Tiered wedding or reception

@Rebecca: Just so I'm clear...

Ren faire peeps ARE NOT coming to the formal ceremony/reception with your family and friends?

@La grosera - no they are not. The only few who are those who are part of our BP. The ren faire people we only see once a year (maybe 2x for a few of them) and are mostly acquaintances. The handfasting was more of a fun thing for all of us to get together at the faire, dress up and, well, drink to be honest.

EDIT - and this type of handfasting is more of a ren faire tradition when people meet there and get engaged. You bind your hands together and have to stay that way the whole day. It is more of a fun thing.

@Gymrat Just curious!

Thanks for the feedback y'all!

I'm having a small private ceremony with immediate family and then a big party with the rest of family and friends afterwards. We're calling it a "cheers to the newlyweds" celebration. There will be dinner, dancing and drinks... plenty of favors and treats. Very relaxed and organic. No gift registry! I sure hope the guests understand, my fiancé and I were going to elope but still wanted to celebrate with friends and family.

Cc @OGKat

I technically had a tiered wedding for my first...parents, grandparents, siblings ONLY at the ceremony and then a big reception. Despite being told otherwise here, I think that was all right...we were more than happy to wine and dine and dance with everyone, but my exH wasn't OK with baring his emotions in front of a large group.

Tiered weddings suck.

How many people at the private ceremony?

Oh okay. PHEW. Thank you Jesus.

I thought maybe you were already doing a tiered wedding lol.

Sounds like you're doing one of the types of wedding I described, which isn't poor hosting.

eta: clarity

@OGKat 14, immediate family only.

Yeah, then that's ok! Did you read everyone's responses? THat was one of the exceptions.

@OGKat Yes ma'am I did! I usually just respond to call outs and then thank everyone as a whole...

@Rebecca,

That hand fasting at the ren faire seems fine. The faire is a special event that would have gone on without you & FH there anyway, correct? The hand fasting is wiccan / Pagan wedding tradition that's considered to be the 'focused intent' of the couple to bind their union and commitment (but you already know this). It can be a part of a legal wedding ceremony but without a recognized officiant, it would only be recognized as a commitment ceremony or event.

So having this special event to celebrate your union with ren faire friends isn't a faux pas of the dreaded tiered wedding reception. You're good, m'lady!

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@Kari - yep, it would have. And in the Celtic tradition a handfasting morphed into an informal wedding (or formal engagement for those who couldn't afford a ring for the bride) for a year and a day until the priest came to your town to marry you properly on consecrated ground.

Thank you for reassuring me. I was afraid I did something wrong without realizing it!

@Rebecca, so you're traditionally betrothed! Lol. Congrats!

We are having a private ceremony so not everyone is invited.

@Kari - thanks! I mean since we formally met there (at a mutual friend's memorial service of all things), we didn't want to leave the faire family out. But we only see them like once a year at faire and are FB friends. It was totally fun, and it rained like crazy which is very odd for SoCal.....

I would like to do this, because my church is small and a lot of people want to come. But I decided against it mainly because it is seen as very rude, and if my friend or family member invited me to the reception and not the ceremony, I'd feel kinda conflicted as to why, and it would probably result in me asking/drama possibly getting stirred up. Just not worth it. I would be understanding if they wanted to have like 5 people with them at the ceremony and a huge reception, but not if they had 80 people at the ceremony and 150 at the reception, LOL.

A lot of brides do this to try to save money. The truth it having guests at your ceremony really doesn't cost much, you just need to print a wedding program. The reception is where having guests gets expensive.

I definitely feel like there are exceptions to every "rule"! It depends on your guests and we've presented it in a way where although the wedding is intimate with close family we would still love to celebrate the grand occasion with our family and friends. Sometimes you have to do what you want and that doesn't mean disrespecting others. It's all in how you do it!

I saw the extreme of this recently where a bride wanted to invite 100 of her salon clients to only the post-dinner part of the reception, instead of the few clients she was close to/didn't want hurt feelings. This was in addition to their original 350 guests they were fully hosting.

Glad I read the comments before commenting. Lol

I love the idea of having a wedding ceremony open to the congregation and two receptions, one for the congregation and one for my invited guests. Or even having the wedding ceremony during one of the regular masses and follow that with two receptions. But I’m Catholic and I’ve never heard of anyone doing this at my church...

The cake and punch reception following mass also fits my childhood memories of a donut and coffee mingle after 9 am mass! So cute and retro! But I can understand how it can so easily go wrong, too.