifics, or hard deadlines for anything, but we knew we were in it for the long term. I was a little worried about eventually knowing when he'd propose, cause I liked the idea of it being a surprise. I even picked out my ring, but he still managed to surprise me.

FH and I talked about marriage a lot. We both knew early on we wanted to be together forever and were very open about it. He kind of gave me his own timeline when he realized I was getting antsy. I would 100% have an open discussion about it. I would have done that though before he moved in, but that's just me.

You say, "Hey, sweetheart. I am so excited that we've moved in together, and I want to talk about our future and make sure we're both on the same page. Can we sit down soon and do that?"

Be prepared that you may not hear exactly what you want to hear. I DESPERATELY wanted to be engaged to H about 2 years before we actually got engaged. He was adamant that he wouldn't propose until he didn't have to go back to Afghanistan again. But we sat down and talked it out, and I understood his reasons, and he understood how i felt and was respectful of that.

FH and I talked about getting engaged like crazy!! I almost wish I didn't bring it up so much, because he had the ring and the day he wanted to do it, which I didn't know and the morning of the same day he would later propose, I saw a friend on Facebook get engaged. Well I said to FH "oh. Hey. Julie got engaged. Lucky for her" and it drove him crazy since he had a plan !! Haha

How long have you been living together?

You're living together, so it's important that you both know where each other stand on what that means for your future (which includes rough timing). Before my fiance (then boyfriend) moved I in we talked about what the step means (marriage) and I asked him what sort of timeline he was on. Granted, that timeline fell apart, but it was good to have that initial conversation and we could then revisit it when talking about other things. Beyond just marriage it's important to discuss your goals for the next 5, 10, 20 years and how you envision your future (career-wise, financially, personally, family-wise). Keep it an open conversation (no ultimatums) geared around sharing each of your own thoughts on the topic(s).

We have been living together a week... Haha.. (makes me sound crazy, I know)

Before we got engaged, we had MANY conversations about the future and getting married. We didn't set a definite date and there was no absolutes.

I knew the engagement was coming, based on our talks about it, but it was still a surprise when he dropped to one knee under the perfect sunset.

If you're unsure of his intentions, have a talk ASAP. It's better to have feelings be known than to be on two completely different pages. Then, go forward from there. And if you get the answer you're looking for, that he wants you forever, then stop worrying about it! He'll propose soon enough!

I agree with PP's but since you've only been living together for a week.. moving in together usually brings some trying times and will test your patience and committments to each other..

A week!?

Woof.

I'd probably give him a little more time to get used to this change before making definitive plans.

Agree... The move has brought up a lot for us, and I guess that is where my anxious mind goes.

We did talk a little bit about this and said he viewed moving in as a "trial run" ... maybe he would propose in a month, 6 months, or a year. When he said a year, I did say, "Well I kind of have concerns about that long..." Which he seemed to take in. Anyways, I will try to hold tight. I appreciate the comments about talking about it, though. I just didn't want it to be an untouchable topic we never discussed.

My husband and I first discussed timelines after dating ~ 9 months. I knew I wanted to marry him at that point. I'm also four years older than him, and I want at least two kids. To maximize our chance of having kids (since I am in my mid-thirties), I wanted to be married by our two-year anniversary. In contrast, he didn't want to start thinking about marriage and engagement until after dating four or five years. We ended up being married right before our third-year anniversary. I did not give him an ultimatum, but we continued to communicate about our needs for moving the relationship forward. We were both ready for engagement and marriage at the time they occurred.

I would take moving in with each other as just that, moving in together. From a male perspective, I've heard many times that most guys see this for practical benefits which is fine.

I would just enjoy living with him and getting to learn each other first. Moving in with one another is a big step and I personally wouldn't want to add to it until you're comfortable living with one another. Sometimes couples do this to test the waters so there's no harm in chilling for now.

I think you should see if you can live with this person first. You will get to see the real person after living with him/her after a period of time. Based upon my experience and observation, I find some men that the timing and their financial status have to be right regardless of how they may feel about their significant other.

My FH and I didn't move in together until after 7 years together. He proposed after 1.5 years of living together (so by then, we'd been together for 9 years).

He admitted he didn't feel "ready" until after I moved in.

He also admitted he'd had the ring for 3 whole months before proposing! He said he carried it around with him the whole time and I had never even noticed

C, if it takes another year, that stinks but it's not really THAT long to wait. Being together 2 and a half years before a proposal ( I think) is pretty common. I waited 3 years and 2 months.