Telling someone he is not in the wedding party

I was going to suggest making him an usher so at least he's still part of the wedding, not just a guest

How does he think he's in the wedding when it's in 12 days???

I am with Kate here.

This guys is close enough to your FH that he communicates regularly with your FMIL and he was never even going to be invited to the wedding?

From his point of view I could see why he would think he was part of the wedding without ever being asked directly by your FH. He felt close enough that he assumed that would be the case. Obviously it was the wrong assumption since you guys only decided to let him come to the wedding because he already bought a plane ticket.

This WHOLE situation is wrong and off....and just plain screams like we are not getting the full picture. I don't think anyone buys a plane ticket on the assumption that they will be invited, and then keeps said plane ticket once an invitation was never received.

This is months of deception. When did you guys find out he bought a plane ticket? My guess was WAY before 2 days ago.

Why did you guys wait so long to talk to this guy?

Think about that and what it says about you guys as friends. You find out someone bought a plane ticket to your wedding so you decide he can come but still don't offer an invite and never reach out to the person to discuss anything before now....it doesn't come across that great to an outsider hearing all that. It looks like ypu just flat out didn't care about this person and could really care less about his feelings....since you just say nothing. And telling him what to wear...I mean then was a perfect time to clarify what was going on.

I'm still not sure I've wrapped my head around this situation. Was FMIL able to tell you how long this guy has been assuming that he is a GM? How long ago did he ask you about attire? Can FMIL fill in some details for you about her conversations with this guy so you can better understand how he got the impression he was a GM? Like, did she say anything to him to lead him believe he was a GM or did he honestly hear her talking about the wedding and he came up with the idea that he was a GM all by himself? What has he said to her that alerted her that he thought he was a GM and that there was a problem? How did she respond to his statements to her about being a GM? Did she try to let him know he wasn't one, did she avoid acknowledging his assumption, or did she go along with it and confirm that he was a GM?

I feel like all of that info is necessary to figure out exactly what to say to this guy. Really, people are supposed to figure out they aren't in the WP if they aren't asked by the bride or groom. A bride or groom shouldn't have to say anything to anyone about not being part of the WP. However, it seems like that strategy hasn't worked, either because this guy is completely oblivious to how weddings work or because FMIL may have encouraged this idea of his. I think apologizing for any misunderstanding and letting him know how excited FH is to spend time with him at the wedding is appropriate, but more information from FMIL about how this misunderstanding happened may be necessary to figure out what to apologize to him for and whether or not FMIL should be apologizing to him and helping clean up the mess.

How is your wedding so soon and this guy has no idea he's not a groomsman?? Your FH needs to address this asap.

Yea I have a friend who's wedding I am in two weeks before my own. She asked about bridesmaid dresses once but then I directly told her that while I love her we are trying to keep our WP small and asked if she wanted to do a reading for us. This was probably five months before our weddings. I really think you should have addressed this much sooner. I fee bad for the guy

If he hasn't gotten the hint by now.... lmao how dense is this dude?

Following.. so many unanswered questions.

You must've known prior to 2 days ago that he bought tickets, no??!

For those asking how he talks to FMIL but wasn't invited: we are having a small wedding, we moved about 4 hour away by plane and B and FH rarely talk, and B and FMIL have always been weirdly close.

@QueSeraSera we have known (and agreed to) him coming for a while. We did not know he thought he was a groomsmen.

Usher isn't a bad idea.

Sounds like FMIL invited him to be in thewedding party. She's upset now because she's realized she made the wrong call. Has she done things like this in the past?

@Jacks I doubt that is exactly what happened but she probably has something to do with it.

I say make him an usher if it is feasible and your both okay with the decision. Otherwise just stick to your original decision.

Please update us on this one. Definitely something different we don't see everyday.