Telling Your Bestfriend she is not the Moh??

I would never not make my closest friend my MOH just because she's not a party planner. Relationships are more important to me than optional parties. In this case I guess I would just be honest, "I want someone to throw parties for me and I don't think that you'll do that, so I decided not to make you my maid of honor."

I picked my MoH based on who is closest to me, not who would plan the extra parties around a wedding. I would say if she’s truly you closest friend and you want her as your MoH pick her! Their are other people (bridesmaids, family members) who can help her the other stuff.

I chose my MOH based on my relationship with her. Not what she would do for me.
I guess I'd just be blunt and let her know that although you love her, the fact that she cant throw parties for you is more important.

I’m kind of having the same issue right now. She has been my best friend since I can remember but she hasn’t helped me do a single thing for the wedding and seems like she couldn’t care any less to be a part of it

I do understand where you are coming from because I love my bridesmaids but none of them are exactly the organized type. But at the end of the day they were all chosen because I cannot imagine anyone else I would want up there with me. So my advice to you... Go with your bff. Go with the person closest to you. Even if she is not a great party planner, you will and can ask for help from other people. Besides, she may surprise you. Knowing it is important to you may just kick her into gear. Hell, it is not unheard of now a days to help plan your own bridal parties either. I personally helped them with planning my bridal shower and bachelorette - I know what I want and they just wanted to make sure they were getting it. Whatever happens, have faith that it will turn out alright in the end

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Thanks! We recently started talking again, so I know she assumes she'll be everything she was supposed to be to begin with (MOH, babies' God Mom) but I'm worried that she just wants a title, not the responsibility that comes with those things.

View Quoted Comment The only responsibility that a maid of honor has is purchasing a dress and showing up to your wedding.

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Okay thank you! Our relationship has been rocky for the past few months, so I'm not sure who would be closest to me by my wedding, but I want my MOH to be ale to handle the traditional parts a MOH is responsible for.

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Well, traditionally, they setup the bach party and bridal shower, and of course getting their dress, but they also are responsible for paying for the bride's things to parties like that.

A MOH isn’t responsible for anything besides maybe holding your bouquet during the wedding. Showers and bachelorettes can be planned by anyone and aren’t the MOH’s “role”.

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I do love her, but I want my MOH to be equipped with the responsibilities traditionally given to one.

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Yess! Exactly, I'm worried that she won't want to take part in much, but showing up at the alter.

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MOH is just a title. Most of the time it is the MOH who decides to help host and/or plan parties for the bride due to the closeness of their relationship, but these are not required of the MOH and anyone can do it. The MOH should be chosen based on how dear their relationship is to you, not on how much they will help you. In fact, I chose specifically not to have a MOH because I didn't want to choose one friend over the other. They still worked together to throw a great shower and take me out for a spa day and dinner for my bachelorette.

View Quoted Comment No, they’re not required to do any of those things. Anyone can plan those events or no one at all. Like I said, everyone has different priorities, parties just seem to be more important to you than friendships.

View Quoted Comment Nope to all of this except the dress. The only traditional thing a MOH has to do is get their dress and stand next to/support the bride.
Not pay for you to attend parties....

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I for sure do not want to plan things like that, because I want to be surprised at them, but I'm worried that she won't want to do anything outside of just showing up to the wedding.

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This is perfect advice. Please be honest with your bff about why you aren't selecting her.

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I guess it's a regionally thing, because where I'm from, the MOH definitely pays for the bride on bach party night

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Okay thank you! I don't want to beat around the bush, but I want her in my wedding.

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Okay thank you! I know it is a title, but I don't want mine to act like that's all it is. I'd like to hope that my MOH knows her responsibility, and is willing to take it on. I'll talk with her and see where it goes!