Symbolic Ceremony

Ughhhh. Yes! It is so rude to invite guests to witness what they think is your wedding when it ISN'T. What happens when they see in the public record that your marriage date is something totally different??

You don't have to say anything. That's no one's business. Mostly everyone knows that if you are getting married in another country, it's not legal in the US. Just get married here before or after and that's all. You don't have to get detailed about your business with your guests, that's my opinion.

I don't think so, you would be legally married that day if you were able to. You are vowing in front of your family your love for one another so you are married

I feel like you should be honest with your guests but that's just my two cents.

What kind of people are looking up wedding dates in public record to confirm they actually witnessed the "real" wedding date? Don't invite those people because they are weirdos! I think you can casually mention it if people ask but don't need to make a general disclosure that you have to formalize your marriage at the courthouse.

Yes! Be honest with your guests. I would be annoyed if I requested time off from work, booked a flight, a rental car, a hotel room, purchased a gift and paid for a dog sitter only to find out it wasn't a legal ceremony and not an actual wedding. Your guests may not be willing to make the trip knowing the truth but they deserve your honesty. If you withhold it, it is manipulating their choice.

I don't think you should lie if they ask but you don't have to make a big deal and specifically point it out at the ceremony in Mexico.

Where are you guys having your wedding? We're getting married in Mexico around the same time! The Royal in Playa Del Carmen is where we're going nothing has been decided yet but I think we're going to make it legal before we go down to Mexico

Y&F: Uh, you do realize that you absolutely can get legally married in most other countries, Mexico included, and it's absolutely legal in the US. By your logic, every married couple who immigrated to the US has to get married again or their marriage is invalid here, and that's quite obviously not the case. You might want to look up information before making really ignorant assumptions such as that one.

Op, yes, you should tell them. I absolutely would not attend a destination symbolic ceremony, but I would try my hardest to attend an actual destination wedding. I would also be pissed if I found out I attended what I thought was a wedding and later found out it wasn't the couple's actual wedding and that I was lied to. To the pp who asks who looks this stuff up, you don't have to. Anyone that does genealogy or uses sites like Ancestry get *alerted* when new public records post, and a marriage is a public record. Most families have several people who follow genealogy, so your thinking that people would never know the difference is absolutely off.

Op, we had another bride planning something similar, who was also insisting that the date of her fake wedding was her anniversary date. The best analogy another poster gave was that of having a child: The logic of considering yourselves married before you actually are is like being 8 months pregnant and deciding the child's birthday is a month before they're born. Sure, you can celebrate it every year that day, but there's not a legal document in the world that is going to reflect that, and you can't just change reality because you want it to be so.

If you want the DW in Mexico, why wouldn't you just deal with the blood tests and make it legal down there. It's not even like Mexico is one of the more frustrating countries to get legally married in.

ETA: Remember OP, you are asking guests to spend literally THOUSANDS of dollars as well as at least several days to a week of their hard earned vacation time, and possibly even give up having a vacation of their own choosing for the YEAR to attend your wedding. The LEAST you could do is have the event they attend *actually* be your wedding.

A wedding is *defined* as the day two people are married. A symbolic ceremony doesn't make you married at the end of the day.

Concealing the truth is lying in this case, so please be transparent to your guests and let them make the decision themselves. Your courthouse date is your wedding date.

I honestly have no problem with getting married before/after the celebration day. I know several people who got courthouse married before their wedding for legal/military reasons. I don't hold that against them.

Maybe ask your closest family what they think about that option; if they care, try getting married in Mexico, but if they don't mind, do what you want is my opinion.

@Samtoine2017, but the point is YOU KNOW about it!

I just can't imagine caring about a date. I go to weddings to celebrate the love between two people I care about and to show my support for the commitment they are making to spend their lives together. It makes no difference to me if it is the real date or not. Does expressing their love and commitment change when it is done in a courthouse to make it legal? Or is the sentiment the same when it is done among their family and friends who they want there to support them?

It's annoying if you've been married for a year and no one knows and your throwing a wedding. That's a lie.

This is something I think is pretty common... Getting married in another country can be hard so a lot of people have a symbolic ceremony and actually get married before or after. I think as long as you do it within 2 weeks before or after you'd be fine. I would get married before you go to Mexico though so you can actually celebrate your marriage. If you get married after you're not technically married at your celebration.

Also you may need to bring people with you to the courthouse as witnesses

I have officiated several re-enactments after the legal marriage and several legal marriages before the re-enactment, and a couple times I've done both.

I would recommend getting legally married before you go to Mexico.

Mna nailed it.

@Y&F, like @mna said, my first wedding was in Dominican Republic and you bet it was 100% legal in the US. I had to get an English translation by a certified translation company to change my name, but that's it. Check your facts, yo!

No one needs to know any more than what you want to tell them. If you called me I'd tell you to get married here first.. If you are going to live in the usa, it is far more convenient to get your legal license here.

I honestly don't get the fixation about this. In over 1500 ceremonies I have been asked about the license about twice. Yes, you need to be legal but your celebration with your families doesn't aleays coincide with that for a number of reasons and wi find it pretty weird that people wouldn't go to celebrate with you without knowing a licensewas signed that day. We never let the guests see that anyway nor do they ask..

ETA; damn auto correct on the tablet...

I feel like doing this is different from running off the the courthouse because you just can't wait and then having a PPD a year later without having told anyone.

Technically it IS the guest's business as you're inviting them to your "wedding" and asking them to spend hundreds of dollars to do so.

There are two camps here.

Camp 1: The legal thing isn't the "true" wedding.

Camp 2: The legal thing IS the true wedding.

I'm in camp 2. I don't believe in symbolic ceremonies and that kind of stuff - to me, that's not a wedding. So yes, I'd be pissed if I spent all that money coming to something that, to me, it's real and can be done at home. You don't NEED to go to Mexico to have a random promise to love each other. You can do that home. To me, the legal piece makes the wedding a wedding. Anything else is just a show.