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Mrs.Wife
Super October 2017

The flower girl's siblings...

Mrs.Wife, on November 11, 2016 at 2:49 PM

Posted in Planning 34

Please tell me if I'm overthinking this. I know it's too early to finalize the wedding party but FH and I have pretty much known who we want in every role since before we were engaged. We decided that around Christmas, we will ask his 3year old cousin to be our flower girl. The issue is, she has two...

Please tell me if I'm overthinking this. I know it's too early to finalize the wedding party but FH and I have pretty much known who we want in every role since before we were engaged.

We decided that around Christmas, we will ask his 3year old cousin to be our flower girl. The issue is, she has two older siblings one of which has begged us to be a jr bridesmaid. I have made it clear we aren't having jr bridesmaids and only want 1 FG, but this is still a topic she brings up every time we see her. To make it worse when she asks, FH tells her "maybe" and/or that she should ask me. (He feels bad for telling her no)

Would it be rude to go ahead and ask her sister to be our FG? Or should we go a different direction? I feel like this would put their parents in a tough spot. Having to explain that we don't want her, but we want her sister.

This seems so minor but I've been stressing for months over this. I don't want any animosity with my new family. Any parents dealt with this before?

34 Comments

  • Holly
    Super February 2017
    Holly ·
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    @JessieD, I think if she is THAT excited about it, she will behave. It will give her a chance to act more adult-like. She might surprise you.

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  • Melissa
    Master March 2018
    Melissa ·
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    She's 13 and the younger sister is 3? I'm sorry she needs to learn she can't always get what she wants. I'm the youngest of 4 girls and I was a fg many times when I was really young and none of my sisters were included. No one cared, it's just how it worked. I personally think kids have too much entitlement these days. Not trying to sound like a cynical asshole. But maybe talk to the parents first and see how they feel about it with the way you originally want. If they are uncomfortable, move on.

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  • Kathleen Smith
    Kathleen Smith ·
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    Hi JessieD. I read your OP and came right to posting. I think the parents of the children should have stepped in already and told the FG's sibling to stop pushing. I can TOTALLY understand where her constant asking would become stressful. Of course you don't want to hurt her feelings but I also think the parents should respect your decision, take her aside and tell her to stop asking. If they won't do it, then by all means you have every right to do it. Come right out and tell her parents what your plans are and you need their help in letting the sibling know.

    Now I'm getting personal : does this sibling always act this way when she doesn't get something she wants? At some point she will have to realize that everything isn't about her. OK ... done.

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  • B
    Super June 2017
    Brandi ·
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    That's tough

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  • Mrs.Wife
    Super October 2017
    Mrs.Wife ·
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    @kathleen FH entire family is out of state. But we see them 5-6 times a year. Since we aren't around all the time I'm not sure if this is how she acts on a normal basis. She isn't bad. But I do know she gets into trouble for this kind of stuff. Being told no and then carrying on after the fact.

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  • Elizabeth
    Master December 2016
    Elizabeth ·
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    Why do you need a flower girl? I get that it's nice, but it certainly shouldn't outweigh breaking a little girl's (your family now) heart. Don't pit the siblings against each other. I don't think any mother in her right mind would allow her daughter to be your flower girl when she knows her older daughter will be crushed. I certainly wouldn't and I would think it was very rude of you to even ask, knowing how much it means to my older child.

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  • The Trap Selena
    Master March 2016
    The Trap Selena ·
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    If they were like 3 and 5, I'd say you definitely should include both to spare feelings or have neither. But one is 3 and the other one is 13? I think she's old enough to know that she can't always have what she wants and that it's nothing personal against her.

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  • Mrs. Knolle
    Master July 2016
    Mrs. Knolle ·
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    If your budget is the concern, we found beautiful flower girl dresses for our wedding on Amazon for around $25.

    P. S. We had 2 FGs and 3 RBs in our wedding.


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  • Mrs.Wife
    Super October 2017
    Mrs.Wife ·
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    I keep remembering a story my mom told me about the kids in their wedding. She let siblings in and then a cousin got upset. So she let the cousin in and it got to the point that one family member actually showed up with their child in a rented tux because he had decided that week that he didn't want to be left out with either. They didn't even ask if it was ok.

    My parents ended up with a bridal party of like 22 because they were trying not to hurt feelings. Lol.

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  • Mrs.Wife
    Super October 2017
    Mrs.Wife ·
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    I don't think that would happen to us. But I thought it was a funny story.

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  • Seale
    Master November 2017
    Seale ·
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    I just read through the comments. The 13 year old is old enough to know that you don't always get everything you want. However, I would discuss it with the parents. See what they think. You've said she's gotten in trouble for carrying on about the fact after being told no on things so there may not be an issue from the mother about asking one and not the other. Someone else suggested she could do a reading at the wedding to give her a task that makes her feel involved.

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  • Mrs.Wife
    Super October 2017
    Mrs.Wife ·
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    @Mrs. Knolle I've taken this into consideration and think we may go the route of getting dresses from Kohls. They won't be official flower girl dresses. But they will be affordable enough to let everyone in. I'm doing mismatch bridesmaid dresses (their choice or any short blush, rose, or champagne dress) so I found this one that I think would work for a jr bridesmaid. I think she could wear a 0 or 2.


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  • Blair Waldorf
    Master October 2017
    Blair Waldorf ·
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    I definitely understand not wanting to hurt the 13 year old's feelings but at the same time it is important to teach kids they don't get everything they want, that is how entitlement happens. Also, you haven't actually mentioned the middle girl or even her age. She may not even want to be included so it could still be 2.

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  • N
    Master December 2016
    Nancy ·
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    Let her be the Jr. Bridesmaid. Her role is minimal at best and it will keep peace in the family. If I had one kid asked and not the other I would decline .

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