The more weddings i see... the less i want it

I’ve never liked weddings or wanted one, yet my fiancé wanted one so bad. He was married before at the courthouse and wanted this special day. So tell me why I am doing 100% of the planning and going broke over this? I definitely feel you!

You are right in the aspect that weddings generally have the same traits even if the colors or whatever options to them are different. but that's where the fun part is to you - it's what you make of it. If you don't want the traditional reception then have a fun house party or bbq or whatever you like to do. My friend told me when/if she gets married she would just want to have a bunch of food trucks there and a casual party. It's all in what you envision.

I feel this way, and this is my first. Fiance wanted the whole shebang so I went along with it.
Venues use the same batches of vendors so everything looks the same and it's all white and fluffy. It's almost depressing. My friend spent easily 2x the amount of money I will and because our wedding is in the same place the photos will likely look the same, it's crazy you can drop so much money on stuff you hardly notice.

Hahaha. I think I love you.

My theory on the whole thing is to pick out the important parts, and throw the stuff I don't like out. Goodbye bouquet and garter toss, and white dresses. Hello taco bar and s'mores bar. I've banned the songs A Thousand Years and Single Ladies from my wedding.

I think it's smart to carefully consider everything you *don't* want or just don't care about for your wedding. That way you can focus your effort and money on the things that *do* matter to you and your future spouse and ignore the rest. There are very few things that are actually required (basically, two people to get married, a license, and an officiant); the rest is icing.

I was a catering server in high school so I saw hundreds of weddings. This absolutely helped me hone in on what was and wasn't important to me and made wedding planning very simple.

There's nothing wrong with not wanting a "run of the mill" wedding. Stepping out and having something different, doesn't and won't mean your wedding won't be amazing! I think if you have a vision for what you're wanting, then DO IT! Have the wedding you WANT, because that will be what you enjoy.

Hahaha I hear ya! I don't like the idea of "being a princess" either. I'm honestly not a romantic person at all, nor cheesy.

The more I plan I'm like ... what have I done lol!? You should do whatever you want, who cares about the traditional wedding. You could get married while skydiving. lol!! Not very helpful, but I completely understand what you mean, and yet my wedding is very traditional lol.

I'm not sure you meant it this way, but your post comes off as being really condescending. Everyone gets to choose what their own wedding looks like. So include what you like, and ditch what you don't. No need to bash someone's wedding because it is, as you put it, "generic."

View Quoted Comment Omg this! I have to laugh because so many people get so hype over weddings. People tell me "can't wait", I'm like why? My mom told me the other day "I just want everything to be perfect for you." I'm like that's cute but it's not a big deal. We are doing away with a lot of the traditions because they make me uncomfortable. We will have good music, food and booze. Who cares about the rest.

Stop looking at other weddings and plan your day. Wear whatever color you want. Serve whatever food/ dessert you want. Carry your pet (cat/dog/bird...) instead of flowers. The only person requiring you to do what you see at other weddings is yourself. Change your mind and plan your day.

I feel you on so many levels. This will be my 2nd marriage and my fiance's first. Although I'm low-key anti wedding, I would like for this one to be more than courthouse. We thought of eloping and then a couple places we really cared about didn't work out. My mom wants to help pay for a full blown wedding and I'm just like blah about it.

If we do that, we're not going crazy cause we definitely don't have the money to do so but if it'll make my mom happy and we don't go into debt, I'm not complaining lol. The planning is the worst though. Thankfully, she helps with that as well. I'm over it but at the same time, I'm just ready for something to happen and get it over with.

I feel you! The more weddings I went to, the more I added to my "we are definitely not doing it this way" list. I saw it as a learning opportunity to get ideas and learn from others. I was almost always excited to get invited to weddings when I was engaged so I could see what others are doing without scouring Pinterest all day. Sounds like you aren't the traditional bride which is awesome! Staying true to yourself and what you are into is so important! Skill the frilliness and do what you love!

View Quoted Comment I'm laughing at this. I had a friend carry their pet rooster as the ring bearer!

Yeah I'm definitely not trying to be condescending more of an "Uhh... is this all we got?" kind of thing lol. Totally non-traditional here. Lots of kids, lots of balloons but don't want a circus either. Although that sounds kind of fun when you think of it. I think what I more "want" is more what I want people to feel. I want people to feel like we're genuine, that they can have fun, that they don't have to worry about things not going perfectly for us. I want them to feel our love that we have for each other and for our family and friends. It's hard to create a party based on a feeling it seems.

Have you browsed Offbeat Bride? LOVE that site for non-traditional ideas!

My hubby & I aren't traditional either. That's why we went for a pirate reception at our DW. Yes, we did a somewhat traditional ceremony but we designed a reception that felt fully creative, non-weddingy, and so us. Skeletons, fireflies, pirate accordionist, props, pirate reception outfits, no white cake, no first dances, no DJ, no flower centerpieces. Plenty of food, booze and unusual decor for all. Neither one of us teared up during our vows, but we got teary seeing our non-traditional reception all set up. Our guests loved it. Very us. Here are a few pics with DIY decor tips:

Can you rock a themed event so it feels "less wedding" and more like a "fun party" that you both would enjoy????

I totally understand. Second wedding here and I'm just blah about the whole thing. Lol

View Quoted Comment Yeah I’ve seen offbeat bride definitely some food ideas there. And we are doing a theme event in a way. We both LOVE the movie Up. So we’re doing a theme around Ellie and Carl Fredrickson. Traditional ceremony with a fun party sound great lol.

Traditions and rules are made to be broken. My husband and I have been to so many weddings where people went by the book. It should be a celebration of your love and do what you seem is fit.
Before we got engaged we kicked around an idea of a brunch wedding since we make breakfast for each other every day before going to work and it's our favorite time together.
We talked about our favorite weddings we were at-- his was a wedding that was meant to be outdoors under a tent and it ended up having lightening storms and the couple rolled with it and got married in a garage and it was the best time ever since everyone was close and having a good time.
We talked about our biggest pain points with weddings-- waiting all damn day, being quiet when you want to say hi to people, waiting for the ceremony, a bit of emotion and savoring that love, waiting for the cocktails and food and dancing, not enough dancing and then not spending time with the bride and groom.
We completely flipped everything around.
We started the day early at 11:30am. We had a small wedding party with his brother and my best lady and had all our photos done and first look before the actual wedding. We arrived to the party with everyone so the party started immediately with drinks and food in hand. After everyone was toasty and full of breakfast foods we replaced the stationed food table with a small platform stage centered in the middle of the room. We played the space Odyssey 2001 song that's both epic and gets people riled up while being a bit nerdy. People were encouraged to clap and holler. We had our officiant welcome everyone, the best man gave his toast for two minutes, then the maid of honor for her to minutes. My vows and my husband's, and that closed out the ceremony as the music dropped and dancing immediately started. People were able to have beers from buckets or during the ceremony and desserts were available. We started the dance party by playing clips of songs for the mother son dance and father daughter dance, first dance, then calling out people we went to college with, people we worked with, siblings, aunts uncles and cousins and extended family, all guys, all girls, and finally everyone. This broke the ice so nobody had to wait to get their first dance out of the way and everyone danced until the venue closed.
No stuffy church or waiting to socialize, no flower girl or ring bearer, no seating charts, no large wedding party with drama and obligations, no garter toss or bouquet toss, no photobooth, no cake cutting, no precessional, no grand exit.
Just comfort, joy, and sheer love and celebration.
Figure out what you both want and be true to yourselves. I will say it helped that it was truly a joint effort and collaboration with my husband and staff that were open minded and truly understood our vision.
People have said it was the most fun wedding, non traditional but felt very authentic and we were completely enjoying our day and really in it, it felt easy and everyone knew each other since we had a welcome lunch just 24 host before to get everyone on schedule. People said it was the most they've ever danced at a wedding.
Prioritize and scrap what doesn't feel right.

A dessert room would be so expensive. Do your wedding how you want.

I’m with you omg. Second wedding, his first and he wants the whole thing. It’s so stressful and expensive.
We aren’t being traditional in many ways. Absolutely NO WHITE! We are metalheads and lean towards goth. Everything is black, eggplant and burgundy. My outfit included.
Having cheesecake, and all our food from Costco (pizza, Mac n cheese etc.) tons of kids, lawn games, board games, photobooth and a love heavy metal band at the end of the night.
While this big wedding was his wishes and not mine, I was adamant on keeping it authentic. He wanted the crap like bouquet and garter I refused. Want fun, not awkward crap.
were also older and all the pomp and tradition just doesn’t fit.
But at the end of the day, this is a production/performance or what have you. It’s about entertainment and appearances and it seems so fake to me.
If I could go back I’d flat refuse the big wedding. After all the stress that’s happened I think he would agree.