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Savvy June 2013

Thinking about uninviting my mom to the wedding...

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littlewed13, on April 15, 2013 at 9:30 AM

Posted in Planning 25

So my mom suffers from mental illness; officially, she is diagnosed as bipolar, but I think it's more like borderline personality disorder. She had a traumatic childhood, etc. etc., and over the past 10 years or so our relationship has basically reversed so that she's the child most of the time and I'm doing the parenting. A couple of years ago, even before I got engaged, I started to try and draw boundaries (please don't talk to me about all of these problems, please see a therapist, etc.) and she started to lash out at me. Then we got engaged and everything about the wedding was about HER. She suddenly wanted to play the "mother of the bride" role, but that felt so unnatural as she hadn't really been a mom to me in years. Everything that I HAVE tried to involve her in she's sabotaged in some way (i.e. she picked a b.s. fight with me and my maid of honor 2 days before the dress fitting she had set up for me - which was like her only task). (CONTINUED)

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25 Comments

Master May 2014
CeCe · on April 15, 2013 at 11:45 AM
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I actually just recently re-invited my brother to my wedding because I realized that I only have one big brother and I would truly miss seeing him. I did however enlist my cousin's husband and ex-military drill sergeant to watch him all night and make sure he is on his best behavior and not drinking.

Good luck to you! Wish I could offer more advice, but seriously whichever way you decide is right/
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Savvy June 2013
littlewed13 · on April 15, 2013 at 12:44 PM
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Thanks for all the advice, ladies... that is what i'm trying to figure out right now, is it worse to have this stress and basically reward her terrible behavior by having her there, or to go without having my mom at my wedding which breaks my heart. i think if i made the decision to uninvite her, i'd be very sad but i'm not sure i would regret it, if that makes sense. it's so hard to know how you will feel on a day that is not like any other day in your life! she has just been so impossible, it seems like no matter what i try (being understanding... ignoring... trying to just talk with her when she's being nice and ignoring when she isn't... giving her something to do... not giving her something to do...) nothing seems to help. the therapist basically says even though she's sick, that still doesnt give her a right to hurt the people in her life.
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Just Said Yes October 2018
Dominique · on September 17, 2018 at 6:56 AM
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Hello, I have a similar situation and am just curious as to what you actually ended up doing for your wedding in regards to your mother?
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Beginner June 2018
G. · on May 7, 2024 at 10:08 PM
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Bring a caregiver for her. You will regret not having her at your wedding.... it will be a decision you can't do over, can't make right, ans will suffer additional issues with.

Invite her with a caregiver.
If your children see this, they may uninvite you from their wedding, and that won't be good
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Beginner June 2018
G. · on May 27, 2024 at 1:13 AM
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Well, I'm a mom and I was just uninvited. Maybe my son and his fiancé are OK with it, but alter a year of planning, getting no feedback, and now I'm uninvited my feeling is my son really slapped me in the face, and our relationship going forward will be on very rocky terms.

Before you uninvite your patents yo your wedding make sure you will never need them in your life again. My son isbin for a very rude awakening. The door closes and locks the say he marries.
It's time for me to raise myself
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