Okay ladies, so I started reading a book. I am about half way through it, and honestly....I think it's great and provides some much needed perspective. BUT I also know it can be quite controversial in this day and age. However, you'd have to read it for yourself to see just how it explains everything. The title of the book isn't as "anti-feminism" as you might think. It's pretty empowering actually, but in a vulnerable way.
Backstory: I was raised by a very strong single independent woman. I did not have a good male role model in my life, and I definitely didn't have a great example of marriage to learn from. As a result, I have been conditioned to always have control. And I mean control everything: finances, schedules, work, house duties, etc. EVERYTHING! As a result, I am easily annoyed & get frustrated when things aren't up to MY standards. And that has turned me into a sort of nag and always having a negative response to things, even when I don't realize I am doing it. In short, my brain only sees what isn't being done, versus being grateful for what is being done. As a result of being such a strong independent woman, that doesn't need anyone to take care of me, I have given up the one thing that my marriage truly needs: intimacy. Well, in order to be intimate, you have to be vulnerable, trusting, and grateful. That sure is scary for someone that always needs to be in control!
What this book has taught me so far is that in order to gain the intimate / romantic marriage I desire, I have to give up control. Talk about total brain re-wire! Because it has always been in bedded into my brain to be strong and independent and never put myself in a vulnerable situation. Anywho, another result of this need of control, is I am BURNT OUT. By having to constantly be in control, I am lacking self care and taking on too much. I am also subconsciously telling my husband that I do not trust and respect him.
So, I just wanted to share this with all you married (or soon to be married) women out there, in case it could help someone else out. In the way that it has shown me some perspective into my own faults, lack of self care, constant need to control (whether consciously or subconsciously) , and what I can control vs what I cannot control.
