Thank you note question

NJgirl we had a groomsman not give us a gift because money was tight- he actually told us this because he felt bad about it. Seeing as he had just spent $ on flying to our wedding, renting a suit, etc. it made sense & we obviously told him it was nothing to worry about & we were just happy he was there with us. So not the majority of people, but some definitely do!

Isn't the point of the thank you note to thank them for a gift? No gift means no note. It seems awkward to write a note to thank them for attending a wedding. Like someone mentioned earlier, some people do send gifts after the wedding.

GymRat, people said that you don't have to greet each guest? That's 100% wrong. Hosts absolutely have to make an effort to greet each guest and thank them for coming, either by table visits or receiving line.

I'm crying Rebecca because I don't want to LOL!!!! I KNOW that sounds horrible. I'll do a receiving line - get it out of the way in the beginning. I just get anxiety. ugghhhh

@NJgirl - I have a relative who hasn't worked a day in her life because of a disability (she can, she just chooses not to). She has two kids as well. I think most of her income comes from the state. I honestly don't expect her to give us a gift and I wouldn't care (in her case). It's probably why her father gave me a check in a nice amount - I think he was anticipating it and paid ahead of time for all of his kids ha.

I'm with Rebecca on this one. If I went to a wedding and didn't bring a gift (and not in a million years will I do that, I always give gifts).. then I think it sounds gift grabby if I later get a thank you note.

Sounds more like

"Thank you for eating our great food and drinking our booze and dancing to our music provided by our DJ and 'forgetting' to give us a gift...we were soooo happy to see you dancing all night long and having a great time on our dime"

I would still send a thank you note to people who attended and didn't give a gift. They took time to attend and possibly spent money (out of town guests). I would say something like "Thank you for coming to our wedding. It was everything we hoped it would be and your presence was appreciated on our big day!"

Thanks everyone for the suggestions

We didn't send thank you's to people who didn't give a gift. There's no point- the reception was your thank you to them for attending your wedding ceremony. Also, I think a thank you to someone who didn't give a gift could be misinterpreted as a subtle dig that they didn't get you a present.

I posted a thread like this just a few days ago and got the same mixed views. Now, I'm not sure what to do. I was originally going to send a card to everyone but now I'm like maybe not. I wasn't trying to be passive aggressive. We had an out of town wedding that people had to pay for travel and lodging and we wanted to thank everyone but maybe we will stick to those that gave gifts. We said thank you to about half of our guests. We never made it around to everyone unfortunately. Every time we tried we got pulled for cake cutting or something like that.

@NJgirlinATL at my wedding we had about 30 couples not give. I'm not in anyone's pocket and I didn't have a wedding for gifts but wanted to say it can happen...I'm married and had a great day so i'm happy and grateful to everyone for traveling and to those that could give :-)

Just as others have said you only give a thank you card to those guest who gave you a gift of some sort. I bet this will save you a lot of time now that you know!

So wait, you only send thank you cards to people who gave you a gift? That sounds absolutely crazy to me. I plan to send thank you cards to everyone who attends our wedding. If they give a gift, they will be specifically thanked for what they gifted, but everyone will receive a hand-written thank you. I guess this falls under the category of UO, fine with me.

Miss Manners says you needn't thank people who gave no gift-- you hosted *them*, after all. Still, "thank you for sharing our special day" can't hurt, and if a gift was misplaced, they'll know it cause they did get some sort of thank you note.