Thinking of a Afterparty or really big engagement party/bbq

You can't invite someone to the engagement party who isn't invited to the wedding. However, it's perfectly acceptable to throw a party/bbq AFTER the wedding to celebrate with people who you couldn't invite to the wedding. Like a "come celebrate our marriage" party.

1. Yes, I would find it odd to be invited to the engagement party and not the wedding.

2. An "after party" confuses me. If you want to cut the guest list, make it just immediate family, like parents, siblings, grandparents. Then have a reception at a later date with the 200 people.

But.. what I don't get is. If you're on a tight budget, why would you throw 2 parties? 1 with 100 people (the actual wedding) and 1 with 200 people (the after party/bbq)? That's a total of 300 people you are hosting, compared to only inviting the 200 people to the wedding in the first place and having basically 100 less people to host...?

I agree with Lucy - how can you afford to have 2 parties, if you can't afford to host them all at the wedding? And yes, it would be very rude to invite people to the engagement party if they're not invited to the wedding.

@Lucy that was my thought too... why throw a party for 100 people and then again for 200 people. If you want to cut costs, have a small intimate wedding and throw a party later. Though it's the reception that costs money, not the ceremony.

Very confused as well. AthenaKay has the right solution with the small wedding (read not 100, like 20) go to a nice dinner after the ceremony then throw a large celebration after the honeymoon.

In my family .... "Intimate" doesn't exists at all... I have over 50 first cousins .. let's say at my baby shower I had over 300 people there. The BBQ was going to be potluck and BYOB because that's our tradition. Nothing won't be coming out of pocket for the "Afterparty" at all

Intimate does exist. That means parents, grandparents, siblings, & best friends. Once you add cousins/aunts/uncles/etc, everyone's guest list would grow.

I'm just going to leave the rest of that alone. lol

I have 50 first cousins as well. And if I wanted to cut costs, I just wouldn't invite them to the actual wedding and throw an after party/reception later. But only one party. Not two. You can have intimate with just your siblings and parents.

Also, you don't throw your own engagement party.

Wait, did this get hid, then unhid?

So if nothing is coming out of your pocket for the afterparty, then you're not actually throwing it or hosting anything. You're just providing a space for people to come hang out. There's nothing wrong with that--but you're not throwing a party. I wouldn't make it about your wedding then.

Other posters are right--anyone invited to an engagement party should be invited to the wedding. Though I know other people have done it, you shouldn't throw your own engagement party either.

Host everyone properly or cut the guest list to the number of people you can afford to host. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just properly host them.

Thanks @Lori ... I appreciate your advice. My family socialize as one big unit we are very close, in the past all my cousins invited me to their weddings. Even though it was very causal they never left out anyone in the immediate family.

Our belief in our family is to include everyone in our immediate family which is about 75 people.

Oh I get it--I come from a huge family as well. Just my immediate family plus aunts, uncles and cousins put our guest list over 100. Not even counting our friends or FH's side of the family.

We made the decision early on that we would rather include everyone we love than to have a super fancy, upscale wedding. But that doesn't mean we're not hosting everyone properly. We're having an open bar, full dinner, and dancing. It's just not at the fanciest venue in town with the best of the best options. We prioritized. You can make it work, but just prioritize what's important to you (having your cousins there vs. having a more expensive venue, dress, meal, etc.) and go from there.

Yes, I get it as well that some families just function that way. Mine does as well, which is why like @Lori, we decided to include everyone. I just wouldn't go with an "engagement party" and you should be fine.

1. If there's an engagement party everyone invited to that must be invited to the wedding

2. Cutting guest list is a good idea

3. You don't "host" a potluck. Have a 4th of July BBQ this year then, everyone can meet FH if they haven't, and it won't be about the wedding. Don't make it about the wedding, an engagement, etc.

You're absolutely right... I only spent 1/4 of my budget for my wedding attire. Everything came up to $400 dollars including alterations. I'm just having problems for the reception. NYC is really expensive and Im just trying to find the right venue to have it at. Hopefully this weekend I will find my venue

Wait you want to host a party for 100 people in NYC for $1,200....That is $12/pp

I think she meant she spend 1/4 of her dress budget, so she did good. If I'm wrong though.. then yeah she's in trouble.

@Emmy No not at all ... Im talking about my budget only for my attire ... Like my gown, veil, shoes etc.... smh -_-