That dreaded comment

I don’t understand why anyone would think that is funny. It’s rude AF, and I’m glad you called her out on it.

I am having the opposite problem. I purchased my dress right before the pandemic hit, and we had to reschedule (twice). I have now had my dress for two years, and have put on nearly 50 pounds during this lockdown, and the dress is nowhere close to fitting me anymore. And yet, everyone just keeps telling me not to worry and it’ll all be OK. Meanwhile, I am completely stressed and freaking out internally, and all these dismissive comments are not helping. Like, I am sure everyone is just trying to be supportive and keep me from freaking out, but really it’s just annoying the crap out if me and making me feel unseen/unheard.

View Quoted Comment I've been having a hard time lately with comments and stuff like this is making me not even want to go with the dress I picked anymore. It's a form fitting mermaid with a keyhole back. But I can't let people get to me or im gonna go back in the same cycle I did. I came so far to go backwards.

View Quoted Comment I feel you on the unseen/unheard feeling. This stupid pandemic is causing issues. But I feel you girl. I hate that weddings bring out all these feelings to put pressure on us. I hope everything works out girl.

I’m really sorry you experienced this. I’d tell her flat out that the comment has since been bothering you and it’s inappropriate to comment on others bodies. Let her very directly know that is not okay with you.

View Quoted Comment Well unfortunately I work with the elderly in an assisted living. I told her in front of residents since she did it in front if them. She laughed it off and proceeded to reach down and pat my thighs and say they getting big girl. I had to walk away. The violence in me was about to come alive and I was not ok.

View Quoted Comment The fact that this person put her hands on you is even more acceptable than her comment. You need to report her to management/HR.

Unacceptable*


I wish we could edit on mobile.

View Quoted Comment Yea I'm currently doing everything my power tonight to avoid her. I feel the anger boiling in me, before I say anything.

View Quoted Comment I hear you on the wedding pressures! I guess Sometimes people think they are being helpful or funny, but really they are just being damaging. I just try to remind myself that they have the best of intentions (even though I am secretly fantasizing about flicking them as hard as I can in the nose when they say these things 😆)

View Quoted Comment Unfortunately if it wasn't for the fact she said the same thing to another coworker. Who is struggling to loose weight to go into the military. I would drop it and not even blinked an eye. But its the fact she thinks this behavior is ok and that she is being funny. She said it to the other girl a couple of months back, I watched her just walk off with tears in her eyes. I had to say something this time. I just can't deal with other peoples opinions lately. Usually have a thicker skin then that but not these last couple of weeks.

View Quoted Comment SAME EXACT thing happened to me! I ended up fitting into my dress. If your goal is to lose your pandemic weight, I believe you can achieve that!

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I sure hope so! Did you end up altering your dress, or did you lose the weight?

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Oh lord, I'd have been arrested for elderly abuse right about now lol. Unfortunately, I think you have to just avoid her and let it go unless you want to make your work life complicated People suck sometimes!

I saw my grandmother in September, after over a year because of the pandemic, and one of the very first things she said to me was "my, you have put on weight again, and you looked so nice before..." And then she proceeded to tell me about how it would be better for me to get an A-line dress, so that my hips wouldn't be as noticeable. And THEN she finished it off by insisting that I try her cake 😂 old people make no sense. But the comments have gotten to me, and I've been back on WW since then. Truth is, it's hurtful, but what makes it worse is that she was right and I knew it.

I cannot believe family members would make those comments to you, given your history. I am very sorry to hear that.
Your coworker needs to be reported. It is not okay to make comments about people’s bodies in the workplace and she needs to be reported to HR/your manager, whoever is better poised to take action to make her stop.

As someone who does HR- her touching you and the comment made about your body is abusive and not okay in any situation. Report her immediately.

She bullied you. That's bullying and should not be tolerated in any setting but particularly not at work. HR needs to know she's making unsolicited comments about coworkers bodies. I'm glad you stood up for yourself. These types of people love to gaslight with the old favourite "I was only JOKING, can't you take a JOKE?". That's also abusive.

First, I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your coworker was inappropriate and HR should get involved. Regardless of her being older or meaning it as a joke she has established a pattern of work place harassment by saying these things to you and your other coworker. You are definitely not alone, I became fast and close friends with a neighbor this past year, I also gained about 20lbs during this time. After I went dress shopping she asked to see a picture of me in my dress so I showed her (lesson learned, not showing anyone else until the wedding day). She then proceeded to ask me what I was going to do about my weight gain. I explained that while I have gained weight I tried on dresses in my current size and bought my dress at my current size because I love it and it fits my body as it is today. It was super out of my comfort zone to tell her this as I normally don't like to speak to anyone but my Dr or FH about my weight and she still acted like she couldn't believe I'd get married at the weight I am at and like it was some sort of tragedy. Needless to say, I was dumbfounded and hurt. I'm spending an arm, a leg, and all of my patience on a diy garden wedding so I decided I didn't have the time or sanity to continue sharing wedding info or a friendship with this person. Also, a family member made a "joke" that I looked like I could be pregnant because I gained weight, was not thrilled about that. My thoughts are that if people want to comment on my weight or eating habits then they may either have some of their own internal issues with body image/ food or have a lack of respect for boundaries. It's their problem, not yours. What you experienced is horrible but definitely a reflection of who your coworker is, not you. Don't let her bring you down too much, being engaged is an exciting time of your life! Best of luck ❤️

View Quoted Comment The truth always hurts but I've learned old people have no filter. Im sorry that that happened to you