Terminally ill parent - torn between just being in her last days or planning an intimate wedding

That seems like an impossibly impossible situation. I think you really need to leave the opinions of your family alone and seriously discuss and think of a plan that will honestly make you and your fiancé happy. I could tell you what I would do but that wouldn't make your decision any easier because we are not the same. I honestly would be devastated if my mother wasn't apart of my wedding day and would want to do everything possible to have her there. If I for some reason lost my mom before my wedding, there would be piece of sadness on that day that couldn't be filled. I'm so so sorry you are going through this. I couldn't imagine dealing with this when it is supposed to be such a happy time. Prayers!

Kara -- I'm so sorry about what you're going through. I agree with Lezlie's comment. You and your fiancé should talk about it, just the two of you. Maybe you can host a reception at a later time so that you have sufficient time to plan what you want?

Follow your heart on this, but consider having a private ceremony with her and a vow renewal and reception later.

A friend of mine had a similar situation back in the fall. They ended up having a very private ceremony in their living room next to the hospital bed with all their parents. A pastor even came from their church to perform it. Then a couple months later they had the full wedding and reception they had planned.

Good luck and I'm so sorry for what you guys are going through.

I'm so sorry you're going through this :-( It's heartbreaking. I agree with Lezlie... you and your significant other have to decide what's best for both of you. If it's getting to stressful (for you guys and/or for your future mother in law) mentioning the idea of having a wedding in the very near future, you have to weigh that stress compared to waiting until later to get married and the possibility of her not being there. No one can decide this for you. Plan and do what your hearts tell you to, and just cherish these last moments with your future mother in law and family < 3 *Hugs to you!*

@Kara like other PP said follow your heart. Im very sorry you and FH are going through this. What about just having your parents and his parents there when you guys are ready and then a big reception later on.

What was your original date?!?

Also my mom works with paients that have cancer and gives chemo. So my <3 is with you guys. *big hugs for both of you*

I am so so sorry for what you all are going through. If it is important to you, your FH, and his mother to have her witness your marriage you could get married at the hospital or her home in a private ceremony, and then go on to plan a vow renewal/wedding celebration later. We've had other members do this due to similar family situations, with short and sweet private ceremonies that can be extremely touching and beautiful. You wouldn't have to sacrifice anything from your celebration day either just because you'd already be legally married, you could still plan the event the way you wanted with the dress and flowers and whatever you'd like. You could even walk down the aisle and do a ceremony, just with different words.

Whatever you choose we'll be here to support you and help out.

Thank you all for your honest thoughts. It means a lot. We had not set a date yet, knowing there were so many unknowns. Her immediate family are currently trying to get her to her home, 3 hours away per her request. I believe she is content with us waiting, but for us, I feel I need to do something, while not crossing the line of trying to make these last precious days about us getting married. The majority of stories I've read, the bride and groom have done a small ceremony or blessing with their ill parents. I'm 100% on board with doing that, but don't want to take away from her family mourning. When she makes the trip home, I will be persuing a small ceremony with just our immediate families. Right now at the hospital, in the hospice room, it just doesn't feel right or appropriate to us.

As someone who lost a parent to a terminal illness, I would say, just use this time to be present to her.

She will be with you in spirit for your wedding day.