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June 2020

Talking about the wedding too much?

Alexander, on June 25, 2019 at 7:30 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 8

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Allow me to set the stage. Me and my girl had been going out for some time, when I popped the question, it took her by surprise. She and her family are traditional in some ways that I didn't know were as important to her as they were, so after the initial wave of joy at my proposal, there was some hurt and anger for me not respecting some family traditions.
We didn't do much wedding planning for several months after getting engaged (Various family dramas). I had been wanting to start planning from day one of being engaged, but she was feeling rushed. So, I hung back and waited.

Now, we are planning. We set a date, got a venue, she got a dress, and it's just under a year away. I feel like we have so much in place that we can chill a little and now I AM the one feeling rushed. And I was forced to wait so long to start planning that my enthusiasm waned a little bit. So I'm trying to recover that too.

I love the idea of wedding planning, really I do. I love looking at photographers, and whatnot. But sometimes it seems like A) if I don't have the exact same enthusiasm as she does, then she thinks I'm not interested or dont care or B) ALL we ever talk about anymore is wedding stuff!

I'm more concerned about the latter. Because once the wedding is over (or at least the bulk of the planning) what will we talk about? Will she be bored with me? Is she more interested in the DAY than spending her life with me?

I don't know how to address this without seeming critical, or accusatory. I also don't want to bruise her excitment (because I know that sucks). I just feel like we need to be more than just this one thing- there is more to our lives than just the wedding right now. Just like in the future there will be more to our lives than our jobs, our pets, or our kids.

Any advice from ladies or gents would be appreciated.

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Latest activity by Michelle, on June 26, 2019 at 11:16 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on June 25, 2019 at 7:35 PM
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I think this is completely normal and something that most engaged couples struggle with. I would bring it up as something positive by saying “let’s have a date night Friday and just focus on each other, no phones or wedding planning.” That will go over much better than “I feel like all you care about is the wedding.” Then try to make it a weekly thing.
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Expert August 2019
N · on June 25, 2019 at 8:03 PM
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I agree. I try to not talk about the wedding too much because I know he isn’t as knowledgeable (not intentionally, it just isn’t his thing) and I’m sure it gets a bit overwhelming. 🤷🏾‍♀️
We are all humans just trying to do our best. Explain how you feel and what you have been feeling and that this is coming from a place of love. It is a huge event but a tiny break from it now and then does well to keep the sanity in check.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on June 25, 2019 at 8:17 PM
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Definitely some non-wedding dates would be helpful (my hubby & I needed those).

I’m not sure how long you have until your wedding, or what’s left, but maybe you can do some “divide & conquer” approaches but then come together and chat about your research only on certain days? Or ask her to narrow your options to 2 or 3 choices? Let her know all of these details get overwhelming. Maybe let her know you’re most interested in helping with certain things (food, band), but not with others (invites) and you trust her decision.
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Beginner September 2020
Delaney · on June 25, 2019 at 8:48 PM
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I think it is a great idea to go on some dates where you agree there will be no wedding talk. It can be easy to get consumed in wedding planning. I am sure you guys will have plenty to talk about after the wedding! You fell in love for a reason and wedding talk is just so exciting and stressful at the moment!
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 25, 2019 at 10:11 PM
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It's perfectly normal for a lot of your talk to encompass wedding planning. I felt like my wedding talk was excessive during my planning but obviously the more you get done with your check list the less wedding talk there will be. You can even spend a day or weekend or whatever just going on a date and not doing anything wedding related to reconnect if that's what you want.
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Expert October 2020
Haley · on June 26, 2019 at 9:22 AM
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I agree what everyone above says. I'd like to add that I think this also comes in waves. I talked my FH EAR OFFFF for like 3 months and then didn't say anything else about the wedding while I was quietly booking and planning. And then some weeks I go on and on and on about our first dance song (which happens to be this weeks problem). And then I'll probably not mention anything for weeks until my next freak out happens.
She may also be talking about it so much because she trying to hint that she is overwhelmed and would like help or would like you to be more interested without asking.
I'd 100% do the date with no wedding talk thing, but I'd also say "hey next saturday, lets have a wedding day where we just try to figure out/book/plan/go taste cake/whatever" Maybe dedicating a whole day to doing wedding stuff together will ease her mind and she won't feel the need to think about it for the rest of the week or month or whatever.
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Expert October 2019
Kimberly · on June 26, 2019 at 10:57 AM
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I feel like all i do anymore is think about the wedding, plan the wedding and talk about the wedding and i think it's 100% normal. it's a HUGE thing happening in your lives in more way than 1. there's a lot of time, energy, and money that go into it. there's a reason why people plan weddings for a living. it's crazy! i think you 2 will be fine when the wedding is over, and you'll have plenty to talk about. it's just a huge life changing thing. i feel like i annoy everyone with updates and things i think about but it's a lot going on in your head.
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Super August 2019
Michelle · on June 26, 2019 at 11:16 AM
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I feel like all I do is talk about the wedding too! Lol I usually give my FH a list of some things he can help with and leave him to it while I do my thing. This way things are getting done but neither of us feel overwhelmed and we only talk about it every so often. We set aside one day every week or 2 to concentrate on wedding stuff (we are doing a lot of DIY projects) and we also set aside time to just hang out with no wedding talk. Maybe you can express your thoughts to her by saying that you are excited but don't want either of you to feel overwhelmed by the planning process and suggest some things to keep it exciting but also give yourselves a little time off from it too.
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Talking about the wedding too much?

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