tastefully collect money for Bachelorette party

Hey Lynnie Pin, back to your original question. your best bet is to keep the price tag in front of everyone at each stage of planning. For example, you could say, "We could do a limo, bar, and hotel, that'd be about $X per person, or we could just do the hotel and a movie, that'd be $X". People will then write back, "Oh, I was hoping to spend..... "(whatever they say), and you can say, "well, for that amount, we could...." and make another suggestion. As long as you're clear at each step of planning how much the cost will be, it should be the most natural thing to then say, "OK, I booked the.... (whatever you finally decided) and the final cost, per person, is...."

There's nothing WRONG with doing a local thing, it's just really hard for a lot of people when everyone is spread out so far. I wouldn't travel more than an hour for just some local bar hopping, and wouldn't expect anyone else to either. If I (or anyone invited) is going to go the distance, I'd rather it be a bigger shindig. Again, maybe it's just my circle, but all of my friends are really spread out, and New Orleans was a pretty neutral location. It's the norm. Times are a-changing.

KM...you know what...I'm actually jealous of bachelorette parties in New Orleans. I've been laid up for a few weeks, and I've watched a ton of episodes of Four Weddings. New Orleans looks like a place that every American should experience (minus shrimp and grits -- hate the thought of both of them). However, the city, the beauty, and the history of the south is compelling. I'm not leaving this earth until I experience everything the south has to offer.

It's definitely one of my favorite cities. There's so much more to it than Burbon Street and the partying. I love the art, music, shopping, and it has a great zoo and aquarium! My bachelorette party was the 3rd or 4th time I've been. You definitely have to experience it at least once!

@Lynnie Pin, I've never seen bachelorette invitations - it was always much more casual than your group is doing, but YES you need to put ALL the details in the invitation, so that each person can make an informed decision what she is getting in to before she commits. Because if you don't, if a girl feels mislead about the cost, she will simply refuse to pay, and it will cause a terrible emotional situation at which point you'll all likely be inebriated, and that cannot end well.

Please consider that it's likely that this wedding is not the only wedding many of the girls will go to this summer,or this year. This is a LOT of money to ask someone to spend in addition to their dress, alterations, shoes, makeup, hair and not to mention the shower expenses and gift AND wedding gift ... they're going to be in the hole for probably $700 by the time it's over. That's a lot to ask someone, let alone someone who's going to be going to other weddings.

And with ELEVEN BMs, which I can't even fathom, you're also going to have the challenge to come up with a bar or hotel that can work with the group and keep you all together... You won't be able to just walk into a bar or restaurant ... you're going to have to book a table, or a party room (hello $$&dollar, and once you hit 15-20, a lot of places won't even have a space for you. And there will be a mandatory gratuity added to the bill... and I promise you, there will be a fight between someone who drinks less and drinks a lot... and hotel rooms, most hotels will only allow 4 people in a room, unless you're in suites. and there will be 1 bathroom.

I hope you're planning to do this a few WEEKS before the wedding and not a few days, or the night before.

$100 pp is not bad considering its optional you dont have to come. At a fancy place drinks can easily run you $12 each. So drinks (lets say $30), not having to drive (cab at least $20), and having some where to crash and extend the fun both before & after at the hotel. Id give $100 for that. Esp w/ notice. I would get the consensus of the BMs (sounds like you already did) and see whose down. I probably wouldn't put it on the invite. I would expect by the time invites go out most if not all would have paid their share if they are committed to coming

Lynnie, is the party local or is everyone meeting in another city? If it's local, I think the limo and hotel should be optional. Most bachelorette parties I've been to had a few spots during the night, then people could Uber and go to a hotel if they wanted to. But if people just wanted to go to part of the night, they could. And pay their own way, and people usually step up to buy the bride's drinks and food throughout the night.

I'd say ask the bride what her expectations are first....she knows her friend group the best. Don't plan something that she isn't into (ie: bar hopping when she doesn't drink). Next, get with the BM's and come up with a date, a plan, and a reasonable budget.

Facebook worked well for mine. I made an invite once we had something (Nashville in Sept), b/c not all my friends know each other. That easily weeded out those who were not interested. We were upfront about the prices/person and the weekend plan. One of my BM's booked the house and has a pay pal,so people are either mailing the check or paying her via pay pal.

I don't understand weekend bachelorette parties at all! Are you set on a weekend Bach party? Why not do something local in all of the ladies budgets.

The $200 being their high end of the budget probably also includes their food/drinks/hotel/etc, is that how you're calculating?

I think these weekend trips have gotten out of hand....

What I would do, I did not see this mentioned, is break down the costs. Think of it this way you say $100/ person and only 5 go, well the actusl cost was 700, where is the extra 200 coming from? Tell the girls hey its gong to cost 300 for the hotel, 400 for limo/taxi. Then say dinner is on your own. Then the original message is between 12 girls. So the price could be as low as xyz or as much as xyz.

I think just being upfront as possible. and you can also email the guests individually and just ask if there is a max you should be respectful of. I think planning is a lot of work (I did if for my girlfriend last year) and I basically planned out 3 different plans for the day based on the amount of money people were willing to spend.

Just get that number (ballpark) now and it will help in the planning. I would also ask everyone to pay upfront and get a prepaid credit card for the event. This way only one card is used and no one has to worry about leaving their cards someplace or losing anything.

To be honest, if there is a hotel, airfare and or spa services involved I do think the bride should be responsible for her portion of the bill. Drinks and meals should be covered by BM's. I want to do a weekend wine tasting trip for mine as long as it works for my other BMs and I in no way expect them to pay for my hotel fees. Do make sure you split costs evenly, but this far out its hard to say who all will be there. I would just do your best to keep it under everyone's budgets and cut things if necessary to keep it affordable for everyone. I would create a FB group. You probably will need to know who all is going before you collect money so you know who all needs to split the costs of each hotel room or suite.

I don't know where u guys are getting that we are going somewhere?? Lol I was even just using the 100 as a suggestion. Most likely we'll end up doing paintballing (pending cost 4 group rates)... open bar for 4 hrs which is generally 45 pp n if we do sleep anywhere it'll be a campsite which all tents provided n cost 20. For a permit. Either way I don't think 100 is unreasonable I spend that when I go just to the club alone most nights

And people like me couldn't fathom spending $100 on a night of drinking. $100 for a new fountain pen, for a purse, for some new sheets or something for the house? Sure. But $100 for a night of drinking (to me) is throwing away money.

Are your BM expected to pay more than the guests or about the same way? You might have some people like me who really don't want to spend $100 for a party.

I'm with Celia...this idea that the party HAS to be some crazy expensive weekend is out of control....with that being said, every invite I've ever gotten has always included a cost per person and a tentative itinerary of the night such as "8pm; meet a X location for cocktails and snacks and take the limo to X location for dinner before heading to a destination of the bride's choice"

Lynnie, why is the cost upfront if it's local? If you're going to a bar, wouldn't people just pay for their own drinks and you can have them bring cash for paintball? I don't see why you'd have to collect money early for those things.

@Rebecca...they could be considering limo costs. And usually you want to charge a bit extra per person to cover the cost of the bride and her drinks/dinner throughout the night as well as have a cushion in case someone doesn't show so that nobody gets screwed.

It reminds of the Friends episode where Ross tried to split the bill evenly at a restaurant and Phoebe flipped out because all she had was a salad. Maybe this group will all drink exactly the same, I don't know.

Years ago, when I thought I would never get married (joke's on me!), I said a weekend in Vegas would be my dream bachelorette. However, when it came time to actually throw a party, I couldn't justify the costs. It would have meant nearly everyone I wanted there would have to fly across the country and spend a minimum of $600 just on flights and accommodations (flights alone are $450+ from here). And there was no way I was letting anyone foot the bill for me at that price. We ended up staying in town instead and my friends set up a wonderful evening for me. They broke each activity out by cost and people floated in and out all night. We did have a couple of people flake on one of the activities (a VIP bottle service at a club), but because the cost was not huge to begin with, we were able to make up the difference fairly easily. Average cost for the whole evening was around $100 per girl for dinner, drinks, transportation, some pool time (which was free), and a mini lingerie shower. We had a great time. Find out what everyone's budget is and work around that. Break out the costs as much as you can and let people pick and choose where they want to participate. Build in a little extra for the bride and in case someone flakes. But you don't have to spend a ton - remember that what matters most is the company that you are with.

I agree with KM. Not every bride has their friends all in the same city. Out of my 5 BMs, only 1 is local, the others are in GA, LA, and TX. We are meeting up to have my bach party in New Orleans. Which also works out because we will do my bridal shower at my parents house 1 hour away in MS. It's actually cheaper for us to all meet in NOLA, then for them to come to MD. I wish all my BMs lived near me, but they don't. Thankfully one of my BMs gets a discount through work and is getting us a hotel downtown for only $137/nite.

But back on topic - I agree it's a good idea to do a FB private message and detail what the cost would cover. I don't think $100 for a night out is a bad idea at all. Especially for food, open bar, paint ball and covering for the bride. I'd be down for that.